If you have been around this blog or my Twitter page or my blog's Facebook page, you know we're moving. I am typing this right now on an old laptop I was able to find and am sitting on a mattress on the floor in my room with suitcases all around me. We are still in our old house and have not found the new one. And school starts in less than 2 weeks. And I look like a yak's armpit.
And my husband is outside still packing stuff into our "pod" and UHaul truck at 10:45 at night while I'm engaging in a little social media, which I have grossly neglected. Feeling a bit guilty, but only a bit because he slept in later than me this morning. (I have actually neglected social media so much recently that my Twitter followers are hitchhiking their way off my page as we speak.)
Right now my world is moving, finding a house, packing, figuring out how to load tape into a tape "gun", being torn between packing dishes or popping bubble wrap the entire day, telling my sons they can't ride their bikes all the livelong day and eating bad food because all of our dishes, pots and pans have been packed. That's my excuse for shoving several onion rings into my mouth less than 2 hours ago, anyway. So, since I'm sort of the moving expert at the moment, you'll take my word for it when I tell you about some things you don't want to find when you're moving, such as...
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| All of these have to be moved tomorrow. Most of the ones in this picture are Christmas decorations. Oopsy-daisies. |
...a constable walking up your driveway because your 4-year-old and 7-year-old sons called 911. Not long ago, I showed them on my Pottery Barn rotary phone how to call 911. I did this on this phone because there was no need to push "talk" or "power" or anything fancy. So, they decided to try it out. It worked. My 4-year-old thought the constable was coming to arrest him for calling 911.
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| This is where it all went down. It's sort of a fake rotary phone that works. |
...yourself in the dark pod with a flashlight at 11:00 at night looking for the small black toolbox that you accidentally packed when your husband asked you to leave it out. You say that you did leave it out, but can't find it, so you go to look for it. You come back in the house a few times with gadgets that you are told aren't the right gadget, so you keep looking and finally find it on the floor of the pod hidden behind another box. Technically, it was left out because it wasn't in a box. Your husband said that doesn't count and that it wasn't left out enough. You tell him that you are going to find a big box and pack him in it if he keeps talking about that blasted toobox.
...a ridiculed piano crying in the corner feeling unloved and really, really, really heavy. You try to console it and let her know that she is too dadgum heavy but that you love her just like she is... You assure her that you will play her again one day, even though you average a piano song about 2 or 3 times a year. You tell her that maybe your sons will learn to play her and that they may become the next Justin Timberlake or Jamie Foxx on the piano. You tell her she will be a celebrity in the upright piano world. None of it matters because she overheard your husband say he wishes she would fall into a deep lake.
Yeah, you don't want to find those things, right? Especially that distraught piano. That's heavy stuff. The topic is heavy. I don't mean the piano is hea... Oh, hold on, y'all. She heard me and she's crying again.
(That piano needs some counseling.)
Before I run off and start shoving Tupperware and Rubbermaid (who, by the way, are threatening to beat the living plastic out of each other soon) into boxes, I wanted to tell you that Linda from It All Started With Paint is debuting my post "The Very Frisky Masseuse: Should I Press Charges? (Kidding. Sort of.)" over at her blog today. If you have not read it or have not visited Linda's blog before, you might want to do that! You can learn about masseusesseseseseses that get fresh while also being inspired by Linda's awesome decorating talents. I wish I could move to her house...
It's also "Finding the Funny" today, so link up your new or old humor posts! We would love to laugh at your stuff! I promise that I will be back to reading the posts and leaving comments as soon as I move out of this house! I seriously miss your faces.
Most Clicked Links from Last Week
#1 - I Almost Crapped My Pants in an Elevator. Twice. Let Me Start By Saying...#2 - Hillbilly Hygiene: Commonplace Crazy Commonplace Crazy
#3 - This blog is so awesome it farts unicorns Wub Boo Mommy
#4 - Stuff People Say To New Moms Stroller Parking Only
#5 - Birthday Bargain Just Keep Swimming
23 comments:
Although not nearly as bad as having to move, I have been spending the summer going through all our boxes in the basement. Setting aside the stuff to get rid of and putting the rest into new boxes.
The plan was to really clear up some room down there but somehow I ended up with more boxes of stuff than I had started with. Life is cruel.
I love moving! It's the only time my house gets clean!
For once, I do NOT envy you or your situation. However, I have no doubt that you'll get at least a few side-splitting posts out of this ordeal, so I'm selfishly looking forward to that.
Hang in there, my homeless homegirl!
So here's the good thing--at least we all know rotary phones still work for dialing 911 (thanks, Kelley's kids). And moving is always a good excuse for onion rings, I think ;) Give the piano a hug for me and hope everything goes as smoothly as possible!
