The Ugly Truth About Mascara Wands

What's the common theme here, class?

Anyone want to volunteer an answer?

Yes!  You sitting in front of the screen with the Internet on it!

Exactly!! All of the eyes look EXACTLY the same no matter which stinkin' mascara wand you use. (That's the ugly truth.)

Yet, we fall for it, don't we class?

Lash Blast
Lash Fanatic
Volume Blasting
SuperThick Lash
Photoread 3D Volume
Luscious Plumpin
Grow Luscious Plumping
Lash Fantasy Total Definition
Full 'n soft
Great Lash
Lash Discovery
Lash Stiletto
Volume Express

And this is just at Walgreens, people! 

The mascara wands are out of control! What in the heck is this?

It looks Gulliver stole a weapon from Lilliput, brought it back to the United States and sold it to Maybelline, Revlon, Covergirl, Neutrogena, MaxFactor, Estee Lauder, etc. Gulliver is RICH! First the book, then the movies and now the mascara. (Is Gulliver single?)  I have never used this mini-weapon on my eyelashes, but, I bet if I did, I'd feel really sophisticated. I'd probably feel like a make-up artist in New York. I'd probably hold my right pinky out as a did it and then plump my lips in the mirror afterwards as I surveyed my work. Then I'd say, "Huh. I look just like I did yesterday."

Seriously, though, there are alllllll of those descriptive words and alllllll of those weird looking brushes for lashes that just end up looking like this, no matter which one you use:

Don't think that my discovery stops me from buying tons of different kinds.

I'm always on the hunt for the "perfect" masara, even though my eyes will look the same at the end.

It's kind of like shopping for the perfect shower cleaner. I'm always on the hunt for that, too. All of these different brands and I'm still on my knees scrubbing like Cinderella.

You disagree with me about the mascara, don't you?

(How about the shower cleaner?)


gordon (LObuilder) said... [Reply]

I just can't go with this logic. That's like saying a hammer is a hammer. The nail may wind up in the same place but it the "driving" part that feels different. Don't get me started on paint brushes:)

Amanda @ It's Blogworthy said... [Reply]

I've fallen for it too! Mascara is one thing I don't mess with. I find some I like and I stay with it for life! Seriously! been using the same kind since high school with a move here and there because I fell for these tricks.

Kim Brison said... [Reply]

I am going to make my 15 yr old daughter read this...she is always falling for the adds and gets so mad when I come home with the cheap pink and green maybelline...honey...the 20 mascara works the same as good old maybeline...nothing can actually make your eyelashes longer...unless you are a Kardashian...LOL! Then money can buy you fake eyelashes.. hee hee hee

Jenni said... [Reply]

The shower cleaner I can help with! LOL
Mix 1 cup HOT vinegar (so it'll dissolve the soap...) with 1 cup of Dawn dish-washing soap in a spray bottle. Shake it all up really well. If you spray it and let it sit for about 15 minutes you can wipe everything off your tub/shower super easy! I've let it sit overnight and just gone in and rinsed! =-D

Alison@Mama Wants This said... [Reply]

What's mascara?

Someone who used to never leave the house without mascara and now, doesn't own any

Kimber Leszczuk. said... [Reply]

The wands all do seem to have similar effects. There are different colors of mascara though. Mostly now you just find brown and black but I LOVED the 80's when you could find a variety of wild crazy colors. They need to bring those back! Crazy colors for your lashes. THEN some of them might look different.

Kelly Sheehy said... [Reply]

Hee Hee: That's so true! :)

Paige Kellerman said... [Reply]

Hail to the pink and green Maybeline! I've been using the same kind since I started wearing makeup, and I'll probably never switch. I just have no complaints with the stuff. If you see the woman with the blackest black tarantula eyelids walking towards you, that's your's truly.

Kate said... [Reply]

This is the blog that keeps on giving! You make me laugh and then your comments give me a great recipe with which to clean my shower. #winning! :)

I'm a Maybelline girl, too; my only requirement is waterproof...can't have sweaty raccoon eyes messing up my race pictures or distracting from my fat rolls. ....wait....maybe I'm going about this all wrong!

Motherhood on the Rocks said... [Reply]

Bought a new mascara today actually - but no matter how many coats, my eyelashes are still tiny little things.

The Empress said... [Reply]

I've got 5 tubes upstairs, all less than a month old.

I'm a sucker for a good wand.

Crystal Pistol said... [Reply]

You are the queen of observaiton humor. I love it! I thought I was the only one that never had a different outcome regardless of the wand in question. Glad you've spoken out! The truth must be heard! :)

Annabelle Archer said... [Reply]

I do disagree to an extent.

The wand really can make a difference depending on the lashes you have. And using the right color can really make your eyes pop.

But there are way too many choices and it can be a real sophie's choice because there is no perfect combo.

Katie said... [Reply]

Mascara shopping gives me anxiety attacks, so I make my husband do it. I'm pretty sure his method is "find cheapest bottle of goop". I never get a good kind, but I'd rather have bad mascara then anxiety in my local walgreens.

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Comments make me feel like I'm not talking to the wall. Don't get me wrong. I love talking to walls. Some of my best friends are walls. Still, I like hearing from you, so thanks!

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