I Met Harry Potter’s Grandfather. Or at least it could have been. Either way, he was awesome.

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I’m pretty sure it was him, anyway.

You didn’t read much about Harry Potter’s grandfather. Okay, anything. It was like the grandfather was a nobody. J. K. Rowling swept him under the rug with a Quidditch broom and left us all to guess about the poor bloke. It was all about Lily and James. They never said, “Oh, Harry’s grandfather’s name was Bob Potter.” He never was outright identified, so there really is no way you can convince me that this guy I met on Friday night wasn’t Harry Potter’s grandfather.

No way at all.

Harry Potter’s grandfather was sitting at the counter at Frank’s Pizza in downtown Houston. At first, I thought he was just an elderly man that came to Frank’s Pizza every night to people watch.

I know it looks like we took our kids to da club, or a bar, but it’s really a good pizza place. Just with lots of beer. We were looking for a quick place to go after watching a show downtown, alright?
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“Awww, Chris. Look at that old man at the counter. Think he comes here every night?”

“You don’t know who that is, Kelley?”

“Who is it? You don’t know who it is, either.”

“Yes, I do. I saw that sign over there.”

“What sign?”

“Right there.”

(Yes, it does say “Star” instead of “Potter” but that is his alias. Duh. Don’t you think if it said “Potter”, the poor man wouldn’t be able to take one step without someone asking for his autograph? Think of how uncomfortable a trip to CVS for some Alka-Setzer would become!!)

“Oh, you know you just saw that sign 5 seconds ago and you are acting like you’ve seen it the whole time. I know how you operate.”

“I saw it 5 seconds after we walked into the restaurant.”

(He thinks he is so smart.)

So, anyway, it wasn’t just a man sitting at the counter after all. It was Harry Potter’s grandfather that walks around calling himself a “comedian magician”. He performs his shows at all of the muggles’ tables. Except, at that time, he wasn’t doing any shows. He was just sitting at the counter. Right in front of the Splenda packets.

Until he saw my sons sit down with their pizza.

“‘ello, theh!” he called out to us as he slowly walked toward our table.

(Did you catch my attempt to write out an English accent?)

“Mind if I make you young men balloon swords?” he asked my boys.

(I’ve given up on writing in an English accent.)

After he gave them those fun things, he proceeded to floor me with his tricks. Floor me, people. On the floor. Me. He also floored my husband. Kids, too. On the floor. Them.

(What did we expect from Harry Potter’s actual grandfather, though?)

Before I tell you the awesomeness that is wrapped up in John Star/Potter, let me tell you that he has been in MANY other places besides Frank’s Pizza in downtown Houston.  I mean, Frank’s Pizza is good, but…it’s not a gigantic place. It still blows my mind that he was there.

He has performed for Princess Diana, Prince Edward, Lady Spencer, Sharon Stone, Eric Clapton, Sir Michael Caine, Sean Connery and Kelley Nettles.

(Did you see how I threw my name in there at the end?)

He’s big time, people. Big.

So, anyway, he did some cute tricks with my husband and two boys using a wooden contraption. He would have them stick their finger in a hole, smash down on it with this wooden thing, which, of course, they never felt. It was a like wooden finger guillotine. It left us all flabbergasted. (That word makes my stomach hurt.)

The craziest trick is the one he did with me. He had me pick a card (any card!) and then put it back in the stack. Then, he had me write my name down on this card that showed a picture of a little boy magician. (Is that Harry???) He walked away for a minute because he said he needed to help get the marker to dry on the card. He came back and swiped his finger and made the little boy’s cards fall down on the floor of the picture. Next, he swiped his finger over the card and made the blank card that was in the boy’s hand be holding the card that I picked! All the while, my name was on the top of the card to show that he hadn’t switched out the cards.

I’m majorly flabbergasted at that one. (I’m going to need some Pepto Bismol. That “flabbergasted” word is really working a number on my system. Anybody got any?)

Not as much as this next trick, though.

He had my husband punch in a bunch of numbers in a calculater and multiply, divide, add and subtract it every which-a-way (a total word in Texas) until we finally stopped and had a total. He then had us look at a picture of a taxi. (Or did he have us look at the taxi first? Hmmm…) He asked us questions about it that were clearly time stalling questions. The next thing he asked us to do was to look at the serial number on the side of the taxi and, you guessed it, it was the same number as the total we came up with on the calculator.

Wha???

A quick search on Google did not reveal any mathematical trick that always results in the number 4,721,165. Craziness. Flabbergas– Ouch.

He really was funny, too. His website makes me laugh, as well. Under the “FAQ” tab, he has questions that you would really want to know the answers to, like, whether or not he knows David Copperfield, why he travels around doing these tricks, what Harry Potter likes on his hamburger, etc. He just has at the bottom “The answers are coming straight away.” (What’s the deal with the English and their “straight away”?) You know those answers are never coming. Tricky, tricky man!

So, yeah, that was Harry Potter’s grandfather. Dead ringer, too. They both have a lot of thick dar hair on top of their heads. Besides that, he was a magician and he was from England. How much more do you need to be Harry Potter’s grandfather, for goodness sakes?

I bet he even plays Quidditch.

Or at least has a broom.

(I totally cut myself out of this picture because I was looking like I
 had just fought a hyena over a piece of wildebeest.)
Do you know any magic tricks??
 
(My favorite one is where I ask someone to “pick a card, pick a card, any card”. They look at it, I don’t and then they put it back in the stack. I then go through each card and ask “Is this it? Is this it? Is this it? Is this it? Is this it? Is this it? Is this it? Is this it? Is this it? Is this it? Is this it?” until walk away, I finally get to the card after going through them all or they set the cards on fire.)

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A few of things before you go…

#1 I am giving away my very favorite book to read to my kids on my Facebook page. I’d love to hear what books you loved to have read to you as a child and/or what books you like to read to your children, if you have them. You can even tell me what you like on your hamburger. I just want to give one of you that book. The winner will come from the Facebook comments and will be picked randomly this Wednesday night. Find it HERE.

#2 It is highly unlikely that I will be in the Top 25 Funniest Moms in the Circle of Moms contest, because, welp, folks, there are some big guns in there. Me? Not a big gun. I’m #44, dingdangit! I’m like a water gun that is broken and leaking. If I don’t win, well, I will survive. As long as I know how to love, I know I’ll stay alive. I’ve got all my life to live and I’ve got all my love to give and I’ll survive. Oh, I’ll survive. BUT, if you feel inclined to click over there and then feel further inclined to click that thumbs up sign by my gigantic face, I will be ever so grateful. (Go HERE.) It’s a once a day thing. Hey! Hey!

#3 Every weekday on the Kelley’s Break Room Facebook page, I am including a picture of someone’s purse and the contents. (It can also be someone’s man-bag, guys!) We just started last week. There is obviously a link to your site, if you have one, and a blurb about you. So far, purses from Scary Mommy, The Divine Secrets of a Domestic Diva and The Fordeville Diaries have been dumped. (Mine has, too!) You can see them HERE. If you would like to show yours off, let me know in the comments or e-mail me at kelleysbreakroom@gmail.com.

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