I was trying to mind my own business in the salon. My salon. I don’t own a salon, but I don’t have much time to go to one either, so I call my bathroom my salon. That is where I go when I need to color my hair (although I have been thinking about firing the lady that colors my hair for these reasons), get my pedicure, get my eyebrows shaped and have my, ahem, mustache waxed.
Did I say I have a mustache to wax?
Please don’t tell anyone.
I thought my boys were occupied and doing fine. My 9-year-old son has been obsessed with America’s Funniest Home Videos lately. If he can’t see it on TV for some reason, he wants to watch some videos on YouTube. This is a problem because I can’t get Wifi service all over my weird house on my weird iPhone, including the one room where you really want Wifi service- the living room. But, guess what can get Wifi service all over my weird house? The Dell Venue 7!
I thought my son was watching the funny videos on the Dell Venue 7 and laughing and enjoying life and being happy with the world while I groomed myself in my salon.
|The very awesome and handy and all-around great Dell Venue 7 is in my son’s hands. Other reasons I love it? It has ways that I only can find on my computer. For example, I made the photo at the end of this post using Pizap.com. I can’t get Pizap to work in all its glory on my iPhone, but I can get it to work on the Venue 7 and I imagine that is because it is made by Microsoft and has “Intel inside”. It has better Wifi reception than my iPhone, as I already mentioned. We also love the size. It’s not too big for my purse and it has a larger screen than the iPhone.
I thought his brother was watching Doc McStuffins. (He loves that show.) Quick sidenote: I tweeted about Doc McStuffins a week or so ago. Maybe you’d like to see what I said?
I thought that was entertaining.
Anyway, I thought my boys were busy and occupied and going to give me a little peace while I plucked and groomed and painted and trimmed.
Why am I delusional?
As I put my Nair facial cream across my upper lip (I hate to admit it!), I hear them starting to fight.
“Surely, they’ll sort this out on their own,” I said to myself as I set the timer. (You’ve gotta set that timer just right or you run the risk of half your face falling off from a chemical burn.)
The fighting started getting louder.
“Sort it out, children. Sort. It. Out.” I whispered under my breath.
“Where’s their dad?” I hissed under my breath as the Nair settled in to do its hair dissolving magic.
Just as I spotted him working in the backyard, I hear the boys yelling even louder.
“Fine! FINE! I’ll intervene!” I roared as I stomped out of my salon, down the hall, across the house, into the living room and…well, I couldn’t do anything about it, they opened the back door to the yard.
I cornered them on the back porch.
“Why are you two fighting? What is going on? I can’t get a moment of peace!” I yelled with my hands on my hips, my face all scrunched up and my eyebrows all furrowed.
Sort of like this:
|(No, I’m not Hulk Hogan’s sister.)
My 9-year-old stared at me.
My 6-year-old stared at me.
And worst of all…
My husband stared at me. He emerged from the yard work to behold this sight.
“No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. No, no.” My husband started.
“No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.”
“No, no, no, no, no, no. Don’t ever walk around like that again. You’re scaring us. Please. We beg you. Please. Please.”
He was half-joking, half-not. Actually, I think he was 1% joking and 99% not joking.
Which made me laugh.
And made me less irritated with the kids.
Who were still staring.
I don’t think my husband enjoys the thought that I have to remove unruly hair.
They had a point. It wasn’t a pretty sight. I was grateful I had it on my face, though, because it made them get quiet immediately. I’m also grateful for it, because it gave me another means of disciplining the kids. “DO IT AGAIN AND I’LL PUT NAIR ON MY FACE, KIDS!” This might also work when my husband isn’t giving me my way. “If you don’t buy me a dining room table, I’ll wear Nair on my face for a solid week.”
I might try it.
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