Land of the IKEAns

If you are not subscribed to Point Counter Point Point Point, you have to subscribe now. I really don't think there is any choice here. These guys, Pat and Christian, are so, so funny! I laugh out loud EVERY TIME I read their posts. You will see in a minute when you read what they have to say about IKEA below. (Sidenote: I love the IKEA commercials on the radio here in Houston because the Swedish lady says "IKEA Ooostone"). Basically, these guys post their conversations. It's like you're in a booth at Chili's and they're in the booth behind you and you can hear their every word because they talk so loud. It's free entertainment!  You'll see what I mean in the post titled....

Source of the original photo


Before we start we would first like to give a big thank you to Kelley for letting us do a guest post here at Kelley’s Break Room. To show our appreciation we’ve sent you two Orange Juliuses that we purchased from our local Orange Julius emporium. We didn’t know your mailing address so we just addressed the package to Kelley in Texas. Hopefully you’ll be getting it soon. OK let’s start this thing.


When I head to Pet Smart to get cat food and such I usually tell the kids that we are going to the zoo. There’s a variety of animals there so it’s hard to argue that it’s not a zoo. Similarly, when we head to IKEA I tell them we are going to Europe. It helps that our local IKEA is located right next to the airport so it adds to the illusion that we are really traveling somewhere.

I kind of have a love-hate relationship with IKEA. I like going there but I don’t like the crowds. But I do like their meatballs with that sauce made out of lingonberries, which I’m assuming is something IKEA invented in their IKEA labs. I mean who has ever heard of a lingonberry? Totally sounds made up.

Most IKEAs can be seen from space.

But I also think there is a fine art to shopping there.The trick is to avoid the stuff that is too IKEA looking and make sure you don’t put too much IKEA furniture in one room. You need to mix it with furniture from other places so the IKEA-ness of the IKEA doesn’t stand out. The last thing you want is for people to enter your house and say “Oh hey that’s from IKEA!” If this has happened to you then you have totally failed.

Pat, what are your feelings about IKEA?

Pat: Similar to my feelings about Trader Joe’s. I went to a friend’s house for dinner once, and identified every ingredient in the meal by the aisle on which it can be found. And then I made some quip like, “It’s a Trader Joe’s world, and we all just try to put our own spin on it. Hard to be unique, I guess”.

I think that was the last time I was invited over.

But I still shop at Trader Joe’s, because I still LIKE Trader Joe’s. And I shop at IKEA because I LIKE IKEA. But yeah, I get a bit embarrassed when people so easily identify our unique Scandinavian furniture and housewares.

And I am totally with you on the lingonberries. They make a really great sweet-savory-salty-umami combo when mixed with that brown gravy stuff.

Christian: Interesting similarities with your Trader Joe’s example. I guess it’s a good thing I get all my cooking ingredients at 7-11. No one has ever identified the ground up 7-11 sausage-fried pepperoni corn dogs I put in my famous veggie-lasagna.

So we are in agreement that we like IKEA furniture but in limited doses. But what about actually shopping there?

I once went to the IKEA in Seattle on Christmas-eve so I pretty much know what the Vietnam war was like. But on rare occasions I have found myself there with hardly any other people and the experience could almost be described as pleasant.

Pat: Oh, don’t get me wrong, or misquote me. I didn’t say anything about the furniture at IKEA (my spouse is the furniture-getter in our family). I just like to go there. Y’know, look at people. Eat some stuff. Generally hang out.

Do you go there to actually buy stuff to take home?

Christian: Well, actually yes I do. I think that’s kind of the purpose of the store.

But yes I agree it’s a great place to hang out. Especially if you strictly hang out in the display areas. It’s like being at a house party at a huge house that has lots of tiny little rooms with a severely out of whack bedroom to bathroom ratio. Granted there often seems to be way too many people at the party but that’s pretty much true for any great party.

Which reminds me, IKEA could really use a bar.

What would be better than heading over to IKEA for an after work drink? Order a scotch and kick back on one of the numerous Ektorps (couches), put your feet up on a Boksel (coffee table) and stare at a fake plastic TV (fake plastic TV). I like to create my own fun so anytime someone asks me if I have any questions I respond with “Shhh, I’m trying to watch this.”

They should also make it adults only. I mean definitely keep the kid care area - I don’t want to have to pay for a babysitter - but make it mandatory and allow no one under 21 past the entryway.

And to prevent it from getting too crowded we’ll need a bouncer at the front that makes sure only a limited number of people will be in the store at any given time.

Don’t you think that would make for a much more pleasant furniture shopping experience?

Pat: Yes! I usually do my drinking BEFORE I venture to IKEA--it helps take the edge off, and, coincidentally, I find it easier to understand the assembly instructions when I’m a little toasted--but the thought of all those fake display bottles actually being filled with something makes me want to shop more often.

With meatballs? And some shelves? Hmm?

Did you ever hear that story by that guy? There was a dude who, for a radio story and with the permission of his local IKEA store (and I assume the IKEA mothership), lived in an IKEA for a month. That sounds AWESOME! Imagine if all of those rooms weren’t just on display, but were actually YOUR HOUSE?!?!?

