How To Fold Your Kid Like A Piece Of Laundry…in 3 easy steps!

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FINALLY, the “how to” post you have been waiting and waiting for sooooo long to read! You no longer have to search and search on Pinterest for these instructions. Just think, you will finally have your restful nights back!
In order for this exercise to be completed as intended, you must be in the middle of a Laundry Landfill with your child nearby. Really, any child will do. And don’t we all have Laundry Landfills?

The next thing you do is pull a towel or twelve from the landfill and begin folding. As you finish the stack, you comment on the fabric the child is wearing, only you don’t recognize that it is a child, of course.
“What? ANOTHER TOWEL?!? When did we get blue towels with baseballs all over it?? I thought I was done folding laundry. I tell you what, laundry never ends!”
You then situate your child-towel in front of you to begin Step 1.
                “THE CRISS CROSS”

As you can see, Step 1 involves folding the arms across the face and pretending that it isn’t a face. You are folding a towel! Can’t you see??
At this point, your child-towel will most likely be giggling loudly to which you can reply,
“A noisy towel?? This is insanity! I’m taking this sucker back to Bed, Bath & Beyond!”
(Giggles usually increase at this point, which will inspire you to comment to yourself that you hope you can find that receipt.)
Then, you move on to Step 2.
                  “THE LEG TUCK “

 

In order to fit into a cabinet or drawer, you must fold your laundry very tightly. This means that the legs need to be tucked under the arms or shirt.
(If your towel yells “ouch”, you must ease up. No need injuring your towels.)
(Warning: The more you maneuver your towel, the more likely it will make an unwanted noise. Be gentle with those bowels, I mean, towels.)
The last step, of course:
                 “THE ROLLOVER”

You must stack your child-towel on top of the all of the other towels at this point. That is what you do with laundry. You make stacks. It is also best to exclaim, “Whew!! That was a tough towel to fold! I’ve never folded such a heavy towel before!”
That’s it!
(WARNING: It is very likely that your child-towels will repeatedly asked to be folded again and again and again. The giggling will become louder and louder. The child-towels will say that it is his or her turn now. Sometimes your towels may become quite impatient. Also, once folded, they may claim that they can’t get up to brush their teeth or pick something up or go to bed because they’re folded too tightly. Now you can’t say I didn’t give you a heads up.)

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