I feel like my website address is http://www.kelleysbreakroom.liverspots.com/.
There is one way I can get my original website address back. Pay the meanie lots of money. I could see me siphoning out the money from our bank account, my husband asking where it all went and me replying that it was all spent to get my original website address back. He’d put me in a human slingshot and launch me across town to land in a prairie with lots of cow patties, for sure.
That’s why I’m thinking of fundraising. I’m going to need your help. Here are your options:
#1 Pen passer-outers: I’m going to need a few of y’all to pretend your blind a couple of afternoons a week. I want you to put dark sunglasses on, go inside a McDonald’s, feel your way around to each table and place a pen with “Kelley’s Break Room” printed on it right beside their french fries. The note attached will say, “I am blind. If you have any soul at all, you will give me a $1. Any soul at all.” When they say, “What in the heck is ‘Kelley’s Break Room’?!” and squirt ketchup packets at your face, leave quickly and try again at Burger King.
#2 Car wash: Those of you that look best in your bathing suits, I’m going to need you to start up a car wash in your local Wal-Mart parking lots. All of the poster board signs that you make will say “Donations for this awesome car wash will go toward regaining Kelley’s Break Room’s original website address!!!!” When people start pelting you with raw eggs and yelling out the window, “WE’VE NEVER EVEN HEARD OF ‘KELLEY’S BREAK ROOM, YA FREAKS’!!”, pick up your sudsy rags and water buckets and head toward Target’s parking lot to try again.
#3 Wrapping paper: All of you can pitch in on this one, I’m pretty sure. All you will need to do is go door-to-door and sell wrapping paper with my button on it. The logo below will be repeated in tiny squares all over the wrapping paper. The paper is also very, very high quality. Sell each roll of wrapping paper for $10 or 3 for $30 or 4 for $40 (even though there is no deal there, sometimes you can trick people.) If anyone grabs the rolls of toilet paper from your hands, starts hitting you on the head with it while yelling, “Is that blog that belongs to the girl obsessed with Pepto-Bismol?! You think I want wrapping paper that is associated with her? Get outta here!”, just go to your local drug store and try to sell them outside of there. If you’d like, I can get you a Salvation Army bell to ring so people will be more aware of your presence.
I’m still working on the Girl Scouts. I’ve suggested making an orange cookie shaped like a chair with mint green filling and a big “K” stamped on the front to sell along with their “Caramel Delights” (SAMOAS!!!!) next year. Every meeting I’ve attended armed with my Power Point presentation, though, has ended up in a restraining order. So, I’m not getting very far here. I won’t give up, though.
So, who’s in?