Last week, I answered the first half of the questions that some people asked me on my Kelley’s Break Room Facebook page a couple of weeks ago when I threw out the whole “ask me (almost) anything” line. I originally did this Q & A thing in April 2013. I had so much fun with the questions that I decided to do it again. I actually did a Q & A thing once before on The LG Report. “LG” truly is one of the funniest people on the Internet to me. He is always witty and entertaining. You will want to read his questions and responses to me here. It is worth your time!
If you could give a flying Fig Newton what people asked me a couple of weeks ago and how I answered below, keep reading…
#2 From Tiffany W.: “How tall are you and are you intimidated by shorter people?” I really love this question, Tiffany. I like thinking about it. I am 5’8 and three-fourths. I usually just say 5’9″. Wouldn’t this be accurate if the number was rounded or am I straight-up filthy liar? I don’t think that I am intimidated, but I think that I act like I am, so maybe I am? Anytime I am standing next to someone a lot shorter than me, especially if I have on heels or wedges or something, I get all crouch-y. Why do I do that? Why don’t I just stand up? Do they make me nervous? See, here is what I mean:
Here I am with Jen from People I Want To Punch In The Throat. Jen was an internet friend of mine and, since I met her at BlogHer, is now considered a real life friend of mine. Jen told me to stand up already just before this picture was taken. I was even more crouch-y than this when we were prepping for the photo. I mean, get a grip, Kelley! Get a dingdang grip and stand the heck up!
#3 from Sarah of Caffeinated Chronicles of a Supermom (her blog: http://tiny.cc/w8jcax): Sarah had quite a few very, very serious questions for me. I think it is best to answer hers in bullet form:
- What came first, the chicken or the egg? The cheggken.
- Why did the chicken cross the road? Because the owner didn’t lock the gate on the barn.
- How many licks to the center of a tootsie pop? No clue. I don’t lick that thing! I eat it. I bite into its center and get that tootsie roll in a matter of nanoseconds. This sister has no time to waste licking on a Tootsie Pop or whatever they’re called.
- My 7-year-old daughter wants to know why her birthday can’t be now? No problem. Can you put her on the phone? Please put your 7-year-old daughter on the phone really quick. Sarah? Where is your daughter? I guess we’ll forget this one. Here I am waiting for you to put your daughter on the phone so I could give her the answer she has been searching for and you won’t put her on the phone. I’ll call back later.
- Boxers or briefs? Are briefs the same thing as tighty-whities because those get a solid “no way”. What do you call the biker shorts looking underwear? Those.
- My four-year-old wants to know why he can’t have more milk and why the Power Rangers are cool? I would be happy to share those answers with him. Since calling you has been unsuccessful, I will just answer it here. He can’t have more milk because if he drinks any more milk he will become part cow. This will become a problem when he is in preschool and his teacher asks him to say his ABCs and he says “moo” every third or fourth letter. “A B C MOO E F MOO H I J K L MOO MOO MOO MOO”. This type of thing will really impact his education resulting in him not being able to get a good, solid job later in life. Please break this to him delicately, Sarah. I know I can trust you to go easy. Also, the Power Rangers are cool because they have helmets on almost all of the time. They don’t have to worry about finding their helmets when they go to ride on their scooters or bicycles. Power Rangers believe in safety and in protecting their identity. If you want, Sarah, you can use that as segue to discuss the awful things that can happen when people get their identity stolen. Try not to make him cry, though. If you do, don’t comfort him with milk. Resist as best as you can.
#4 from Tiffany W.: “What is your favorite state within the 48?” Am I allowed to say Texas, since I live here? Because, come on…TEXAS. “The stars at night! Are big and bright! BUM, BUM, BUM…DEEP IN THE HEAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRT OF TEXAS!!” If you insist that I pick another one, I think I would have to say…Texas?