#1 Wear sunglasses all the time. Everyone knows that sexy women wear big sunglasses indoors. The bigger the better. If your sunglasses approach the size of a welder’s mask, take it back a notch.
#2 Wear heels. My husband loves heels. Wear heels all the time. Wear them as house shoes. Wear them as tennis shoes (there really are tennis shoe heels!!). Wear them to the grocery store. Wear them in a boat. Wear them with a goat. Wear them with a fox and wear them in a box.
#3 Show your strength. When you carry in 20 bags of groceries AT ONCE, make sure your man sees that action. Men love strong, independent women. If at all possible, balance the gallon of milk on your head. Try at least 10 times before giving up.
#4 Always wear a cute skirt. If being sexy is important to you, throw away the yoga pants, pajama bottoms, capri pants and jeans. If you are about to run in a marathon or mow the grass, make sure your skirt is made out of something lightweight, like cotton.
#5 Talk in a husky voice. If your husband asks why you’re talking like that and urges you to go to the doctor, tell him that it’s your sexy voice. If he didn’t hear you because he’s trying to watch the last few seconds of an important game, accidentally knock over his chips and queso.
#6 Work-out. Every time I hear that song “I work out!” during LMFAO’s “Sexy and I Know It”, I want to punch the radio’s face, because, well, I don’t really work out. I don’t appreciate the radio reminding me that I pay $38 a month to a gym I average a visit to once or twice a month. But, working out is sexy, right? My idea if you are not an avid worker outer, when you see someone you want to impress, stop and do some lunges. Jumping jacks also work. As soon as they walk away, get that fruit roll-up you snatched from your kids’ lunch box back out and continue on with life as normal.
#7 Whip your hair back and forth. Even 11-year-old Willow Smith knows that it’s sexy to flip your hair around. My gut feeling is that you don’t flip your hair around enough. Every time you turn a different direction or bend over to get something off the ground, make sure your hair follows a few seconds later. If you have short hair, just flip your head around a lot. If the man you are trying to impress doesn’t notice your hair antics, shoot a cap gun in the air.
#8 Be confident. I’m not a sexy mama expert, but I’m pretty sure confidence is sexy. So, tell your family that you are confident they are not picking up their toys very well. Tell your man that you are confident he could help out more around the house. I’m confident your sexiness will be irresistible!!
#9 Be funny and silly. A long, long time ago when I scoured Teen Beat magazines for a poster of Kirk Cameron, I remember reading a quote from a teenage guy that said, “Funny girls are gold.” He made it seem like they were so rare. We disagree, don’t we, girls? In all seriousness about being funny, silliness can lighten the mood in a household. Good moods increase the sexy factor, right?
That’s all I’ve got, people.