If Neighborhoods Were Given Honest Names…

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Every single time I pass a neighborhood with a name like “Lakes of Something or Another Village”, I look around and become really suspicious.  Where are the lakes? Are those REAL lakes??  Don’t even get me started about street names.  I think the reason I am so critical of neighborhood and street names is because I am jealous.

I want to be a street namer.

I want to name your neighborhoods.

Neighborhoods, much like apartment complexes, must entice future dwellers with their name.  The name must evoke feelings of calm, peace, nature and relaxation, right?  Even if the name grossly mismatches what you will find behind the welcoming sign, people are drawn to the area.  If your neighborhood is “Mountain Breeze Cove” and there is not a mountain in sight, you will at least FEEL like there is a mountain every time you say your neighborhood’s name.  That is what is most important.  Your feelings.  If you are still not sure what I mean, please take a look at the pictures I shot of some apartment complexes I came across:

Roundhill, huh?  Well, I will see about that!  Here in the Houston area the land is mostly flat everywhere you look, but if you say there is a hill, and a round one at that, I will try to find it.

That’s all I found.  I think that really just qualifies as a small mound of dirt with some grass.  Pretty sure “Small Mound of Dirt With Some Grass Townhomes” wouldn’t bring the people in droves.

Let’s move on.

Doesn’t this make you feel like you are right by the ocean?  The water is blue beneath your feet.  See it?  You can count on there being lots of palms right around the sign, if a complex is named this way.  So, my investigation involved trying to locate other palms on the property.

Here’s what I found:

Lastly, I present to you this very nice stone entrance that is certainly featured in all of the apartment guides in the Houston area.

“Honey!  Let’s go check out THIS place!  I bet they have a beautiful park and stone EVERYWHERE!!   I am so excited to check it out.  Here we go, here we go…we’re almost there…”

“Honey?  Where’s the stone?”

Yes, in my neighborhoods and streets, people, you will know what you are in for as soon as you see the sign.  There will be no trickery involved.  Here are a list of some of my up and coming developments:

POWER PLANT PINES
(This will be a large development in the chemical/power plant area of town.)
COOKIE CUTTER COURT
(This will be absolutely EVERYWHERE, so I will likely name it Cookie Cutter Court I, Cookie Cutter Court II, etc.)
THE MEDIOCRE MANSIONS
(There are mansions and then there are MANSIONS, youknowwhati’msayin? This one just distinguishes one from the other…)
RETENTION POND LAKES
(I am going to petition to get just about every neighborhood with the name “lakes” in it to change to this name so that people moving from far away know what kind of lakes we’re talking about here.)
SIDEWALK SPRINGS
(So many neighborhoods brag about their “green belt” when mostly it is just a sidewalk between tall fences.  I am just keeping it real.)
CRACK-FIEND COVE
(Don’t move here!  This is not safe for your children!)
Can you think of some realistic street or neighborhood names? Play your cards right and I may hire you to be the VP of Neighborhood Naming!
*A variation of this post was on my blog in June 2011. Have any of you been reading my blog that long??*

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