What kind of person are YOU in a rainy parking lot?

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It has been raining A LOT in the Houston area lately. Over 16 inches of rain fell last week. This has been pretty bad for many, many people.  And their houses.

And their horses.

See?

“Neigh! I didn’t neigh there was a river anywhere neigh by. Why have
you neigh-ver taken me here before?! You know I love rivers!
I’m neigh-ver talking to you again! Neigh-neigh-neigh-ver!”
Source
This is the kind of stuff you expect from Texas, right?
All of this rain has left me with plenty of opportunities to watch people in rainy parking lots. Most of the time, my favorite game while sitting in a parking lot is  playing the “What does that person do for a living?” game, but lately it has been just watching people trying to get to their cars while kamikaze rain pellets fall on their heads.
And labeling them. (The people, not the rain pellets.)
Which one of these titles fits the way you act in a rainy parking lot, if you aren’t toting young children with you? If you are pushing a stroller, well, that’s a whole ‘nother story. If you always have an umbrella for yourself and  your eight family members stowed away in a compartment of your purse, well, you probably won’t identify with any of these people. Why are you trying to make me look bad?
THE SHERLOCK HOLMES

The alternate title for this type of rain runner is “The Sleuth”. You see, this guy or girl takes extra wide, TIP-TOED steps. The tippy-toe walk is meant to preserve their shoes, apparently, and keep them from totally sloshing through rain puddles like a barbarian. Sherlock’s legs and tip-toes prance forward while the rest of his body follows seconds later. Sherlocks probably think they’re covering a lot more ground than the rest of us in a dignfied manner and are better than us all. If you must know, I noticed my husband was a Sherlock today.

THE GENTLEMAN

Although you may not notice it, The Gentleman has an invisible pipe in his right hand. When you aren’t looking, he puffs on it like he’s Rhett Butler or something. Women can also be “The Gentleman” in the rain, but they typically have long, invisible, skinny cigarettes. The Gentleman is in NO RUSH to make it through the rain and cares not that his or her head is being pelted by a gazillion kamikaze rain drops. He WILL NOT be made to look like a fool just because a tsunami is closing in around him. (This particular character was named after Wendi Aarons, who has declared herself a gentleman earlier today in response to a rain-runner tweet I wrote.)

THE FORREST GUMP

I spotted The Forrest Gump in a parking lot just today during a rainstorm. Just the thought of it makes me laugh out loud and it’s been hours ago since I saw the dude. Think back to a heavily bearded Forrest running like the wind. Now imagine him running like that through a rainy parking lot, but even faster than he was running in the movie. The Forrest Gump wants to make it to his car in record time and he will hurdle over puddles, or maybe even shopping carts, like a dingdang Olympian to get there. He wants you to notice his speed, too. He wants you to be impressed.

THE PAPER HEAD

The Paper Head always curses herself over forgetting her umbrella. (Most Paper Heads are women.) She is always thankful when she can find a newspaper or store ads to place just so over her mop. Back in the ’80s, there were Paper Heads EVERYWHERE, as the risk of damaging one’s Aqua Net-infused bangs were just too great without the presence of that paper. Paper Heads always feel REALLY dumb for running around with an 8 x 11 shield over their heads and usually fall into the driver’s seat looking like an elephant sprayed them with her trunk.

THE HOT MESS

The Hot Mess doesn’t want to run too fast (she’s afraid she’ll fall), doesn’t want to hold paper over head (and she couldn’t find any anyway), refuses to tip-toe like a stinking detective (please!) and will not just stroll through the rain like the oblivious gentleman. No, what The Hot Mess does is run SHRIEKING through the parking lot and will sometimes flutter her arms like a newborn bird.  Once inside her dry car, she will continue to shriek a little and will frantically look around for a towel, which she will not find. After a few minutes, she’ll post something on Facebook about the awful rain.

Are you on this list anywhere?

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