There are more than 10 things, of course, but you must do these 10. You just must! Okay, the first one is pay. You just must pay or you aren’t going to get in. No, that’s not the first thing. I was kidding. For one thing, you may not have to pay because you may be one of the TEN people who will receive the family 4-pack of tickets I am giving away courtesy of The Children’s Museum of Houston.
Also, keep in mind that this is a list for YOU, the parent. There are tons of things that your kids can and should do at the museum. I am talking about the ten things that you must do there.
You just MUST:
#1 Play the table golf game thing with your kids, but just don’t let it get out of hand. I can sort of let it get out of hand. I start getting competitive with my kids before I even realize it and have to be pulled away from the table. This irrational need to clear the table of all rogue golf balls also kicks in. I can’t clear it fast enough. I have one kid on the end trying to get the golf balls into the hole by rolling it down the AstroTurf with his hands. If the ball doesn’t go in, I feel this urge to put it down the hole for him so that he can then get the ball again to re-attempt getting it back into the hole himself. Just typing it out makes me hold my breath. I’m stressing out and I’m only typing. I usually walk away with green AstroTurf under my fingernails and I think you can imagine why.
#2 Go shopping at the mini HEB grocery store but don’t get so fascinated with the empty boxes of groceries (“Is there really vanilla ice cream in here?! It’s not even cold! Haha! Would you like at that? It’s not even COLD!”) that you lose your kid. Nobody wants a lost kid. It is easy to get sidetracked in there, though. (“It looks like it would be real ice cream, but it’s not even cold, y’all!”)
#3 Try out the cash register at the mini HEB but simmer down on your controlling ways. I know I found it hard to dial it down when my kids would press the apple picture when I was clearly holding a baguette. Apples aren’t even made of bread. I so badly wanted to clear all the kids out of the way and be the head cashier but making your kids cry when you paid for them to have fun is a bad idea.
#4 Have your kids serve you at the diner across from the mini HEB and make multiple requests of them. It’s your turn to be served. You won’t get your money’s worth out of that ticket unless you have them bring you 20 refills, make you a few tacos, serve you some spaghetti and give you a piece of chocolate cake.
And another refill.
Plus one more.
#5 Walk outside and let your kids play in the water area. I would probably not wear the khaki shorts that you can’t see through when they’re dry but become sort of see-through when you sit on a bench or chair that is wet. Pink panties are a no-no at the Children’s Museum of Houston if you are wearing those kind of khaki shorts. Not that I have experience with this sort of thingItotallyhave. Still, you should let your kids play in the water area. Just be careful!
#6 Have your kid sit in that metal chair attached to a pulley near the front of the museum and try to pull them up. If you can pull them up really high without bursting some blood vessels, you get half off your next admission.
#7 Put on your white jackets and lab glasses in the science area with your kids. Get in on the action. Explain all of the science terms. Tell your child why things happen they way they do. Act really smart. If you are a jerk, use a condescending tone. When one of them asks you a hard question, pretend you didn’t hear him and ask if he’s ready to go paint his face.
#8 Take your kid to the face painting area in the entrance hallway of the museum. If you manage to find a place to squeeze in front of the coveted mirror, prepare for your face to be painted, as well. It is not uncommon to emerge from this area looking like a circus clown who received his face painting from a blind circus employee who painted your face using only his toes. Strangers’ kids may cry. You may cry. This is sometimes how children’s museum trips end up.
#9 Try out the green screen in the newsroom. If you or your kids are particularly good at it, YouTube it and send it to your local news station, CNBC, CNN, Fox News or Good Morning America. If none of those work or float your boat, give Diane Sawyer a call. Tell her Kelley Nettles sent you. If the name doesn’t immediately ring a bell with her, remind her we took a picture together at the Good Morning America studio in New York City in 2002. I was one of hundreds in the studio, so she should have no problem remembering me. If she still doesn’t remember me, yell that she is a fake and a liar.
#10 Bring $250 so that you can buy all the things your kids will ask you to buy from the gift shop. If your kids are a tad bit beggier than the beggiest, up that number to $500 or $1,000. What parent wants to deny their child 6 stuffed animals, 5 toys, 4 pens, 7 erasers, 8 key chains, 5 cups, 10 games and some candy?
What did I miss? What else should people do at The Children’s Museum?
I will pick the TEN winners using random.org in a week from now on Wednesday, July 9th.