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| Honey Boo Boo Child with her mother. Source |
#1 Have everyone call you "Honey Boo Boo Child". Obviously. If that is too much of a stretch, put your name in the place of "Honey". You can be a Misty Boo Boo Child or a Kelly Boo Boo Child or an Agatha Boo Boo Child even. Shoot, if you are being like Honey Boo Boo Child, you can do whatever you want. Honey Boo Boo Child runs the show.
#2 Have your family wear your name on a t-shirt. This works best if you have converted them and they are now calling you Stacy Boo Boo Child or Jennifer Boo Boo Child or Bernice Boo Boo Child. It looks more legit, you know? If they're being difficult and won't call you what you have explicitly asked them to call you, then just have your boring name placed on a t-shirt. Make sure there is an exclamation point at the end, though.
#3 Eat Cheetos or pork skins for breakfast. To be most like Honey Boo Boo Child or her family, eat them after they have fallen on a dirty carpeted floor. Also, have someone nearby you say "You know yew goan pick every one of them up!" after they have dropped to the floor. This will make you feel like you are really at Honey Boo Boo's house.
#4 Walk around saying "A dollar makes me holler, honey boo boo". Even though Honey Boo Boo Child has been on Anderson Cooper's show and everywhere else, people may not know what you are talking about. It really doesn't matter. What is important here is that you are trying to be like Honey Boo Boo and, if people don't like it, they can kiss your grits.
#5 Make "go-go juice" at all of your parties, showers and school functions. The recipe is 1 part Red Bull to 1 part Mountain Dew. If you must, put it in a cute punch bowl, but know that Honey Boo Boo Child would never bother with that mess. She chugs it straight from a bottle and, if it's good enough for the REAL Honey Boo Boo Child, it should be good enough for you and all of your friends.
#6 Have your mom start cutting coupons. Lots and lots of coupons. Ask her to store up tons of paper towels so that you can come over for a friendly paper towel package fight. Also, when you are over there, ask her to wash her hair in the sink. If she looks at you like you are crazy, start crying like Honey Boo Boo Child does when she doesn't win a crown, which is, like, every time she competes. Poor boo boo. :(
#7 Pretend your muffin top is actually a large mouth. The next time you are at a PTA meeting or talking to your boss, lift up your shirt, bunch your fat together with your hands and then jiggle it around it around like it is talking. If you don't have enough fat to do that with, use a friend's. Also, be sure to use an extra deep voice when your muffin top has got something to say. This is AN ABSOLUTE MUST if you are trying to be like Honey Boo Boo herself. Go big or go home, people.
Can you think of other ways we can be more like Honey Boo Boo Child?
21 comments:
Oh.my.gosh. Hilarious!
I swore I wouldn't watch the show....you know, the whole "trash tv" thing. But, it's like a magnetic train wreck! I can't keep my eyes off of them. And their talking bellies. Although, after I'm done being a total voyer...I long to call CPS. :/
I don't now anything about this, but the picture is scary.
I think Angel Boo Boo Child would work rather well. My (normally a fan of Toddlers and Tiaras) sat next to me and just gaped for the whole episode.
This is hilarious!
Grooooooaaaaannnnnn. And people think we are like this in the South.
OMG! I laughed so hard reading this!! You are a panic. I have seen Toddlers and Tiaras a few times, and when I happen to hit the show when I'm flicking through channels, it's like seeing a car accident. I can't turn away. Thanks for making my day!
Holy moley. I heard something about this the other day but didn't know the whole story. I've watched Toddlers and Tiaras before, but I can never turn it off b/c I can't believe what I'm seeing so I try not to watch it.
Particularly like the pork rinds for breakfast that fell on the floor although I pictured it falling on a stained, 20-year-old, cheap motel room carpet. Yum.
I'm not familiar with Honey Boo Boo, but is that a picture of Chucky, the evil doll from those Chucky horror movies, done up in a dress?
I have never watched this show, but after reading this list, I'm tempted...just for the laughs of course!
LOL...I've never actually watched this child, but now I think I must see this phenomena for myself. Also, Mountain Dew and Red Bull sound great together...it has to be because I'm pregnant...I hope.
Would you believe I downloaded Netflix on my new phone FOR THE EXPRESS PURPOSE of watching this particular train wreck on my lunch at work? True story. I just haven't gotten to the Honey Boo Boo episodes yet.
Related: I have no life.
I really just can't help watching things like this. I get in big trouble with k-ster so I have to do it on the sly. Which makes it all that much more thrilling..... This girl is way too over the top though.
That is photo is like something out of my nightmares. "If you don't have enough fat, use a friend's." Hahaha! I can't wait to start employing all your tips and get my own reality show.
How did I know this was from Toddler and Tiaras if I've never watched the show??? They are altering my mind with the commercials alone. AHHH! Ellen
First post I read over here and now I'm gonna have nightmares.
~Bliss~
Bet we can get a discount if we order shirts for our families together. Man, my new name sure if gonna be a mouthful ...
This shiz is hilarious!!! As is the show!
@OldDogNewTits
"OldDogNewTitsBooBooChild" Yep! That would look amazing on a t-shirt! :D
I think Honey Boo Boo is a cute little kid - she's funny and full of self confidence. Her family is just a tiny bit Redneckish and uncouth and may be lacking in social graces and manners as well as in other areas but they do seem to love and enjoy each others company. Are they the Perfect All American Family? Good Lord! I hope not! I think this show is so popular because people look at it and say to themselves "well at least we're not that bad!"
I forgot to say --- I think the political candidates should conduct the next debate using # 8.
Everybody in the world would watch & no one would be bored.
Now I know exactly what I need to do when my students aren't listening: whip my shirt up and start making my belly button talk!! I knew there was a secret way to make them pay attention!!
I have to confess I do sometimes watch that show because it is just fascinating. The rest of her family is hopeless, as far as I'm concerned, but if you watch her, sometimes there is a spark of a very normal 6 year old girl who really does just want to be pretty and win prizes. Most of the time she puts on a huge act, but there are those rare occasions when she is full of wonder and awe about something , or she's just playing like a kid should. That mother though.....
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