And not like this:
I’t’s not the gold fingers business she’s got working on her hand that I like or the lobster hat I dislike (but, yeah, um…), IT’S THE HAIR.
I so love it.
She looks BEAUTIFUL as a brunette, right? I realize she’s got some red overtones working there, but…she’s closer to a brunette than to a blonde. And I like it. Maybe that is because SHE IS A BRUNETTE. Ever since I saw her on YouTube as Stephanie Germanotta, I have wondered why she just couldn’t stay that way. After all, she was BORN THAT WAY.
Miss Thang was born a brunette with absolutely amazing vocal talent, but then she became a meat dress wearing blonde with absolutely amazing vocal talent. Listen to her sing without becoming distracted by a huge bubble on her head or fake lobster perched in her bangs or something.
She’s still as talented as she was then, of course, she was just, um, less distracting.
Maybe you like distracting. Maybe you are going to take issue with me calling “Lady Gaga” out for wearing a large silver lobster in her hair.
Back to the blonde business.
I read once that she became blonde to set herself apart from Amy Winehouse. Apparently, people used to confuse the two artists. That shouldn’t happen anymore. Somewhere along the way, she changed her hair color and decided to wear feathers all around her face.
There is nothing wrong with bird nests on your face or with the hair color blonde, of course. My oldest son is blonde. My husband is blonde. The lady that checked me out at Walgreens the other day was blonde and she was super nice. Blonde is great, but I sometimes get a little testy when the Brunette Team loses one to the Blondes. I mean, total brunette. Mousy brown (can there be a more awful name for a hair color besides “dish water blonde”?) totally gets a free pass for becoming a blonde. But, if you are an outright brunette that becomes a blonde, much like Ms. Germanotta here, I take issue. WE NEED YOU ON THE BRUNETTE TEAM! Why have you switched sides????
Why does everything need to be all about the blondes? Blonde, blonde, blonde. Blondes have more fun. Blonde-dike bars. James Blonde. Mini-blondes. Blonde, blonde, blonde…
If you are a total brunette and turn into a total blonde for, like, ever, I will wonder why you are no longer batting with the brunette team. I will write you many letters and then destroy them out of nervousness asking you why you left the Brunettes to join the Blondes. I will review speeches in front of mirrors to recite to you should we happen to meet on the street. Expect me to break down and barely succeed in getting out through my relentless tears, “What…is…wrong…with…brown? We…do…have….fun. See? I’m…***extra long sobbing spell***…having…fun….right…now…”
Shortly after that, I will produce the two wrinkled and crumpled pictures of Stephanie Gaga, I mean, Lady Germanotta, no, no, no, no, no…oh, you know what I mean, from my pocket and ask which look was your favorite. Try your best to ignore my repeated shoving of the brunette picture in your face and please answer honestly.
Most Clicked Links from Last Week
#1 – What NOT to Send to Kindergarten with Child Take 10 with Tricia
#2 – Hyperthetcially Speaking Abby Has Issues
#3 – Preschool Changed My Life The Mom of the Year
#4 – Dear Naked Barbie Laying In My Hallway Can I Get Another Bottle of Wine with My Morning Quiet Time?
#5 – Is That A Panty Liner On Your Face? HouseTalkN