You guys, when I was little, I wrote stories all the time. From the moment I could write, I wrote stories. When I was about 9, I wrote this long (really boring) story that contained nothing but people talking to each other. I was so, so proud of this book and was CERTAIN it would appear on the shelves of Waldenbooks someday. My grandmother typed it out for me and my dad illustrated it. I was so, so very proud of it. It makes me sad that I don't know where it is anymore.
(How could I have been so careless with Pulitzer material?)
As I got older, I wanted to write real books. This blog is a subsitution for the book that I want to write one day, but can't seem to find the time to get done. I think I became a bit disillusioned about book writing after observing book graveyards at the dollar store and Garden Ridge. People stressed, sweated and stayed up really late over these books and now they're practically being given away. "Take me. For the love of ink and paper, TAKE ME!" they cry as we glide past them on our way to the cheap gift bags.
Antique book stores is another place that got me all deep thinking about books. Rows and rows and rows and rows of books whose authors kicked the bucket decades and decades ago. Biographies of people that no one even knows existed. I've bought a few. I've thought, "Little buddy, no one knows who you are and really could give a rat's ear about anything that happened in your life, so I'll buy you. I'll buy you, little buddy, and figure out all your ins and outs."
(I never did finish reading that book.)
Don't even get me started about used book stores.
So, I sort of shelved the book writing dream. I mean, I don't know if I'll ever truly cross it out, but writing a book? Ain't nobody got time fo dat! At least, Sweet Brown and I don't. (Maybe Sweet Brown does. I can't speak for Sweet Brown.) I should say, I don't have time right now to write an entire book.
But, being a part of a book? Oh, I found time for that.
If we have similar blogging circles, or if you follow me on Facebook, then you have already heard about this little book already. It is called "I Just Want To Pee Alone" and it is anthology containing stories about motherhood from 37 different bloggers. Some of those bloggers are BIG TIME. I'm talking 40k, 50k, 60k, 70k and 80k+ followers on Facebook. Goodness gracious alive.
Annnnnd, here are the funny ladies:
The book contains humorous stories. Some are laugh-out-loud stories. Here is an official snippet: "Motherhood is the toughest – and funniest – job you'll ever love. Raising kids is hard work. The pay sucks, your boss is a tyrant, and the working conditions are pitiful – you can't even take a bathroom break without being interrupted with another outrageous demand." I actually don't mind if my little dudes are in and out while I'm, you know, busy in there. It's when one of them sticks a Candy Land board game or asks me to play Trouble while I'm reaching for some squares that I have to ask them to hold their horses already.
Here's the deal with this book: it's not exactly G. Or PG. Or, actually, in many places, not even PG-13. That is something that you should know before reading/buying it. Parts of the book will be offensive to some. That's why I say it's like the movie "Bridesmaids", but in a book. Remember how many different personalities came together for Lillian's wedding? All made you laugh at some point, but for different reasons. That blonde mom may have made you blush, or at least made your mom blush. I can safely say that there are no Helens in this book mix, at least I don't think so. (I really wish there were some Brynns, Rebel Wilson's character.) There are many different styles of bloggers, lots of different types of humor and many different words chosen to describe funny situations. How you approach the book is up to you. I know everyone will find something funny along the way. (My chapter is definitely in the PG range, Mom! Maybe even G!) I finished the book in two days. It was a fast read!
And, guess what else? Right now it is #1 on Amazon's Hot New Releases for humor, parenting and families humor AND humor essays. That's craziness.
Like all books, it can be ordered in a quadrigazmillion ways. (Almost all books, I should say. Some of those old fart biographies from 1892 I mentioned up there ain't available on Amazon.) I have the links below for you to order one for yourself or someone else, but know that I would LOVE to give THREE copies away to THREE different commenters on this post. All I ask is that you leave a comment, like me on Facebook and/or follow me via Google Friend Connect.
Here are the ways you can order it, if you want it on your...
Nightstand in a paperback version, go to Amazon here.
Kindle, go here.
Nook, go to Smashwords here. (Barnes & Trouble are taking too long.)
Computerized device of some sort, go to Apple/iTunes here.
Kobo or Sony Reader, go here.
If you wanted me to sign your book and put a personalized message in it, I could totally do that (just let me know), but I doubt you'd want that. I mean, I buy all of my clothes at Target, dye my own hair with henna that I can only get at Whole Foods because I am allergic to EVERYTHING else and this morning I burnt oatmeal.
Again, if you would like to win one of THREE copies, leave a comment about whatever (you can tell me about your first grade teacher's hairstyle, if you'd like) and either like me on Facebook and/or follow me via Google Friend Connect. I will pick the winner next Monday using Random.org!
Thanks, awesome people!
38 comments:
I already like you on FB, I followed you on Google! I love reading your blogs. The book looks AWESOME!
