I'm not tight with my cleaners anymore. The cleaners I used to have, well...we were close. It's just not the same at the new place. I love it, though, because I can get in and out of there really quickly, but they lose my stuff and always ask the same questions, like "DO YOU WANT STARCH ON HIS SHIRTS?" and "DO YOU WANT TO PICK UP YOUR CLOTHES, TOO?" (my favorite question ever- I usually respond that if the clothes are having a good time and are behaving themselves, they can stay a little longer).
Knowing that we'll never have the relationship that I enjoyed at my old cleaners, I found myself gazing out of the window of my car as I sat in the drive-through the other day and began singing this song by Simply Red to them below...just with different lyrics. Tears streamed down my cheeks as I got to the really emotional parts and remembered by old cleaners lady. I caused quite a scene. Customers were plugging their ears while yelling, "MAKE HER STOP!!!" Since the cleaners people never had even heard of Simply Red or this song in their entire lives and since the cry baby customers were plugging their ears, the cleaners people all grabbed wire hangers and poked me with them until I decided to drive off.
It went a little something like this...
If you don't know me by now
you will never, ever, ever know me
oooooooooooooooo-oooooooooooo-ooo-oooo-ooooooo
All the things....
that've been cleaned by yoooou
you should understand me
after all, I'm paying you
you should know the difference
between me and Mr. Wong
I should be given nothing
that belongs in Mr. Wong's home.
Ooooohhhhh, don't get so excited!
When I say you didn't clean my clothes right.
How am I gonna tell the father of my children
How am I gonna tell the father of my children
that his nice work shirt is pink and not white. OH!
If you don't know me by now
(if you don't know me!)
(if you don't know me!)
You will never, ever, ever know me
oooooooooooooooo-oooooooooooo-ooo-oooo-ooooooo
We've all got
our own funny mooooooods
our own funny mooooooods
I've got mine
Mr. Cleaners, you've got yours, too.
Just listen to me...as I trust my clothes to you
as long as we've been doing business together
that should be so eeeeeaaaaasy to do.
THERE'S SOMETHING THAT YOU SHOULD REMEMBER
THERE'S SOMETHING THAT YOU SHOULD REMEMBER
or I might as well just say goodbye!!
I said no starch ANYWHERE!!!
How come you can't get that right? OH!
If you don't know me by now
You will never, ever, ever know me
oooooooooooooooo-oooooooooooo-ooo-oooo-ooooooo
(The end. You're welcome.)
Do you ever sing at your cleaners?
16 comments:
Great, now I have that song in my head!
And what is it with cleaners and losing people's clothes?
It's called karma, girl, karma! lol
I still have the same cleaners, although at times it's a love/hate relationship. Enjoyed your story!
Very creative remake of a song I had completely forgotten about! My husband will be contacting you angrily later, after he's heard me humming it for a few hours. :)
I have craftily avoided this problem by avoiding Dry Clean Only clothes my entire life. If I accidentally buy something that isn't washable, I just toss it in the laundry and it's survival of the fittest.
You should have AT LEAST given her the courtesy of an "It's not you, it's me". A lovely lady you're in a relationship with deserves that.
It's karma.
Please.
Do not start singing: "Karma, karma, karma, karma, Karma Chameleon."
(Hah! Got you back! Now, you'll be singing THAT one!)
I love your song remake!! I'm always changing the words to songs to fit my situation (never as clever as yours though)...the latest was "Daydream Believer", a song I actually knew well enough to come up with all kinds of silly stuff.
And your cleaner lady sounds fabulous and I'd have probably done exactly what you did, except I almost never take anything to the dry cleaner. Seriously, like not in the past 5 years.
To be fair, I always mistake you for Mr. Wong.
"you should know the difference / between me and Mr. Wong"
This post was hilarious!
Thanks for stopping by and reading about my daughter's crazy toothpaste antics. It was nice hearing from you.
You've go talent girl, I think you should go on the show America's got talent! You'd be a winner for sure!!
thanks for the laugh!!
You crack me up Kelley! Thanks for the chuckles.
You need to try out this year when Houston Has Talent auditions come around! Owen Conflenti from Channel 2 would crack UP over you, Kelley! You'd get all SORTS of publicity & support! Just THINK: You make it all the way to the end. You KNOW you have to pick a GREAT piece for the finale. EVERYTHING hinges on it. So, of COURSE, you sing your Laundry Song! And you WIN! Never MIND the GLORY! Never MIND the prize $$!!! Just let the reality - the wonderful realization of what the win REALLY means - sink in. Your laundry KNOWS you now. They will NEVER AGAIN confuse you with Mr. Wong. And you will be a laundry celeb. OMG! Dooooo - PLEASE - audition. If you're even remotely shy, not to worry. I'll go with you. I can sing MY song (to the tune of My Favorite Things): Sticking Grass Blowers Way Up Their Behinds. C'mon, Girly! IT'LL BE FUN! You KNOW you want to!
Ha ha! This is what I needed to read on my Saturday morning!
hahahaha... love your song!
Want to solve your problem... just don't go the cleaners! I promise you, MOST of your clothes will fair just find at delicate.
Bear in mind that I said MOST. I don't want to be held responsible for any ruined garments.
Thanks for sticking this song in my head. I really appreciate it. Really. lol
I don't understand why you don't record these wonderful songs and let us enjoy the video performance!
Loooove Simply Red...
Especially this song:
http://www.simplyred.com/music-and-lyrics/songs-of-love/holding-back-the-years/
Wow, brings back wonderful memories, Kelley. <3
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Comments make me feel like I'm not talking to the wall. Don't get me wrong. I love talking to walls. Some of my best friends are walls. Still, I like hearing from you, so thanks!