I need a Kelley's Break Room army. Who's in?

If you've been around the Break Room for a little while, you know that a nincompoop "stole" my previous blog address, which was http://www.kelleysbreakroom.com/.  If you click on that link now, it takes you to a really stupid website ran by a meanie.  IT IS A FAKE BLOG.  The person took it in the hopes that I would fork over lots of money to get my website address back. In my effort to not care, I made a deal with Go Daddy to change it to http://www.kelleysbreakrm.com/, since that's my Twitter handle.  The only problem now is that Blogger won't recognize that website.  It's really complicated.  It be would AWESOME if I could talk to someone directly at Blogger about all of this, but...there is no number- just lots of help desk chat rooms.  So, while I cry myself to sleep thinking of my websites that are no more, I have to use a  .blogspot address.  It wouldn't be so bad if the word "blogspot" didn't remind of liver spots.

I feel like my website address is http://www.kelleysbreakroom.liverspots.com/.

There is one way I can get my original website address back.  Pay the meanie lots of money.  I could see me siphoning out the money from our bank account, my husband asking where it all went and me replying that it was all spent to get my original website address back.  He'd put me in a human slingshot and launch me across town to land in a prairie with lots of cow patties, for sure.

That's why I'm thinking of fundraising.  I'm going to need your help.  Here are your options:

#1 Pen passer-outers: I'm going to need a few of y'all to pretend your blind a couple of afternoons a week.  I want you to put dark sunglasses on, go inside a McDonald's, feel your way around to each table and place a pen with "Kelley's Break Room" printed on it right beside their french fries.  The note attached will say, "I am blind. If you have any soul at all, you will give me a $1. Any soul at all." When they say, "What in the heck is 'Kelley's Break Room'?!" and squirt ketchup packets at your face, leave quickly and try again at Burger King. 

#2 Car wash: Those of you that look best in your bathing suits, I'm going to need you to start up a car wash in your local Wal-Mart parking lots. All of the poster board signs that you make will say "Donations for this awesome car wash will go toward regaining Kelley's Break Room's original website address!!!!"  When people start pelting you with raw eggs and yelling out the window, "WE'VE NEVER EVEN HEARD OF 'KELLEY'S BREAK ROOM, YA FREAKS'!!", pick up your sudsy rags and water buckets and head toward Target's parking lot to try again.

#3 Wrapping paper: All of you can pitch in on this one, I'm pretty sure. All you will need to do is go door-to-door and sell wrapping paper with my button on it.  The logo below will be repeated in tiny squares all over the wrapping paper.  The paper is also very, very high quality.  Sell each roll of wrapping paper for $10 or 3 for $30 or 4 for $40 (even though there is no deal there, sometimes you can trick people.)  If anyone grabs the rolls of toilet paper from your hands, starts hitting you on the head with it while yelling, "Is that blog that belongs to the girl obsessed with Pepto-Bismol?! You think I want wrapping paper that is associated with her?  Get outta here!", just go to your local drug store and try to sell them outside of there.  If you'd like, I can get you a Salvation Army bell to ring so people will be more aware of your presence.

I'm still working on the Girl Scouts.  I've suggested making an orange cookie shaped like a chair with mint green filling and a big "K" stamped on the front to sell along with their "Caramel Delights" (SAMOAS!!!!) next year.  Every meeting I've attended armed with my Power Point presentation, though, has ended up in a restraining order. So, I'm not getting very far here. I won't give up, though. 

So, who's in?


Abby said... [Reply]

I'm not great at asking people to buy things, but I am willing to harvest my organs and auction them off to the highest bidder if that would help.

Or, pimp my cute-ass dog out and distribute baked goods while wearing a bathing suit outside of the car wash.

I'm a trooper. I'll take one for the team.

Shelly said... [Reply]

I can offer grading services- I will help grade essays for a small fee and donate it to your fund. I visited that other blog site and it's not nearly as fun as yours!

Fadderly said... [Reply]

That really sucks!!! WTH is that all about!?!?

I don't mind going door to door selling toothbrushes with your logo on it. :)

Kai said... [Reply]

I'm IN! And I have an idea. I'll go in MY swimsuit to ANYPLACE that serves food & threaten to make them LOOK at me while they eat UNLESS they donate to the cause. See how they like THAT! Shoot, the very THOUGHT of me in a swimsuit just caused ME to donate $190! And the girl scouts could rename their cookies KELLEYMEL DELIGHTS! Okay. I tried, right? Dumb b**** messing up YOUR site!

BadParentingMoments said... [Reply]

People would pay NOT to see me in a bathing siut. There's your angle!

