The Heart Wrenching True Tale of The Very, Very, Very LAST Water Balloon

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Water balloons are a hot commodity during the summertime. Water balloons are a lot of work. I actually put an ad out for a Water Balloon Filler on NickMom once. Sometimes it would be nice to have an assistant, you know? Right under “teach the kids to tie their shoes” should be “teach the kids how to tie water balloons”. A good supply of full water balloons take a long time to acquire, so the children who eventually get their hands on one have had to stand in line and pay their dues. They can’t just be hasty in their decision-making. They have learned the lesson before. Once a water balloon has been popped, IT’S GONE. Naturally, the next time they get their hands around such a precious object, so many questions fill their minds: Do I bust over my friend’s head? Do I slam it into the grass? Do I throw it up against the wall? Do I slam it on my mom’s head but then it doesn’t pop, so it really kind of hurts and then she gives me a mean look?

If you were my husband and it was the 80s, you would have launched it over your fence into a busy street. Then, you would have realized that the car that you hit was coming down your street to find you. You would then run into your house with your friend and hide while praying your mother, who was out in the front yard watering the bushes, didn’t turn you in.  You would hold your breath as you saw the elderly couple stop in your front yard and talk to your mother. You would then breathe a sigh of relief when you heard her say, “No, no sir. I haven’t seen any kids with water balloons around here. I’ll be sure to be on the look out. Sorry that happened to you, sir.” You would then get scared again because you knew she was coming after you for putting her into that spot. I still wonder what that elderly couple would have done if my mother-in-law had turned the boys in to them right there in the front yard.

They deserved whatever was coming to them.

Water balloons.

Are they worth the trouble?

Not too long ago, we had friends over to swim. Swimming turned into water ballooning before too much time had passed. Unfortunately, I hadn’t planned on filling water balloons for the kids. If I had, I would have been sure to buy the Barrel O’ Balloons from the store, which would have had me sitting in the grass for a good five hours straight with a glazed look in my eyes as I filled and filled and filled and OH, CRAP, THAT ONE BUSTED and filled and filled and filled and filled OH, FART, THESE WATER BALLOONS ARE SO CHEAP and filled and filled and filled and ALL WATER BALLOONS MUST BE MADE IN CHINA and filled and filled and filled and filled and filled and filled and filled and filled I HATE YOUR FILTHY WATER BALLOON FACE and filled and filled and filled and filled and filled and filled and filled and filled and filled and filled and filled and filled and filled and filled and filled and filled QUIT CRYING, I KNOW THAT ONE WAS YOUR WATER BALLOON, I HAVE A THOUSAND MORE IN MY LAP, SON and filled and filled and filled and filled and filled and filled and filled and filled and filled and filled and filled and filled AM I WORTH NOTHING TO YOU? AM I NOTHING BUT A ROBOT THAT KNOWS HOW TO PUT WATER IN A BALLOON AND TIE KNOTS? and filled and filled and filled and filled and filled and filled the balloons over and over again. My 5-year-old, however, saw that we had a small package of them and begged me to fill them up. As I filled and passed them to the kids who were standing in line, I noticed that some squirreled them away and some pretended the water balloons were infants.

(Water balloons parents really do make the cutest water balloon babies. They all look alike! Some are big and some are small, but they have the same exact face!)

One little boy realized that his big sister had squirreled away more than he had just as the final water balloons were being filled. He realized that she had THREE left and he only had ONE.

He was not happy.
“Mom, please make her give me one of those water balloons,” he asked.

“Those aren’t your water balloons. Those are her water balloons. You had your water balloons already.”

“I want one of those, Mom! She has THREE! Make her give me one!”

This conversation continued, or one very, very, very close to it, for quite some time. Like many conversations with jilted children, there were tears. Lots and lots and lots of tears.

And more tears.

He was quite worked up.

Upon deciding that he could take no more of this injustice, he sped off across the yard and stood in the back by some trees while he sobbed. He sobbed and held his very valuable water balloon very close to his fast pumping heart. His precious, precious, sweet water balloon. The water balloon that was the last of all water balloons. The water balloon that, if it went away, he would never see again. There is no bringing back water balloons. He knew this… He knew this so well that he held that water balloon with such care and adoration, you’d almost think he was holding a newborn hummingbird.

Seeing her son all upset across the yard tore at my friend’s heart. She decided it was time to go to his side and provide him some comfort. Though she couldn’t make water balloons appear out of thin air, she could possibly say the right words to help him to calm down and get him back on track.

She reached his side.

She knelt down.

She looked into his sad eyes.

She gave him a nice, sincere, loving hug.

And she accidentally popped that balloon.
(I’ll let you figure out how the rest of that story went.)

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