Soooo...I ran over 5 ducks. It was a while ago, but it happened. All at the same time.

After Monday morning, I now divide my life into two parts:

*B.I.K.F.D.

and

**A.I.K.F.D.

It's terrible.

So, it was a Monday morning and I was driving between 45 and 50 mph down a semi-busy four lane road with my 4-year-old in the backseat.  If you were stopped at this light, you would turn left and be close to where it all went down:




At the part of the road where "it all went down", there are two lanes traveling in one direction, a median, and two lanes traveling in the opposite direction. I was in the inside lane when all of a sudden, the car to my right slams on his brakes, which prompts me to...

Okay, I didn't slam on my brakes fast enough...

AND I HIT FIVE DUCKS.

Here's what I saw about a millisecond before that awful moment in time, except there were two adult ducks and about twice as many ducklings:

Source




Looking at that picture makes my heart break in TONS of pieces, y'all!!! Someone give me a Kleenex and I'm not kidding!

In very rapid pace, I saw a large duck flying toward my car at which point, I did this,

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!"

and he did this,

"AHHHHHHHHHQUAACKAHHHHHHHHHHHHQUACKAHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!"

He flew UNDER my car. The impact of duck to SUV felt much like someone throwing a football at my front fender.

I quickly pull over into the median and I see the mother duck, I'm assuming, rushing over the median and into the other two lanes of traffic with her ducklings probably saying "Ohcrapohquackohcrapohquack". Meanwhile, the dad, the one who had just seen my oil pan, is kind of staggering around and looks much like a duck who has had too much to drink. (And, I'm sure we've all seen plenty of drunk ducks.)

(I'm not trying to make light of this because I don't think it is tragic. It helps me to cope.)

He finally straightens out his feathers, catches up with his family and they all disappear into the woods.

Yay!! He survived!!!

At that point, I only thought I had hit Dad Duck and that he survived, but I decided to go back to the scene of the crime immediately to double-check.

You know what I saw, right?

Four dead ducklings. Complete goners.

I wasn't sure what to do. They were tiny. I couldn't see myself scraping them up and burying them. What was I going to do that with anyway? Poor precious things. Poooooooooor, poor precious things.

"OH, NO!!! I killed those baby ducks!", I said to my 4-year-old while I clutched my face in my hands and stared at staggering Dad Duck.
"You killed baby ducks, Mom?"
"I didn't mean to kill them. They just walked out in the road out of nowhere! I don't even see water ANYWHERE around here. Where were they going?"
"Are they going to be dead forever, Mom?"

Those ducklings had probably just learned to walk. They had probably talked about their vacation to the other side of the four-lane busy street for weeks and then, KERSPLAT, I came along.

So terrible.

So, feeling like a worthless human being, I finally arrive home all sad and mopey still answering my son's question about the ducks being dead forever ("and ever?") because he asked it over and over ("and ever and ever?") and saw this when I got out of the car:




DUCK GUTS!!!

"Ahhhhhhhhh!!!!!!", I immediately yelled. Again. "IS THAT FROM THE DUCKS????"

It took me a few seconds to put it together that that actually wasn't duck guts and was actually the strawberry smoothie my 4-year-old decided to dump out of the window while the car was in motion. ("I didn't want it anymore.") My heart took a few seconds to get the message.

It wasn't long afterwards that I took the car to get it washed. I'm still fearful that I will look down at my tire and see a tiny, tiny duckling feather.

And, since then, my life hasn't been the same.

I keep feeling the bump on the car from Dad Duck plummeting into it. I keep seeing the dead ducklings in my head. I keep remembering how the mother just kept scurrying across the busy street with her other ducklings. I wondered how long she thought about those four. Did she get safely across the street and then stare at them for a while to see if they would move? Was she sad? Or did she just keep running to their vacation spot? Did Dad Duck have an awful headache? Did he have access to Neosporin?

I can't even take a bike ride with my two boys without feeling like a very large duck trying to keep her two ducklings from getting hit by a car. It probably doesn't help that my favorite bike-riding outfit is a Donald Duck costume.

My ducks.

"DID YOU SEE THAT CAR? IT WAS TWO MILES AWAY AND PARKED ON THE ROAD! IT COULD HAVE HIT YOU!"

My son can't stop thinking about it either.

"Mom, is those ducks still dead?"

"Mom, I saw a rabbit when I went bike riding with Daddy and no one had hit it yet. No one killed it with their car."

Earlier today I said, "I still can't believe I hit those ducks" as we drove away from dropping my oldest off at school. My 4-year-old then said, "You hit some more?"

(That last question actually made me laugh out loud.)

You have never hit anything before, have you? *Blows nose loudly* You have never extinguished the life (or lives) of precious, innocent animals with your mean, mean, mean, mean vehicle before, have you?

Or have you?

HAVE YOU EVER HIT AN
ANIMAL WHILE DRIVING?



In case you were still racking your brain over this one:
*B.I.K.F.D. = Before I killed four ducklings
**A.I.K.F.D. = After I...yeah, you got it.
 
*This was originally posted last year. Actually, I think it was the year before that. Must we get into the nitty gritty?* 




16 comments:

The Ludwigs said... [Reply]

OMG, the "duck guts" picture! My mom once had a similar incident late at night with my brother and me in the car; this was maybe 20 years ago and we still refer to it as Mom's Raccoon Massacre.