Kim Brison said... [Reply]

Sooooo......I have a couple of extra kids hanging around....

Rochelle@AFamilyofLooneys said... [Reply]

I'm in. We could let my twin boys terrorize folks and they could pay us so the boys would leave them alone :-)

Kimber Leszczuk. said... [Reply]

Kelley - I hope you get your site back but please know your fans are going to follow you no matter where you end up! :)

Susan in the Boonies said... [Reply]

I can do a bake sale.
I just don't know who's going to want to buy cookies from:

Wild Life in the Woods.Liverspot.com

I don't have any liverspots on my hand yet, but I might by this afternoon. I'm old, and liverspots happen.

Maybe we could sell bumper stickers that say "Liverspots Happen". In Florida. Or Arizona. I think there's a market.

Saimi said... [Reply]

Liver spots? Now you have me looking at my hands!

Annabelle said... [Reply]

Um...I'm pretty sure you don't need your army, of which I am totally a member, to raise money.

No, you need us to go kick the shizz out of this doucher who took your name. Who does that? Jack holes, that's who.

Eva Gallant said... [Reply]

What a bummer that someone took your web address!! that is low!

In Real Life said... [Reply]

...I thought they were called beauty spots!?!

Maybe we could sell bottles of coke re-labeled with Kelley's Break Room logos!

Julie said... [Reply]

You know, hands aren't the only place we older ladies get liver spots.

I can donate some pictures of other body parts if you need.

That oughta bring in the big bucks.

(Or at least get people to wear sunblock.)

Jen said... [Reply]

Sweetie... just move to WordPress and then you can use the url that Blogger is being am asshat about.

Pish Posh said... [Reply]

I can fly a banner in a small two person plane or grade papers. Either way, I'm in.

MamaMash said... [Reply]

Girl, I'd follow you even you were on Xanga.

vinobaby said... [Reply]

I'm only helping out if I get a cut, as I still have that cheapo .blogspot add-on myself. But then again, I also have liver spots (but I just call them freckles, shhh...)

Carolyn said... [Reply]

Well that stinks, how'd they get the name?
Can you do a Wordpress.com site and direct it from there?

Sisterhood of the Sensible Moms said... [Reply]

Stupid mean people. You're a trooper for still finding the funny. (And stupid blogger) Ellen

My Inner Chick said... [Reply]

--I can do ANYTHING w/Chocolate Chip Cookies, Girlfriend. <3 Xxx

The Empress said... [Reply]

Since I'm the one that looks the best in a bathing suit, I'll head up the car wash.


You need an army? I'm in.

An Army For Kelley.

The Empress said... [Reply]

,,,and what about what Jen said? That sounds GREAT.

Will moving to WP solve your problems?

I know someone highly recommended for the move: Booyah's mom (she's through EliRoseSocial)

Heather Davis said... [Reply]

That's scary as heck, my friend! What a nightmare!!

I'm up to pimpin' for ya, yo.

(I've seriously not heard good things about go-daddy.)

The Flying Chalupa said... [Reply]

I went to that fake blog a while ago and thought WHAT THE HECK????? This ain't Kelley!

This sucks so bad. I'm angry for you, my friend, but your blog will never be associated with liverspots. I promise.

Unless you change your blog name to Kelley's Break Room For Liverspots. I bet that blog name url is still available.

Crystal Pistol said... [Reply]

Liver spots scare the H out of me! I am obsessed with putting sunscreen on my hands.

That is a super mean meanie jerk! Who DOES that! I their soul only worth a web address to them?

Natalie said... [Reply]

Ha ha we're all in and ready to pass out pens!

Cindi said... [Reply]

You could open a PayPal account so we could all donate. All you need is a new email account. Like beingextortedbycreep@karmasab*tch.com.

(I would seriously donate to that cause!)

Anna said... [Reply]

i don't think the meanie should get yo money (or yo army's money) i'm with the wordpress idea, no liverspots and you get to use your new url. and then we can laugh thinking of the meanie renewing and paying for the url year after year thinking you'll buy it... and you never do!

also, this totally sucks. and i'm really sorry.

Paige Kellerman said... [Reply]

I'm in, but there's only so many times I can take my shirt off and twirl it around my head in a public place, before people stop taking my message seriously.

TV's Take said... [Reply]

How much does the meanie want?
You could always sell some plasma or we could all sell our hair?

Debbie said... [Reply]

Oh my word - that is horrible. How the heck did that happen?
I just have to tell you how much I love you. Because even with this big crap-shoot - you are still finding the humor in it. Way to go!

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