The Best Cabbage Patch Kid Names EVER

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Yesterday on the Kelley’s Break Room Facebook page, I asked people what their Cabbage Patch Kid was named. I had asked this before because it entertains me to no end. What I would have given to have been a Cabbage Patch Kid namer. As soon as each was born in the Cabbage Patch, I would have held them so gently and told Xavier Roberts what to name the sweet precious soul. Honestly, though, I don’t know if I could come up with anything better than the names I heard about yesterday.

My Cabbage Patch doll?

Her name was Kathleen Denise. Denise is my middle name, so seeing her middle name on her birth certificate made me extremely happy. I still remember the Christmas I got her. I had opened up all of my presents from my parents and received all of my Santa gifts and still did not spot a Cabbage Patch Kid, the one thing I REALLY wanted. My mom asked me to go get something out of the Ram Charger parked in the garage and when I went out, there was the Cabbage Patch Kid box sitting on the hood and my dad behind it ready with a camera. I don’t think I have ever been more excited in my life. I loved Kathleen with my whole heart. I carried her plastic head with me everywhere I went and I was in FIFTH GRADE. My sister carried hers, too, but, as you can see in this picture, she wasn’t taking hers to school! I swear other girls were taking theirs to school that day besides me.

This is what I tell myself.

My sister’s doll was FLOSS BARBIE, which is a beyond awesome name.

(Are you still stuck on that awesome picture of us? Wishing you had one of those duck sweaters?)

Cabbage Patch Kids were just taking over the world when I had this picture taken. I think it was around 1985. My mom even took a class with my aunt on how to make PORCELAIN Cabbage Patch Kids. She spent hours perfecting how to paint their lips and eyelashes. Ha! She made one for my cousin, Greg, because he was always threatening to turn our Cabbage Patch Kids into coleslaw.

Seeing that Cabbage Patch Kid names make me extremely happy, I thought I would list the ones that people shared on Facebook. I had to have them all in one easily accessible place for me to enjoy on a whim. When the days are gray and lonely, I’ll just pick up my chin and grin and…read this list.

(I only included the ones with a first and middle name given.)

(Also, feel free to pass this list on to anyone expecting a baby and searching for really awesome, memorable baby names. Lots of winners in this list.)

Liana Candy
Lukey Dukey (pretty sure his name was changed at home)
Judy Candy
John Elmo
Colletta Gretchen
Ron Barton
Tilly Toby
Anna Sue
Corra Ellen
Floria Julia
Miriam Spring
Amanda Julina
Elroy Ricardo
Fame Daisy
Victoria Valeria Lake
Krista Lurice
Ashley Linda
Penelope Nicole
Kevin Melvin
Clementine Juanita
Megan Corrina
Trina Beth
Arly Archibald
Marlene Shirley
Callie Kristen
Stephan Christopher
Darci Fererica
Emily Chandra
Ellen Pearl
Scott Guy
Hetty Ali
Horace Cleeves
Ward Gil (bought from a scalper)
Spencer Emery
Bo Elvin
Daisy Naomi
Susie Q. (knock-off doll from the flea market)
Andrea Dulcie
Foxy Jennifer
Brian Michael
Reed Godfrey
Amie Ellie
Will Wallace
Gracie Amelia
Ruth Erma
Andrea Dulcie
Thad, Chad and Brad (I HAD to include the triplets’ names)
Dancia Raninia
Haywood Eddy
Angel Elita
Ancita Pearly
Dottie Teena
Colby Joseph
Xavier James
Peggy Sue
Peggy Bryna
Joette Jobina
Laverne Imogene
Isabel Marion
Angelina Monique
Benazier Buto
Irma Amy
Iris Huberta
Nia Daria
Tansy Freida
Roger Duncan
Zachary Shawn
Aurora Jane
Jocelyn Junia (forced to be called “Peggy” when featured on the news)
Anton Dick
John Michael
Flora Allison
Caroline Millicent
Crystal Elizabeth
Mercy Johanna
Frisco and Felicia (okay, these are koosas and she named them after General Hospital characters)
Glynis Danica
Emma Zara
Burton Lewis
Deanna Alana
Saretta Laverne
Norris Lombardo
Cybal Doreen
Jobina Olive
Roslyn Louisa
Montgomery Ward
Whitney Winne
Herbert Duane
Doesn’t this list, like, absolutely make your day??

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