Jessica Callahan said... [Reply]

This isn't remotely funny..You're trying to make humor out of it for your blog by trying to be witty and appear remorseful and really it's just sad and pathetic attempt for attention..Y.S.BA.O.Y. YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF

Adrienne Hedger said... [Reply]

Disagree with previous commenter. It was a tragic situation and humor helps you cope. It doesn't mean you feel no remorse. This is one of those crazy WTF JUST HAPPENED situations in life. When you have a story like this (including the smoothie & your son's reactions), you tell it. I, for one, think you did a good job.

Kathy Glow said... [Reply]

Ugh! I hit a little rabbit one day on the way to work. It just hopped out of the ditch and committed Hari Cari. I was so sad all day. Then, after work, a lady driving the wrong way hit me and totaled my car. Talk about an omen.

Amy Flory said... [Reply]

This would totally make me cry, and then I would of course share the story because what else are you going to do? The impact of that day has changed your perception in some hilarious ways, and some of the most horrible things make the funniest stories. The smoothie, your kids' comments, Jessica's punctuation, it's all too much. Do we all wish the ducks were still alive? Yes. But in the same way some people will never lighten up and see the humor in things, that just isn't going to happen.

Kelley said... [Reply]

@The Ludwigs Oh, no! Was it more than one raccoon??

Kelley said... [Reply]

@Jessica Callahan Two words. SIMMER. DOWN. Why are you so hateful?

Kelley said... [Reply]

@Adrienne Hedger Adrienne, thank you so, so much for your thoughtful comment. Humor does help you cope. It was an odd chain of events. It happened in my life and that is what my blog is about- odd things!

Kelley said... [Reply]

@Kathy Glow Oh, no! What an awful day that was! I hardly see rabbits. I sure hope I don't see any crossing the road either. Sorry that happened to you!

Kelley said... [Reply]

@Amy Flory Your comment really made me laugh- the whole thing. Thank you for your wise and thoughtful words!

Kristen D said... [Reply]

I ran over 2 frogs before. They make a really disgusting POP sound. It was terrible. This was about 2, maybe 3 years ago.
About a month ago, my husband and I were driving to the gas station late at night. A little bunny ran across the road, and it was too late for me to slam my brakes or swerve. I ran it over :(

Great, I feel like a mass animal murderer.

S4ephanie said... [Reply]

Several yearsure ago, on my way to work, I hit a puppy. A sweet, perfect, little puppy! I saw him seconds before he ran out into the road and braked as hard as I could. It wasn't enough. I had never met my neighbor, his owner, before that day. After work, she let me visit him and give him a chew toy. She opted not to take him to the vet... I've never seen him since. The sound of that poor little body rolling under my car still haunts me.
I totally get it!

Teri Biebel said... [Reply]

I use humor to handle all situations whether funny or tragic. I disagree with that whackjob up there. I think this is hilarious and not at all pathetic. You quack me up!!

Jessica Cobb said... [Reply]

OH, do I have some stories for you!

First encounter: I had just gotten my license to drive, it was summer time, and the car in front of me hit a cat. I swerved to avoid it, but, you know, summertime, windows down... Hair flew into my car, cat was practically yowling in my ear, and when I looked back it's back half was literally flattened to the pavement. I cried so hard. My dad laughed at me.

Second encounter: New Years night, driving home from celebrations. I was 17, we had been downtown for the city's First Night celebrations and hit a dead dog on the way home. Cried again.

Third encounter: Managed to stop on the interstate for a deer, looked in my rear view only to see it get creamed on the other side of the highway. Totally cried some more.

Fourth encounter: Someone hit a cat right in front of our house when we were coming home from a walk. They drove off, it died on our sidewalk... I had to wrap it up and find the owner. Later, I cried.

And LAST: I was driving out to my parents house and rounded a corner when an adolescent cat ran out into the rode right in front of me. I FELT it thump right under my foot. I had absolutely no time to break and just started yelling "SHIT! DAMN IT! NO!" ...and cried. All 4 of my kids were in the car.

Animals being struck by cars is my least favorite thing. *sigh* Big, mean cars indeed.

Tink said... [Reply]

Oh my friend, I've killed an owl.

I had just gotten my new car (well, new to me) and I was driving home one Wednesday night. it was around 11 or so, and it had been raining - so it was foggy, icky, blah. My daughter was passed out in the back seat. We were maybe a mile from home, and had NEVER ONCE seen an owl in the wild before.

Suddenly - from out of the trees - I saw something fly at me. It struck the part of my car where the door closes? The frame thing I guess? And wrapped itself up onto the roof. I still have a deep deep scratch where it's beak hit.

I pulled over, my husband who was behind me, pulled behind me and called my cell phone - "Did you just hit a bat?" ... My response? "A Bat?!? It was a FUCKING OWL!"

we both got out of our respective cars, and there, in a driveway, was a dead juvenile barred owl.

I cried for 2 hours, since then - what I presume are the parents of said dead owl ... have been stalking me. I've seen them SIX TIMES since.

this is about what it looked like:

http://cjburright.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/10/Flying-owl.gif

April, Momoffour said... [Reply]

This is so sad! But the smoothie part was funny! I hit an extremely obnoxious car chasing dog, rather than run of the road. He lived, and I hope he learned his lesson. But the baby ducks! Oh, the tragedy!

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