Why I Should Fire My Hairdresser

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Today I went to my hairdresser to get my hair dyed from “Wow, you have got a lot of gray hair” to “Did you just dye your hair?”. It seems like I have a hard time being right in the middle. I’m either pushing 90 or look like I fell head first into an ink well.

I don’t like looking like Dick Clark.
Or Wayne Newton.

                  Picture from whale.to

So, I rely heavily on my hairdresser to get it right. How hard can it be to dye hair, you know?
This lady struggles.
Let me list the error of her ways:
-She leaves streaks of normal-colored-hair in with the dark hair. Hello. Hair Dye 101 says to get all the hair.
-She gets hair dye all over my forehead. It looks like I’ve been attacked by a mob of toddlers with brown shoe polish in their grubby fists when she is done with me.
-She often drops a big dollop of hair dye right on my ear. “Huh? What’s that? Can’t hear you. Plugged up with hair dye over here, lady.”
-She takes forever. Tick tock, somebody get her off the clock.
-She has stained my clothes. It’s no fun when one of my expensive Target shirts gets ruined. Pay up the $10 or I’m out the door, Ms. HairMESSER!!
-She doesn’t talk to me at all while she is working on my hair. She’s just a real snot.
-She doesn’t dye my hair frequently enough. It’s like, can you count, lady? Don’t you know it has been weeks since you dyed my hair last? Why the delay in the appointment? I’ve practically got nursing homes rolling the red carpet out for me begging for my business.
-She gets sidetracked and sometimes leaves the hair dye on too long, which is inexcusable. I’ve got dishes to unload.
-The area where she dyes my hair could be a little cleaner. 
-She says that she is the only one that can use henna on my hair, as I am allergic to all other hair dyes, no matter how organic or Aveda-like, but I think she is being dishonest and trying to hog all my business.
I really should just cut my ties with her. The thing is…I have known her forever and she is SUPER cheap.
The other problem is…if I get rid of her, I would have to face her every single day.
In the mirror.

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