Kelley,
I too have found myself begging to have a moment alone when I pee. With three boys it gets tough. But, at last! All are in school and I can't pee alone. Our two loveable mutts decide it's their turn to see what ALL the fuss is about. Then if Toby & Emma (sweet mutts) find it less than exciting...my dear Smokey - a siamese chocolate sealpoint rescue finds her opportunity. So, if I should win please do write a little something - but make is short & sweet since we both know we don't have time on our hands to read anything too lenghty. (read: War & Peace)
I like you on FB & follow you through Google (and twitter!) I'd love to read this - short stories (essentially) sound like something I could handle with a 2yo in the house. Nothing longer though, god knows. :/
I liked you on FB, and I'd love love love a copy of your book:)
I would love a copy of this book! I follow your blog and like you on Facebook. Really, though, I want a copy because it has a toilet on it. If my son sees me reading, he interrupts me. If he sees me reading something with a toilet on the front, he'll think I'm cool...you know, in a 6-year-old-boy kind of way.
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I follow you on facebook and love your blog! Can't wait to read this book. (And I can do that sooner if I win a copy. ;) )
So, Chica, if I don't win this book, I might just have to buy a copy. But a hard copy, because my 9YO has a Kindle and shares my account. ;)
This book sounds amazing!! Congrats on being a part of it! I'd love to win a copy! I'm a GFC follower.
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I think you're hilarious! Would love to win a copy of your new book!!
P.S. I also follow you on GFC
stefany21@yahoo.com
Love you and I'm dying to read the book. And I'm your newest follower on Facebook
I'd follow you anywhere, especially into a wine bar. Or a w(h)ine bar. I'm not fussy. As long as the whine bar is kid free. And I'd like the book. Same genre as mine! Squee!
I cannot wait to read this book!!
Yay! Now I want to write a book. Or five. But I am not a mommy anymore, I'm more like a bank. So maybe I can't. Why are all my friends writng books and I am not? This is NUTS!!
I absolutely loved Bridesmaids, so this book sounds perfect! Congrats and rock on with Sweet Brown! =)
Oh my gosh, reading this post took my breath away. I am blog hopping all of the blogs in the book, and I love them all. Your post particularly stood out to me because it SO describes my life--to a T! The writing stories at 9 years old (my most prized Christmas present was a typewriter; my older sister's was a pair of Guess jeans--you can see how different we were--haha), the Waldenbooks dream (I SWORE the book that I wrote that summer would be on the shelves by the next year!), the dream of being published--everything. I have written novels that are unpublished, and my blog, too, has become what I have time to focus on while raising kids and working. I never knew I could love writing short stories so much, but I have fallen in love with blogging. I hope to have an ending like yours someday--in a published book. Congratulations on your dream coming true!!
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Congrats on the book! If I should win could you address mine to "little buddy". Thanks!
Ha! You know I'd be happy to write in "little buddy" for you. Anything for you guys!!
This is such a super awesome comment! Thank you!! So funny that we have so much in common. I love that! I loved, loved, loooooved Waldenbooks. I would beg my mom to let me sit in there and read while she and my sister went shopping. Ha! What is the name of your blog? I am CERTAIN your dream will come true! I really appreciate your comment!
Ha! Oh, I did, too. Do you know who Sweet Brown is? How I love that lady. Ain't nobody got time fo dat!
I feel like a bank, too! I would love for you to write a book. I know it would be funny! I don't really feel like I wrote a book. I was just "in" one, you know? Get to writing!!
Thank you!! Happy to have your follow! Good luck!
It is pretty funny stuff! Thanks so much for your nice words. Good luck!
Ha! Yeah, I'd say you need a hard copy. I wouldn't want my kids reading it! It's definitely meant for moms. Good luck!
Thank you SO much, Tara! Good luck!
Ha! Yeah, the toilet seat does make it more enticing, right? Good luck! (And thanks for following!)
Thanks for your like and good luck on winning a copy!
Yeah, it is something that you can read fast. Thanks for your likes and good luck!
Ha! It never gets better, huh? Someone always needs our attention. I guess that's a good thing. :) But, hold on, what is a "siamese chocolate sealpoint"? I have never heard of that! I will have to Google that for sure. Yeah, I'll make it short and sweet! :)
Thanks so much! I really appreciate your nice words. Good luck!
Thanks for telling me about this giveaway on Facebook. Wish me luck :D
I'd follow you, too, Leanne! Guess what? You were one of the winners. Can you send me your address to kelleysbreakroom@gmail.com? If you prefer an e-reader one, let me know. Yay!
Have you bought it yet? You were one of the winners! If you are still interested in receiving it, e-mail me your address to kelleysbreakroom@gmail.com. If you prefer an e-reader version, let me know. Thanks!
I'm so sorry that I just saw this comment, Kelley! I popped back over here to read a few of your most recent posts. My blog is www.trashyblog.com; thanks so much for asking. I'd love to have you come by!!
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Comments make me feel like I'm not talking to the wall. Don't get me wrong. I love talking to walls. Some of my best friends are walls. Still, I like hearing from you, so thanks!