The Grossest Thing In My Yard

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My kids know me well. They know I don’t like really gross things in nature. Or things with lots of holes, especially if they occur in nature.
Like this tree in my front yard.
That almost cost me my life.
At first glance, the tree is nice, right? It is especially nice in the fall when the colors are all bright red and yellow. Those changing colors are the only reason I put up with the dang tree.
See these holes in its trunk?

 

I think they are absolutely disgusting, but they aren’t the most disgusting thing in my yard. 
They did almost cost me my life, though. You see, I was waiting for a bouncy house to be delivered one Saturday. Around the time they were to arrive, a truck drove up and a man got out. He started walking up in our driveway, so I started walking down it. He stuck his hand out for me to shake it…and I shook it. I immediately knew he wasn’t the bouncy dude.
“Ma’am, I can trim this tree up for you,” he started out. When I realized he was a random tree dude that drove up, I got nervous. I was all by myself at home. “And I can also treat this tree so that those bugs will stop eating holes in it.”
(He might have said they were worms or something else equally sick.)
He kept on talking to me about his tree services. I am sure he was nice enough but I was so extremely grateful for my neighbor walking out to the front yard at that time. I am not a fan of random men coming to my house to sell diddly squat.
Hey, that tree could have cost me my life. You just never know. (I watch an awful lot of “I Survived”.)
That tree, as hideous as it is, is not the grossest thing in my yard.
Nor is this plant.

Did you catch the little root nuggets? I know we need to probably cover this thing with mulch. I have to, actually, before I can’t stand to go in the backyard anymore.
This tree below isn’t the ugliest thing either, but its peeling skin makes nauseous. You?

As bad as all of these things are none of them- NONE OF THEM- can compare to what my 6-year-old showed me this morning right before school.
“Mom, come out here,” he told me as I was turning off the lights and getting my keys.
“I’ll be there in a minute.”
“Hurry, Mom! We have to show you something and it’s really gross!”
“Why do you want to show me something gross right at the beginning of the day?”
“Just come on!”
I was expecting to see a dead bug.
Or a worm.
Or maybe even a mouse.
But, no. My luck couldn’t have been that good, because what he showed me was…
THIS!!!
Ahhhhhh!!!!!!
Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!
The inside of that sago palm has been grossing me out for weeks. Ever since the boys accidentally got a ball stuck in the middle of it and I had to go digging for it while getting stabbed with its needles, I have been giving that plant the mean face. I never wanted to get that close to its middle, which looks like the inside of a pumpkin with avocado seeds mixed in with it.
But, the fact that it now has STALKS growing out of the middle of it honestly, HONESTLY, makes me queasy.
And my kids knew that would happen. 
(Putting sleeping bags on the roof tonight.)
I almost don’t even want to go home this afternoon. It’s right by the front door!
Are you grossed out? Even a little?

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