Please let me show you.
(Don’t judge my dirty grout. I’m trying to right my wrongs here, people.)
|*As in Linda Richman (Mike Meyers) on SNL getting “all verklempt”, or
choked up with joy and emotion, but you knew this already.
Once the tile is all bright and shiny, and I get my kids situated in the attic so they won’t mess up the house (I’ll put a box fan up there!), it won’t be long before the “For Sale” sign is in our front yard. This means we will need a new house, of course.
I’ve been scouring the internet for our perfect house for weeks and weeks. You can imagine my disappointment when I saw on The Coolist (picture source) that all of my favorite houses were owned by someone else already.
SOMEONE WITH FOUR LEGS.
Dogs, of course.
|“If these are cat pawprints I smell, you can bet I’m demanding an on-site security guard!”|
|“I’m not stepping paw into that house until you install a ceiling fan, too. You think I’m a dog or something?”
|“If I get Alpo again or a Pupperoni stick shoved in my face ONE MORE TIME, I will be demanding to switch houses with Mr. and Mrs. Too-Much-Money right away.”|
|“Bahk! Bahk! Tea and crumpets, anyone? Bahk! Bahk? OH, dear me, somebody please do join me. BAHK??”
|“You all act like you’ve never seen a dog sitting in their own glass house with a red framed door. LOSERS.”
These houses for dogs range from $5,000 to $30,000. Insanity.
It turns out fancy houses aren’t the only ways dogs are living it up. They also have pretty fancy beds, too.
Not too long ago, a very nice lady from The Uncommon Dog contacted me about giving one of her fancy dog beds to one of you. You know The Uncommon Dog is going to have a fancy bed to give away since they were featured in “O” magazine’s Big Deals Issue in August 2010! That’s as in ORPAH GAIL WINFREY. (Funny that her best friend’s name is Gail and that’s her middle name. And that her name is actually ORpah.) Now, you know the dogs in the pictures above in the fancy, fancy houses have a fancy dog bed, but…your dog can have one, too. If your dog happens to have one of those fancy, fancy houses, then you certainly need to get that dog a fancy, fancy bed!
|No surprise that Orpah was pimping fancy dog beds from The Uncommon Dog
in her magazine. Her dogs are definitely uncommon. I wish I could be Orpah’s dog.
Here it is…
A $99.99 dog bed.
That’s almost $100, y’all. For a dog bed.
Super cute, right? This is no ordinary dog bed. You won’t find it at PetSmart and certainly not at Wal-Mart, so don’t go try snooping around their dog bed aisles for one. It is the Bowsers Dutchie Bed and it is the St. Tropez Diamond Design made out of MicroVelvet. (Clue: If a dog bed mentions “St. Tropez”, diamonds and MICROVELVET, it’s fancy.) Even though it may look like it is not washable with those puffy bolsters, the cover is actually zippered and can be removed to put in your washing machine. This is also a SMALL dog bed (meant for dogs up to 35 pounds), so don’t go trying to stuff your Bull Mastiff inside it. He will bark at you.
Some dogs out there are really living the high life, amirite?
They’re probably working on a Sleep Number dog bed over at The Uncommon Dog right this very second. (The water bed design ended up being a total bust. Get it? Get it?) They’re just trying to figure out how to get a paw to operate the remote. Orpah’s dogs probably already have one because she can afford special remote operating lessons for them. Lucky little squirts.
By the way, if you don’t have a dog and can’t think of anyone that you’d like to win this for as a gift, enter to win anyway and use it as a pillow. Your precious little head can fit right in the middle.