Unsolved Mysteries: The Sesame Street Edition (And "Finding the Funny" #18!)

Unsolved Mysteries. Man, I loved that show. It started in 1987 and I was glued to the TV every time this dude came on the air. He had just had a way about him that made me want to don a brown trench coat and act really, really serious.

Robert Stack was the man. Source

He never covered Sesame Street, though, which is unfortunate.

Let's talk about Sesame Street for a minute before we jump right into the unsolved mysteries, shall we?

Sometimes I feel guilty that my kids don't watch Sesame Street. It has been around since the late 60's, has stood the test of time and, yet, it's not good enough for my kids or something. What's my problem? What does Caillou or Franklin or Little Bear or Dog the Bounty Hunter or Cops or The First 48 have that Big Bird doesn't?

I can't answer that without completely breaking down in raging guilty tears, but I can tell you that an episode of Sesame Street lasts a looooooong stinkin' time. Your kids can be born, get potty-trained, learn to speak Mandarin and use sign language to read War and Peace "out loud" from cover to cover all in one episode of Sesame Street.

I hope Sesame Street doesn't think my observations about their never-ending show, my disgust regarding Cookie Monster's seemingly inability to EAT WITH HIS MOUTH CLOSED and my annoyance over Elmo's super irritating voice means I don't love them.

I do.

I think about them all the time.

In fact, memories of Sesame  Street have flooded my mind many times over the years. I suppose I hit SS the hardest from 1978-1982ish. I was born in 1975, so those days spent watching Snuffleupagus move like a sloth on antidepressants and Bert never getting out of his bad mood unless a pigeon flew by were from the about ages of 3 to 7 and that one time in 6th grade when I stayed home from school and was totally using Sesame Street while waiting for Inspector Gadget to come on TV.

I guess I kind have a thing for detectives and mysteries.

Seriously, though, I so wish Robert Stack from Unsolved Mysteries would have covered Sesame Street just once to investigate...

...that painting guy.

I. Loved. This. Dude. Where did he go, though? He painted until number 11 and POOF! he was gone. This painting dude in the hat starred in these little segments that were filmed in 1972. I loved how he saw an opportunity everywhere to paint his awesome numbers. What I loved even more is that he could paint them so smoothly. I envied his brush strokes. I envied his ability to paint the number 8 right on top of a bald man's head and get away with it in the end. I WANTED TO PAINT ON A BALD GUY'S HEAD AND NEVER, EVER COULD. (My neighbor was bald.) Why didn't you keep painting, man?

...Oscar's very deep trash can and missing legs.


Just ONCE you'd think that Oscar could climb his dirty green butt out of his trash can and show us his stinkin' legs. Was Oscar injured during The Battle of Sesame Street or what? Was he a double amputee or something? What in the heck? Also, I felt completely insulted that he claimed his trash can housed a farm, swimming pool, ice-rink, bowling alley, and a piano over the years. SWIMMING POOLS DON'T FIT IN TRASH CANS, OSCAR. We may not have known how to control our bladder during the night, but we knew that!

...Dave Ward's ancestry.

Dave Ward has been a news anchor on Channel 13 in Houston ever since 1968. He is still a news anchor. The man can read a teleprompter, y'all.

I know he wasn't actually on Sesame Street, but he might as well have been! I thought of him every single time I saw a certain character on Sesame Street and now think of that Sesame Street character when I see Dave Ward. Were they related? Perhaps this character was made to look like him? Perhaps Dave Ward's mother had an affair with this Sesame Street puppet? Huh? It's possible!

Can you guess who that character might be? Take a gooood looooong look at Dave Ward. Think of those characters... Big Bird? Elmo? Cookie Monster? Anyone else?

The Count, of course!


Please tell me you see the resemblance. If you need more time to think it over, print both pictures out and mull over them a while. Maybe tuck them on the visor of your car so you can reference it as you drive around town. Maybe on your refrigerator?

I am not kidding when I say that EVERY SINGLE TIME I see Dave Ward on the news, I think of The Count. Do you want me to tell you how many times that has been? I will! 1! 2! 3! 4! 5! 6! 7! 8! 9! 10! 11! Okay, I'll stop. You get my drift. Every. Time. If you say you don't see the resemblance, I will feel like I have wasted almost my entire life and will break down in raging tears again. The tears are mostly because I bet I'm sad that Dave Ward may have never known his real purple father.

Just tell me the truth.

See it?

(Don't tell me the truth if you don't see it.)


And now...

Did you write something funny and not tell us about it? Why would you do a thing like that?  Link that mess up. (Pretty please?)

Most Clicked Links from Last Week

#1 - Yay! My First Hate Mail Here at ODNT! ODNT
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#5 TIE - Easy as 1 Abby Has Issues
#5 TIE - Honest Mom's 2yo terrifies Jet Blue passengers Honest Mom
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Wub Boo Mummy said... [Reply]

I see it. Uncanny resemblance.

Michelle Hanway said... [Reply]

i totally forgot about Mad Painter! For me, it's the pinball 1-12 song, 1-10 in Spanish (we live in Canada, learning spanish in the 70s was COOL) and the aliens. Brrrrrrrrrrring! Phone. Ahhh, the memories.

And yes, I can see the resemblance a bit.

Abby said... [Reply]

I grew up with Sesame Street and loved it, minus one skit thing they did that showed a clown taking off and putting on his makeup. I still remember screaming at the top of my lungs every time it came on. Trauma.