I might try to do that, only without asking. Just hide in one of the features ‘til after closing. You want in?

Christian: I’m in. I’ll meet you in the kok avsnitt (kitchen section). I’ll be hiding in one of the stora skap (large cabinets) dressed som en stor morot (as a large carrot). Wait sec. Dressed as a large carrot? That was supposed to say dressed in dark clothing. Damn that internet translator!


Funny dudes, right? You can find the Point Counter Point Point Point blog here, their Facebook page here and their witty little Twitter stream here.


Sisterhood of the Sensible Moms said... [Reply]

The IKEA's on the East Coast must be more progressive because I can't believe you didn't mention the timeshare opportunities.

And WHERE is the link to that veggie-lasagna? Ellen

Kirby Dunton Carespodi said... [Reply]

Oh. em. gee. These guys are great! If I wasn't married, I would totally-

Elpoo said... [Reply]

You need to go to here to find out more about IKEA.

Sisterhood of Sensible Moms, are you talking to me? Because I do actually have a great recipe.


Eva Gallant said... [Reply]

Now I feel deprived; I've never been to Ikea....

Peiji said... [Reply]

aw I love Ikea haha, I always pretend that I live
there, it's the adult version of playing house :)

Pickleope said... [Reply]

Why DON'T they have a bar? Put it right next to the kiddie play land (aka "Crockpot of Germs"). There was also a group of comedians who filmed a soap opera style show clandestinely in an IKEA. Sadly I don't remember the name of (too much pre-partying before IKEA shopping).
Big fan of the boys, glad to see them get much deserved recognition.

Ashley@AttemptsAtDomestication said... [Reply]

Hahaha! Oh Ikea! It's definitely a love hate relationship! Our closest one is 2 hours away, so I plan out my trips very carefully. I write out a list of all of things that I want and then I go and I better get it all since I can't go back.

Christian at Point Counter-Point Point Point said... [Reply]

@Sisterhood of the Sensible Moms

Timeshares? You mean you get to purchase part of an IKEA to vacation at?

Christian at Point Counter-Point Point Point said... [Reply]

@Kirby Dunton CarespodiGo on...

Christian at Point Counter-Point Point Point said... [Reply]

@ElpooCool video. I had not seen that before but I think I've heard other stuff by him.

Christian at Point Counter-Point Point Point said... [Reply]

@Eva GallantIt's like going to Disney Land but with all the rides and attractions replaced with small furniture.

Christian at Point Counter-Point Point Point said... [Reply]

@PeijiTotally. It's a blast until you have to be escorted out of the building by security.

Christian at Point Counter-Point Point Point said... [Reply]

@PickleopeI've heard about that Soap Opera but never saw it. I must go find it now.

Christian at Point Counter-Point Point Point said... [Reply]

@Ashley@AttemptsAtDomesticationUntil somewhat recently our closest one was 3 hours away. We would have to plan full day trips there.

Christian at Point Counter-Point Point Point said... [Reply]

And thanks again Kelley for letting us do a guest post. We'll try and clean up before we leave, but no guarantees.

Elpoo said... [Reply]

@Christian at Point Counter-Point Point Point

You are, like, totally super welcome and all.

Meredith said... [Reply]

You guys have just destroyed IKEA shopping for me. I will now go and spend half the shopping trip in tears, realizing there is no bar. The play area might be tops with my 3 yr old, but it really doesn't serve Mommy's interests...

Christian at Point Counter-Point Point Point said... [Reply]

@MeredithWe recommend sending IKEA an e-mail asking that they put bars in all their stores. Mark it as urgent so that they know you mean business.

P.S. Make sure they understand you mean bars that server alcohol, not bars as in bars on the windows and doors.

Pat said... [Reply]

What? You would totally what? Don't leave me hanging like that. I mean, you know, if you ever, well, I'm, um, know.

Pat said... [Reply] would what, exactly? I might totally too, y' know. Just sayin'.

Janine Huldie said... [Reply]

My husband loves IKEA, but he is an Irishman who loves his bars. So are you sure there are no bars there, lol!! Seriously, this was hilarious and thank you for the laugh here tonight!!

Carrie - Cannibalistic Nerd said... [Reply]

We moved from Atlanta, which has an Ikea, to Durham, which doesn't. The closest Ikea is three hours away, so we will definitely be staying the night in it the next time we visit.

Christian at Point Counter-Point Point Point said... [Reply]

@Janine - Your husband sounds like an intelligent man.

@Carrie - Good idea. They have a ton of comfy beds to choose from too.

Kelly Sheehy said... [Reply]

I love going to IKEA...that is one thing that I miss since our move, there is no IKEA in our new province...very sad.

Robyn Welling said... [Reply]

We don't have IKEA *or* Trader Joe's. It's like living in a prison on a remote part of Neptune around here. Heck, we have to drive 20 minutes just to get to Target. I'm basically just waiting for the sweet release of death.

Christian at Point Counter-Point Point Point said... [Reply]

@Kelley - province? You must live in on of those foreign countries I've heard so much about. You should write your queen or king about getting an IKEA.

@Robyn - Should I be feeling guilty about laughing out loud at your comment about waiting for the sweet release of death? I'm going to go ahead and just assume no.

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