Crystal Gayle's Pantyhose (and "Finding the Funny" #42!)

Such a random blog topic, yes?

Well, it all has to do with Google. By far, the most traffic I get on this blog from Google is to my Freckle Juice post. See it in the right side bar?  Really, I guess lots of people get nostalgic about the book, do a search for it and that's why they end up here. (Then they cry and gnash their teeth.)

The second two greatest sources of traffic?

Crystal Gayle

AND

Pantyhose.

I thought if I combined the two phrases, I might get SO much traffic that Jimmy Kimmel would ask me to be on his show or something. To surprise me, he'd bring out Crystal Gayle and have her sit in between Ed McMahon and me. (Sorry. My mistake. He was on Johnny Carson's show. Johnny. Jimmy. It could happen to anyone.) I would give Crystal a big hug, untangle my hand from her hair and then get right to business with, "Why did you sing Don't Make My Brown Eyes Blue when your eyes are blue?" We'd stare at each other in an awkward, angry silence for a while and then Jimmy would be forced to cut to the commercial.

No, I'm sure that wouldn't happen because Crystal Gayle is probably a super nice person and is a brown-eyed girl that just wears blue contacts. Also, I'm sure she wears pantyhose. Let me see if I can do a search and find out for sure.


Source


Well, dingdang it, I guess she doesn't wear pantyhose. Or is she wearing them? So hard to tell from this 1988 ad for the Personal Touch razor.

Check. Out. That. Hair.

Back in October 2011, I wrote a post called "Locked Up For Love". It was about the people over at Locks of Love, undoubtedly a very worth organization, salivating over Crystal Gayle's hair at some point along the way. I drew a fake employee holding scissors and asking Crystal Gayle to hand it over already. The post receives lots of hits from Google weekly and has been pinned on Pinterest 177 times. (I just saw that Pinterest information today.)

My little post was all a joke, of course.

But, folks, I touched a nerve. See what this lady wrote in the comments?

I love Crystal Gayles hair, it is gorgeous. I think judging her on her choice to keep her hair long is wrong. We all have the freedom to make the choices about how we keep our hair style. Your choice may be to keep your hair short, long, or to donate it, her choice is to keep it long. In the Bible it says "a womans hair is her crowning glory". I thank God for my glory, my hair is mid-thigh length as well as my mothers. My sisters hair is mid-calf length. We choose not to cut our hair, and that is a choice we have a RIGHT to make just like anyone who cuts or donates their hair. LOVING MY CROWNING GLORY :)

For the record, Crystal can keep that mop.

I also touched a nerve or two with my "Are you wearing pantyhose?" post, which, as I said before, is the other post that brings in a lot of Google traffic. I know it's random Google people that don't stay around for a while because I come into the Break Room and see their empty Coke cans EVERYWHERE. GOOGLE PEOPLE DON'T KNOW HOW TO USE A TRASH CAN!

Here's part of the pantyhose rant I found in the comments of that post. I left out the part where she talks about how she loves when her husband wears nylon and heels.
Why have women stopped wearing nylons? It's not as if their legs look any better without them.

Apparently they don't understand how sexy the art of just the right nylons can be. My husband loves nylons with the seam up the back with stilettos. Some men love women to grace their legs with decorative nylons. Some love tights and boots. There are many items of clothing women have abandoned that I find truly sad. Hats are one of them, and gloves. For that matter alot of women don't even dress up for a symphony or opera anymore, or to go to a restaurant. They don't understand how wonderful it can be to celebrate the power of their feminine beauty with clothing.

What's sexier than a woman wearing a black wide brimmed hat with one side down slightly over her face and red lipstick? Women aren't mysterious anymore. That's a crying shame. They would rather show it all or follow the latest trend than to embrace their own unique style. I guess that's always been the way of it.

But women don't have to be one way or the other. They can be many ways. I see it as a disconnect from their own feminine core. Its one thing to enjoy bare legs. Its another to deny nylons altogether for the sake of keeping up with some trend. They need to realize that more than anything a trend is a business decision from a manufacturer or a designer in order to promote him or herself. Why shouldn't women, and men too, just wear whatever style they want whenever they want? I guess they have agreed to be ruled by the fashion Gestapo. Such subservient creatures. They fight to be unique in their teens, then in their adulthood they blend back in so fast you can't see it happening. Fake individualism for the sake of acceptance. Money generated from 'trends' is big business. People tell the 'pawns' what and what not to wear to be 'IN'...LOL. What a joke.

As far as bare legs are concerned, self tanning cream is bringing manufacturers big bucks everywhere in the country. Some women just like to have bare legs. That's okay, why not? But to NOT wear something because someone else says so is ridiculous and what I call the giving over of personal authority. More than that, it demonstrates the disturbing drive of our society to be sheep led by some shepherd that knows so much more than they do. Its bad medicine..


So, yes, we are in 2012 and people are still as curious as ever about Freckle Juice, Crystal Gayle and pantyhose. Now that you know this, you will surely understand why I will soon change my blog's name to FreckleJuiceCrystalGaylePantyhose Room. It will also come as no surprise when you see that the Cokes will be replaced with small little plastic egg shapes filled with L'Eggs in the vending machine. Don't be alarmed by the cardboard cut-out of Crystal Gayle you will soon see in the corner either!


Now, please, grab a Coke or whatever you'd like to drink, and discuss.

(And, then, ahem, link up below.)





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Can you guess what time it is now, smart people? Oh! Would you look at that?? This sign below must give it all away. It's Finding The Funny time, not to be confused with Finding the Funny Looking time. Please do not send pictures of loony mall walkers you find.


It's that time of the week again! Anna and I are thrilled that you stop by each week to link up and take the time to read some of the posts that catch your eye. For the newcomers, remember to put the name of your blog post in the "name" spot on the linky tool. Your post can be something brand new or something that you have written in the past that you think would make us laugh. Also, know that you can link up as many times as you want AND it will show up here, as well as over at Anna's place. We look forward to reading it!

Also, I want to give a quick shout out to Anna's new e-book, "FUN! Holiday Traditions". It is full of super fun, easy-to-do activities that you can start with your own kids. If you don't have kids, it is a great book to pass along to those you know with them. You can get the e-book FREE by signing up for Anna's newsletter here. There are many reasons that is a good idea!


Most Clicked Links from Last Week

#1 - How A Husband Takes Photos at the Pumpkin Patch Random Handprints

#2 - 8 Signs Your Husband Annoys You Around The House Toulouse and Tonic

#3 - Why Brazilian Waxing Is Not For Me Cloudy with a Chance of Whine

#4 - Last-Minute Halloween Costume Ideas The Mom of the Year

#5 - Mom is stuck in the Mammogram Machine Binkies and Briefcases

Were You one of Kate's Favorite?

Kate from Can I Get Another Bottle of Whine...With My Morning Quiet Times chose her favorite posts from last week's party.
Can I Get Another Bottle of Whine With My Morning Quiet Time?

Click here to see if you were one of her favorites!


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