This children’s book should come with anti-aging cream

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Which book?

The Cat in the Hat

It is one. long. book.

The Cat in the Hat is one long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, looooooooooooooooooong book if a beginning reader is reading it out loud to you.

The sun did not……sh…..ine.
It was too wet to……………..play.
So we sat in the….hou……………………se.
All that cold, cold, wet day.

This Dr. Seuss book about a mischievious skinny cat is, perhaps, his most famous book. It is obviously a very good one full of fun rhymes, a fun story, bored kids, Thing One and Thing Two and a bossy fish, but for the love of all that’s a beautiful shade of Pepto Bismol, that book is 61 pages long.  As a comparison, The Girl Who Kicked the Hornet’s Nest is 563 pages long. So, they’re basically the same length. 

It should come with a little baggy attached with anti-aging cream or something. You rub it on at the beginning of the book, so that you don’t look like an elderly tortoise when you’ve finished it. Now, don’t get all educational on me. I know the book is awesome for tons of reasons. I think it’s great myself and I happen to think there are a lot of funny parts in the movie starring Mike Myers as the cat.

But, it lasts forever.

Here are the happy mother and child at the beginning:

Illustration by Jenny Hinkle

They’re enjoying their time together. They laugh together at the funny parts (“There’s a talking fish in a bowl. HAHAHAHAHA!!!”) and hold their breath at the suspenseful parts (“How that bump made us jump!”). They snuggle together and the mother gives herself a pat on the back for being a parent that enjoys and fosters quality time with her child.

Before not too much time has past, she’s reading about the skinny cat standing on a ball with a book in his hand and a cup on his hat, but then that show-off cat has to add other things to his little trick and, before you know it, you’ve aged an entire year.

“‘Look at me! Look at me now!’ said the cat.
‘With a cup and a cake
On the top of my hat!
I can hold up TWO books!
I can hold up a fish!
And a little toy ship!
And some milk on a dish!
And look!
I can hop up and down on the ball!
But that is not all!
Oh, no.
THAT IS NOT ALL…

(THANKS A LOT, CAT!!!)

‘Look at me!
Look at me!
Look at me now!
It is fun to have fun
But you have to know how.
I can hold up the cup
And the milk and the cake!
I can hold up these books!
And a fish on a rake!
I can hold the toy ship!
And a little toy man!
And look! With my tail
I can hold a red fan!
I can fan with the fan
As I hop on the ball!
But that is not all.
Oh, no.
THAT IS NOT ALL…

(Ain’t that the truth!)

(Oops, he just fell.  I feel bad for yelling at him now.)

Actually, that part of the book is only during pages 14 through 20. Life is still fairly good. Both the mother and child are still youthful while reading. Thing One and Thing Two haven’t quite made it on the scene yet, but once that big red box comes out with those blue-headed little squirts, you’ve got to settle in for a while. A long while. By the time you throw in the yelling goldfish, get past the cleaning up of the house (“…and he picked up the cake, and the rake, and the gown, and the milk, and the strings, and the books, and the dish, and the fan, and the cup, and the ship and the fish…”) and the neglectful mother finally strolling through the door (Sally and her brother look at about 4 and 6), the mother and child look like this:

Illustration by Jenny Hinkle
Look at that. Both are still smiling. Amazing.
That’s some quality time, amirite?

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About the illustrator: Jenny Hinkle began painting as a child and started her business Cute as a Button… and her professional art career in 2005. Since 2005, Jenny has participated in art exhibits, festivals, trade shows, and media events in the Southern US as well as West Africa, creating over 500 original pieces of art in both official and charitable project capacities. Her website can be found here and her Facebook page can be found here. Please stop by to have a look around!

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