|Honey Boo Boo Child with her mother. Source|
#1 Have everyone call you “Honey Boo Boo Child”. Obviously. If that is too much of a stretch, put your name in the place of “Honey”. You can be a Misty Boo Boo Child or a Kelly Boo Boo Child or an Agatha Boo Boo Child even. Shoot, if you are being like Honey Boo Boo Child, you can do whatever you want. Honey Boo Boo Child runs the show.
#2 Have your family wear your name on a t-shirt. This works best if you have converted them and they are now calling you Stacy Boo Boo Child or Jennifer Boo Boo Child or Bernice Boo Boo Child. It looks more legit, you know? If they’re being difficult and won’t call you what you have explicitly asked them to call you, then just have your boring name placed on a t-shirt. Make sure there is an exclamation point at the end, though.
#3 Eat Cheetos or pork skins for breakfast. To be most like Honey Boo Boo Child or her family, eat them after they have fallen on a dirty carpeted floor. Also, have someone nearby you say “You know yew goan pick every one of them up!” after they have dropped to the floor. This will make you feel like you are really at Honey Boo Boo’s house.
#4 Walk around saying “A dollar makes me holler, honey boo boo”. Even though Honey Boo Boo Child has been on Anderson Cooper’s show and everywhere else, people may not know what you are talking about. It really doesn’t matter. What is important here is that you are trying to be like Honey Boo Boo and, if people don’t like it, they can kiss your grits.
#5 Make “go-go juice” at all of your parties, showers and school functions. The recipe is 1 part Red Bull to 1 part Mountain Dew. If you must, put it in a cute punch bowl, but know that Honey Boo Boo Child would never bother with that mess. She chugs it straight from a bottle and, if it’s good enough for the REAL Honey Boo Boo Child, it should be good enough for you and all of your friends.
#6 Have your mom start cutting coupons. Lots and lots of coupons. Ask her to store up tons of paper towels so that you can come over for a friendly paper towel package fight. Also, when you are over there, ask her to wash her hair in the sink. If she looks at you like you are crazy, start crying like Honey Boo Boo Child does when she doesn’t win a crown, which is, like, every time she competes. Poor boo boo. 🙁
#7 Pretend your muffin top is actually a large mouth. The next time you are at a PTA meeting or talking to your boss, lift up your shirt, bunch your fat together with your hands and then jiggle it around it around like it is talking. If you don’t have enough fat to do that with, use a friend’s. Also, be sure to use an extra deep voice when your muffin top has got something to say. This is AN ABSOLUTE MUST if you are trying to be like Honey Boo Boo herself. Go big or go home, people.