The very serious problem with the spork

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The first spork was invented back in 1874 and the word “spork” was coined in 1909. It was also referred to as an ice cream fork, but we all know it’s real name. Here is a picture of one circa 1903:

A REAL spork.
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That’s one fancy spork.

At that time, there was fair representation of the spoon and the fork in that utensil. That is because the original Silver Spoon and Silver Fork got together and made a well-balanced Silver Spork. Silver Spoon and Silver Fork had access to the best of everything and, therefore, made perfect, perfect children. They actually had many children together that looked as handsome as the one you see above.

But, genetic mutations snuck into the mix from poorly behaving Silver Spoons and Silver Forks, as often happens in society, making “sporks” like this one:

That’s a spoon with eyelashes, folks!!

To increase the problem, Plastic Spoon and Plastic Fork started to have eyes for each other and, before you knew it, the Plastic Spork was born. This love story was really hard to avoid as the Plastic Spoon and Plastic Fork spent A LOT of time with each other in very, very close proximity.

(Word on the street is that Plastic Knife tried to make a move on Plastic Spoon, but she didn’t like his back-stabbing ways. Besides, Plastic Fork always complimented her curves and she appreciated his strong, aggressive, go-for-it nature.)

As a result of this love affair, many Plastic Sporks were born. And, guess what? They looked like spoons with spiked hair! See what I mean?

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THOSE AREN’T SPORKS!

The word “spork” implies that it is half spoon and half fork. THESE LITTLE MUTANTS ARE MORE SPOON THAN FORK. CANT YOU SEE IT WITH YOUR OWN TWO EYES?

Shall I graph it out for you?

piZap.com free online photo editor, fun photo effects
Source for spork picture (the percentages are mine, folks)

This wouldn’t be an issue, really, except that the “sporks” have asked me to represent them in a court of law. Although I’m no lawyer, they feel they may get some fair representation here in the Break Room and decided to try to win the public’s opinion here first. They are sick and tired of having a name that really doesn’t represent them correctly. You wouldn’t want someone calling you Morris if your name was really Sir Billiam Bigglesworth III, now would you?

But, they’re at a loss of what to call themselves next. They knew the readers of this blog were super smart and wanted to ask you all what their new name should be. “SPORK” AIN’T GONNA CUT IT ANYMORE, FOLKS. Spoon should get more credit than he/she hasn’t gotten thus far.

So, I present to you the choices:

SPOOK
 
FPOON
 
SPOONK

Don’t answer for me. Answer for the “spork”. It’s the right thing to do.

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