The tool box - that is TOO funny! It's so something I'd do.
I can't believe your kids called 911. At least you know the'll be able to handle themselves in an emergency. That said, oops!
(PS... this is Steph from what was The Healthy Mom. I changed my name, so you may not recognize it at first.)
moving is tough! just like everything else in life, it sounds good on paper...until you go to do it.
and after you've moved in...then you gotta get used to your new place.
you're in my prayers! :)
I can't believe Linda at ItAllStartedWithPaint didn't turn me on to you sooner. And I feel like I should say all that in a very wong voice.
~Bliss~
Sorry, I don't envy you, either. I don't want to move again for at least a decade. I hope everything goes as smoothly as possible! Thanks for hosting this link!
Good luck with the move. And I'm with you. The tool was left OUT.
Moving is the wooooorst! A few years ago, my husband and I moved twice in a period of 6 months. Once to our new home across the country, and the second time from the rental in our new city to a house we bought. The move within the same city seemed like nothing after the cross country move. We moved our dishes by taking the bottom rack out of our dishwasher, filling it with dishes, and putting it in the back seat of the car. Worked perfectly and nothing even got chipped!
The last time we moved we got rid of boxes and boxes of stuff. Now, five years later, every drawer and cupboard is filled. Where does all this stuff come from?
I TOTALLY feel your pain! We moved two years ago, two years before that, and there is a good chance we will be moving again soon (no--we aren't wanted for murder and are not in the Witness Protection program (though if we were, I don't suppose I would announce it over the internet) and it is maddening! As for the rotary phone, we have a similar one and my son called 911 when he was like two. We didn't know because we were having one of few REALLY bad fights with yelling and embarrassing accusations being thrown around all for the 911 operator to hear and record. We discovered that he did this only after the firemen and police rang our bell and had to check things out just to make sure everyone was okay. Most. Mortifying. Day. Ever.
I hope your moving adventure wraps up soon! I still say yuor frisky masseuse piece is THE funniest I have ever read. It still makes me laugh when I think about it, and made me break out in hee haws when I had a massage recently at a swanky spa. They just thought I was weird-
Oh. You. Poor. Thing. My SIL and BIL are moving and they spent a week without an address due to one closing being delayed. They currently are living in a rental for 3 weeks, living out of their cars with their PODS in storage. I am vicariously feeling your pain.
But on an OMG note, I have that exact phone! It's our in-case-the-power-goes-out-and-the-cell-phones-die phone. Ellen
Poor piano! And poor you! Moving sucks balls. Hope you can get all settled quickly!
I just have to tell you I read your massage story - oh my word - i was laughing so hard....I left a comment on Linda's blog but didn't know if you were reading them all so here it is, another laugh!
"AHHHHH! that was the BEST! Sadly, I can relate - I've had one or two massages like that. Once while in Porto Rico at a well known resort I signed up for a "FREE" massage (hey, I write a frugal decor blog, can't pass up a FREE massage!) It was out in the open on the properties beach with people lounging around. I came in my full tankini swimsuit (I wish I could say a bikini but not on this 4 children body)and the dreamy Porto Rician masseuse looks at me and said in his best Spanglish, Noah Clothesa. Right there....WHAT??? HOW???? He held up the white massage covering that was on the table as "privacy" and somehow I managed to get off my swimsuit (the tankini swim wear that I had to pull over my head was the worst!)......getting back onto the table was also tricky and I am SURE I flashed all the passerbuyers. Yep, boobies were shown for sure. At the end, I did pay for my wonderful free massage......just not in money.....it was worth it though:-)"
Best wishes with the move.
Don't give up on the piano. When my parents were getting rid of theirs I got it. I don't play. But I remember picking out songs and playing on it as a child. It fed my love of music and I wanted my kids to have that opportunity. They each play a little, but one of them is quite a talented pianist. Completely self-taught just playing around on the piano. Good luck moving it, though. They are heavy!
thanks for sharing.
Your poor piano. And poor you. Sheesh!
Man I miss you...I'm such a shitty bloggy friend. The worst part is that I think of you when I see your hilarious tweets and FB status updates, I'm just too damn lazy to click on over here, because I'm currently a sloth. As for the piano, I've eaten an awful lot of ice cream this summer, so I think her and I qualify for a discount in "fat" therapy.
I could not imagine packing up my house ... and I can assure you we would find much scarier things behind the stove and in the basement ...
Thanks again for the hysterical guest post and the shout out and for visiting the comments thread (that is a sign of a true blogger of substance in my book!).
:)
Linda
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