Then there was the time I jumped off a swing to be "Super Grover" and landed directly on my tailbone and had to go to the ER.

Good lord. Why did I like Sesame Street? Anyway, I did. Fun post :)

vinobaby said... [Reply]

I miss Sesame Street. Now that my Kiddo is FAR to old for it (so he vehemently says) I miss the songs, the characters. It was all SO less annoying than The Wiggle, or Thomas, or Yo Gabba Gabba. I'll take S.S. anyday.

Kelly (with 1 E, because we were poor) Hightower said... [Reply]

I remember them counting and a guy holding a cake would fall. I never liked that.

Christian at Point Counter-Point Point Point said... [Reply]

That's funny, the post I planned on posting (and did) for finding the funny was the post we did this week about Cookie Monster.

Also, I had completely forgotten about that painting numbers guy and you totally nailed it on the head with him. I too so envied his ability to paint so elegantly and accurately. Especially on that bald guy.

Natalie said... [Reply]

Ha ha I do see it! And Sesame Street is a long show...my son loses interest by the time they hit the fairy part...and comes back for Elmo LOL!

Nika Corwin said... [Reply]

HILARIOUS! Can't...stop...laughing...! And I DO see it! I found you thanks to Overworked Supermom who brought me to the blog hop and I am SO GLAD to be here! Thanks for the laughs!

Meredith said... [Reply]

Awesome blast from the past with trip down SS--thanks ;) And co-confession coming through: my kids have no idea who Big Bird is. We never watch SS either--I think this is a definite fail for me as a parent...;)

Paige Kellerman said... [Reply]

If it makes you feel any better, my kids have grown out of SS at the ripe old age of two, and are now hooked on Curious George and Caillou... And while we're on the case of Robert Stack investigating SS, can we please have him look into why Caillou can't grow hair???

Motherhood on the Rocks said... [Reply]

Omgosh! I totally see it!

My daughter doesn't really like Sesame Street. I think because it's 200 THOUSAND HOURS long. :)

Rawknrobyn.blogspot.com said... [Reply]

I miss you, Kelley. Thanks for visiting. It gave me the nudge to hop over. Here's just one reason I miss you: "Snuffleupagus move like a sloth on antidepressants and Bert never getting out of his bad mood unless a pigeon flew by." I see you are as awesome as ever.

PS I don't know any kid who watches Sesame Street nowadays.


Saimi said... [Reply]

And they say, "It's good to be green." Why didn't they say that about 'The color purple'(besides making a movie.)

Dave Ward would be rather pleased knowing his father was a purple vampire sheesh, give the guy some closure!

Yvonne said... [Reply]

You are amazingly, hilarious! OMG!

I grew up watching Sesame Street and Zoom and Villa Allegre- do you remember those? bahahahaha! I've often wondered why Bob annd Maria were the only young adults that existed in Sesame Street town. Maybe Unsolved Mysteries should have done a report on that too! Dave Ward's make-up people need to chillax on the white powder they put on him before air time. I swear sometimes he's white as a ghost, literally! Oh I have another one for you, just what kind of anit-aging magic potion does Bob Allen use and where does he get it from??? Hmmm?

TV's Take said... [Reply]

I cannot do the sesame street thing either. It kinda makes me batty. I did break down and buy an elmo potty training vid but I had to draw the line after watching it 10x. Your news anchor compra is hilarious. Your mind should be studied by science for the ability to pull together comletely random stuff and make it funny!

Craziness abounds said... [Reply]

I feel your life has been validated today.. I see the resemblance and I'm mostly blind. I got your back on this one. However next time you count like the Count you have to at the ha ha ha's in between the numbers. I'm so disappointed in you. hahahaha.

SoMo Mom said... [Reply]

Do you want to know how many times I laughed out loud in this post? 1! 2! 3! 4! ... and so on! Love it! So funny cuz I just wrote something yesterday that I'm posting in a couple of days about medical mysteries & the series finale of HOUSE M.D. *boo hoo ... great minds think alike, my friend.

The Flying Chalupa said... [Reply]

I love this in-depth analysis of SS. I haven't thought about painting a number on that guy's head in FOREVER. And you're right, my toddler dismisses SS every time I suggest he watch it. Learning to count and read are so over-rated.

julie gardner said... [Reply]

Oh Lordy.

My daughter was Elmo-obsessed. Every morning she'd climb into my bed and watch while I got ready for school.

I have fond memories of Elmo's voice shrieking "Mr. Noodle!" on the daily.

Well. Maybe not so much fond. More like tolerable. Or mildly traumatized.

I can still hear it.

Elmo's voice reading War and Peace. In Mandarin.

(At least that's how it sounded to me.)

LOVE MELISSA:) said... [Reply]

Haha I do see it! Sesame Street is a huge staple in my house. Funny post! Have a great weekend and feel free to link up to my Saturday laugh blog hop:)

Erin said... [Reply]

Did you have to Google the spelling of Snuffalaupufsdofusdfoiusdf? Because that one evades me every time.

robyn said... [Reply]

My husband is bald, and I like you so I'll ask him if you can paint an 8 on his head... Oooooh, sorry, he said no. But don't worry, he'll fall asleep soon. Come on over.

P.S. Oscar's garbage can was built by the same architect that built Snoopy's dog house.

Laura Strait Caligiuri said... [Reply]

The mad painter was played by Paul Benedict, who died in 2008. Didn't see this till today, looking for Dave Ward stories.

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