This one. THIS. ONE.
Lately, my family has been very interested in the Alec Baldwin-narrated “Frozen Planet”, which I love watching, too. My husband also loves Whale Wars, but I prefer to call that Whale Snores. zzzzzzzzzzzz So. Boring. I DO like learning about sea life, however, so I bought my boys this book above. As I’m smiling and reading to them about fish, really odd sea life on the sea floor and NARWHALS (the tusk-bearing, unicorn-looking, whales), I suddenly am faced with something that I kept hidden from my mind for so long. Something that I knew deep down but chose to forget. Something I buried in my mind. Something I didn’t want to see AGAIN.
(Hold. You want a narwhal break, don’t you? Alright, STOP…narwhal time.)
Here’s the fact I didn’t want to face: Baleen whales have no teeth.
Oh, man. Give me a minute. Give me a dadgone stinkin’ minute to breathe deep inside this brown paper bag I have in my hands. Inhaaaaaaaaaaaaale. Exxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxhale. Inhaaaaaaaaa–
Oh, wow. Wow. Whoa.
So, soooooooooooooo gross.
Okay, let’s take a look at a NORMAL whale. The pretty whales they have at Sea World. The pretty KILLER whales they have at Sea World.
See their teeth? They’re gorgeous little white teeth? I mean, they can be mean, mean, mean gorgeous little white teeth that will tear us all to shreds, but, thank God above, they’re teeth.
May I show you the baleen whale now?
As much as I hate to do it, I feel this is the only way I can get through the reading of that book up there. My sons love that book. I must deal with this awful, awful truth.
Baleen whales have “baleen plates” that help them filter food from the water. The blue and Humpback whales are types of baleen whales.
That sweet girl is petting the baleen like it’s a soft bunny she just got for Easter. Like it’s a horse’s mane. Like it’s a golden retriever. Did that girl ever know she’s my hero? And everything I would like to be?
Okay. That’s it, friends. That’s all I can do today in the way of desensitizing myself. You can’t push someone to take on more than they can take in a day.
Can somebody pour me a nice TALL ice cold mug of Pepto Bismol now, please?
Is there any animal, or part of an animal, that makes you want to dry heave? Please help me feel normal here.