In the last couple of weeks, I have told the story about how my then 3-year-old son lied and said he didn’t eat any of the chocolate cake batter while his face was covered in it (and had video, too!)AND about how my then 4-year-old sister said she didn’t buy my dad a brush when he could feel the bristles right through the Christmas wrapping paper. Not wanting to feel like we were the only family with some little liars in it, I appreciated the comments on the posts and the funny stories shared on the Kelley’s Break Room Facebook page when I asked for more.
So, you be the judge. Or, you be Santa Claus, I guess. He’s the stocking stuffer.
Anonymous Commenter: My sister saw bite marks in the butter so she asked her 3 year old daughter, “Sofia, did you eat the butter?” Sofia said, “No, Mommy. I didn’t eat the butter.” Without skipping a beat my sister asked, “Did it taste nasty?” “Yes, Mommy, it was gross.”
Rhoda: My daughter, Ryland, stole my husband’s razor and sliced her hand open when she was little. She swore she cut her hand by zipping it up her in camera bag. So, the next week after it healed, I said, “Here, hold this for me” and handed her the razor. She screamed. I asked, “What’s wrong? I bet you won’t ever grab these again.” She yelled, “Nooooo way!!” and then covered her mouth really fast and said “Oh man, it was the zipper case, Mommy, I promise. “
Bryan: Kailey (my youngest) decided she would go into my oldest daughters room and play in her make-up and curl her hair. Well, she got so caught up in curling her hair she forgot about the makeup. She comes out with a 1970’s fro and I ask her “Kailey, were you playing with Alyssa’s curling iron? It looks like you stuck your finger in a light socket! You know you’re not allowed to play with that.” She looked at me and says, “No, Daddy, I was playing by the wall plug and I think my finger accidentally slipped in it!!”
Emmy Mom (Emmy Mom: Taking Life One Day At A Time): My oldest two were downstairs playing while I was trying to get ready for the day. I had already had to go downstairs twice while getting ready to get them to stop fighting. They were finally both settled down playing on their own and all was quiet when my daughter comes running upstairs saying that her brother bit her. She even showed me the bite mark on her hand. But I saw the look on her face, realized I had not heard any sort of yelling and asked her why she bit herself- the look on her face told it all.
Toni: I have a niece who used to snag her uncle’s chips out of his lunch bag. After weeks of putting up with it, he opened the bag, dumped a whole small bottle of hot sauce on them, warmed them in the oven to crisp them and resealed them in the bag. He was getting ready for a road trip for work when she grabbed his lunch. She couldn’t tell us what was wrong because she would have been caught fibbing. It was the last time she took his lunch.
Julie: My son’s hair is short anyway, but one night at dinner my husband noticed a big gap out of his bangs. He asks, “Trey, did you cut your hair?” “Nope,” he replies. Husband tries again, “Trey, I can see there’s a piece missing right here.” He says nothing. I tried a different approach….”Buddy, when did you cut your hair?” “Yesterday.”
Stephanie (Binkies to Briefcases): I caught my 5-year-old son standing up and surfing on top of the electric keyboard we use for his piano lessons. I told him he’d better be careful or Santa would put him on the naughty list and he replied, “It doesn’t matter. I have plans to erase that whole list.” (Not really a lie, but it makes this list!)
Allison (Motherhood, WTF?): When I was 2 my parents found a bright red stripe across their white carpeting. They followed the trail and it led to me in the kitchen, standing on a chair, with my hand over my head trying to put back and upside down open bottle of nail polish. Without a moment’s hesitation I immediately said “Dede (my toddler name for my brother) did it.”
Allison (Motherhood, WTF?): (She has another one!) The best lie my son ever told was to a visiting 2-year-old. They were all eating dinner and my son ate all of his own food and wanted more. He walked over to the glass slider and then called to the 2-year-old neighbor, “OMG, come here! You’ve GOT to see this. It’s a wolf! A flying wolf outside! Come here quick!” The kid toddled over and my son said, “Just stay there a minute, I’ll be right back.” He went and ate all the other kid’s food. Then he came back and said, “Oh, I guess the wolf flew away.”
Leslie Marinelli (The Bearded Iris): She actually wrote a whole post about her daughter’s like that as a guest post over at Parenting (Illustrated With Crappy Pictures). It was called “Sticking Situation” because it involves her daughter putting gum somewhere she shouldn’t be putting gum. I can tell you no more. You must go there to read. You must.
You know, I’m sort of leaning toward these kids not getting coal. For one thing, it would totally mess up their stocking. The mothers would then have to wash the stocking to get the coal off of it and what would happen to the stocking? Some aren’t washable! It would end up being the mother’s problem ultimately, so, yeah, no coal. Anyway, haven’t we all told a big fat one, especially when we were little? Right? You haven’t? How about your kids?