A little background: After buying my sons countless Pez Candy Dispensers adorned with the heads of Thomas, Anakin, Phineas, Donald Duck and others, I thought of the Prez Candy Dispensers around Labor Day of last year. Sales have been so strong that I have been able to buy loads of toothpicks and Andes mints. (Okay, fine, I got those for free at the local Chinese restaurant.)
Now, I am fully prepared to be sued over this one by Pez. What do you think I have $50 earmarked for in my Savings Account? The legal battle, of course!
I have to tell you before I introduce the Prez Dispensers in stock at the moment that the Romney people are just itching to get his Prez Dispenser up and running. My receptionist repeatedly tells them, “But, he’s not President and has never been President and, therefore, cannot have a Prez Dispenser. It’s as simple as that!” and by “receptionist”, I mean me. Remember what I said about low sales?
Anyway, they won’t listen.
So, we are making a few of those, too. We figure, if Mitt does win, we can sell them for $50 each as soon as we get the news and then live the rest of our lives in Antigua building sand castles. (Where is Antigua again?)
PREZ Grover was the leader of the “Bourbon Democrats”, so all of his candies will taste like bourbon, of course. Must be 21 to order this particular Prez Dispenser or be able to make really, really, super awesome balloon animals. (I’m a sucker for really cool balloon animals.)
PREZ Obama will come with green candies to represent all the money he spends, but, to be honest, so will Mitt Romney’s future dispenser, if that time should come. Mitt’s will also come with 10 extra packs of green candies to represent the money in his personal account.
PREZ Nixon will come with silver candies to represent his jail cell due to the unfortunate Watergate incident. His candy dispenser will also double as a very small water gun for an extra reminder.
PREZ Lincoln will come equipped with an assortment of candies to represent all of the slaves he helped to free after the Civil War. His dispenser will also be free to go along with the theme.
PREZ Taft was the largest President ever, so he will come equipped with 20 packs of candies (the others only come with 1).
PREZ Reagan’s candies will all be red to represent his fight against Communism and the Cold War.
PREZ Dubya’s will will be full of barbecue flavored candies AND will continuously quote, “There’s an old saying in Tennessee — I know it’s in Texas, probably in Tennessee — that says, fool me once, shame on — shame on you. Fool me — you can’t get fooled again.” (My favorite quote EVER! I wish I could get a recording of it on a locket to wear around my neck!)
PREZ Washington will come equipped with only cherry flavored candies to represent that cherry tree he claimed to have not chopped down. We’ll never know for sure!
PREZ Carter will not come with any candies at all because this very, very, very, very peaceful man would have given all of his away. (Alternate: white candies to represent his teeth.)
Listen, folks, I could go on. And on and on and on. It’s what I do. (PREZ Ford, but his candy dispenser would have been broken because he was a clumsy president who was always tripping or something. Somebody make me quit typing!) I’ll stop here, though, as I need to get back to my gigantic warehouse. And Swedish meatballs. I just hope I have convinced you to buy as many as you can (800 each) before Pez arrests me and I have to stop production!!!
Most Clicked Links from Last Week
#1 – Why Moms Don’t Exercise: The Multi-tasking Muffintop Conundrum Paige Kellerman
#2 – How to be a PERFECT Mother Katy in a Corner
#3 – Pooping Your Pants: The Adult Years The Mom of the Year
#4 – Top 10 Ways to Get Your Hubs to Leave Work on Time Toulouse and Tonic
#5 – 10 Reasons I Can Never Be President I’ve Got To Get This Off My Chest…!