In preparation for Mother's Day, Nickelodeon's ParentsConnect will be sharing tips from a few mama bloggers on being sexy and sassy (I just said "sexy" on my blog. Ahhhh!). They asked me to throw in my two cents. When it comes to what I know about being a sexy mama, that's about all I have anyway.
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#1 Wear sunglasses all the time. Everyone knows that sexy women wear big sunglasses indoors. The bigger the better. If your sunglasses approach the size of a welder's mask, take it back a notch.
#2 Wear heels. My husband loves heels. Wear heels all the time. Wear them as house shoes. Wear them as tennis shoes (there really are tennis shoe heels!!). Wear them to the grocery store. Wear them in a boat. Wear them with a goat. Wear them with a fox and wear them in a box.
#3 Show your strength. When you carry in 20 bags of groceries AT ONCE, make sure your man sees that action. Men love strong, independent women. If at all possible, balance the gallon of milk on your head. Try at least 10 times before giving up.
#4 Always wear a cute skirt. If being sexy is important to you, throw away the yoga pants, pajama bottoms, capri pants and jeans. If you are about to run in a marathon or mow the grass, make sure your skirt is made out of something lightweight, like cotton.
#5 Talk in a husky voice. If your husband asks why you're talking like that and urges you to go to the doctor, tell him that it's your sexy voice. If he didn't hear you because he's trying to watch the last few seconds of an important game, accidentally knock over his chips and queso.
#6 Work-out. Every time I hear that song "I work out!" during LMFAO's "Sexy and I Know It", I want to punch the radio's face, because, well, I don't really work out. I don't appreciate the radio reminding me that I pay $38 a month to a gym I average a visit to once or twice a month. But, working out is sexy, right? My idea if you are not an avid worker outer, when you see someone you want to impress, stop and do some lunges. Jumping jacks also work. As soon as they walk away, get that fruit roll-up you snatched from your kids' lunch box back out and continue on with life as normal.
#7 Whip your hair back and forth. Even 11-year-old Willow Smith knows that it's sexy to flip your hair around. My gut feeling is that you don't flip your hair around enough. Every time you turn a different direction or bend over to get something off the ground, make sure your hair follows a few seconds later. If you have short hair, just flip your head around a lot. If the man you are trying to impress doesn't notice your hair antics, shoot a cap gun in the air.
#8 Be confident. I'm not a sexy mama expert, but I'm pretty sure confidence is sexy. So, tell your family that you are confident they are not picking up their toys very well. Tell your man that you are confident he could help out more around the house. I'm confident your sexiness will be irresistible!!
#9 Be funny and silly. A long, long time ago when I scoured Teen Beat magazines for a poster of Kirk Cameron, I remember reading a quote from a teenage guy that said, "Funny girls are gold." He made it seem like they were so rare. We disagree, don't we, girls? In all seriousness about being funny, silliness can lighten the mood in a household. Good moods increase the sexy factor, right?
That's all I've got, people.
19 comments:
As a guy, and from experience, I know that these all work for me.
But I think at some point I might ask my wife to try them out instead of me. I can't always be the sexy one.
So I read this while bringing in the groceries from the car (carrying about 20 bags at once plus a small child clinging to my neck for dear life), had already had the thought "I can't believe that I did my hair this morning for it to already look like this," and all the make-up that had I had been wearing had been rubbed off by sticky little hands. That is my work-out, who needs a gym? Seriously, this post was hilarious, it made me laugh so hard I dropped the bags and kid (well, not really the kid, she climbed on down my body while getting my clothes rumpled and sticky in the process). Great job, I enjoy reading your blog!
-Audri @ Rediscovering Our Family (www.rediscoveringourfamily.blogspot.com)
I'm not thinking about being sexy at all when I'm carrying the 20 bags of groceries looped on one arm and a 50 lb. bag of dog food in the other with my purse hanging from my neck and the keys hanging from my mouth, but it's good to know we're thought of as sexy like that.
You forgot bacon. Better than Chanel or Guicci--you smear a little bacon on those pulse points and they'll follow you anywhere! (and change faucets and carry laundry and...) Oh, and stick a piece in your pocket for the afterglow snack. ;)
"Wear them with a fox and wear them in a box." Flippin' hilarious!!!
Brilliant tips my dear... and b/c I have a cold, I have the husky voice down pat!
See? Another reason I'll never be a mom. I'm just not that into heels ...or kids, but mostly heels. Other than that I guess I'm qualified.
What a great list! Sunglasses, heels, and a sense of humor. Now, that's hot!
Well now I know that I'm definitely off the sexy list... I don't do any of this stuff (PJ pants are AWESOME!!!). Let's not show this post to my husband, m'ok? Don't need him to get any funny ideas about me actually getting dressed, working out and grocery shopping (the horror!!!).
You got the heels right, although I don't wear them unless I'm going to church, the husband loves my hot pink 'barbie' shoes!
I wear summer skirts as soon as the weather allows it otherwise it's comfy pants and tennis shoes.
Great list and well put!
Now that you've given me proof positive that I am completely unsexy I'll go get into my yoga pants, put my hair back in its usual pony tail, and slink into the living room.
Great List, Kelley,
especially the "wearing heels" with goats, in boats, and of course, in bed...
Xxx
I tried the sunglasses thing indoors.... and walked into a door. Maybe I shouldn't have done the hair flicking thing at the same time.
Too funny! Great tips. You forgot a good one though, wearing a french maid uniform while cleaning toilets. LoL, NOT!
lol I think working out IS sexy :p
love number 2 and 5 :)
I'm going to start wearing my sunglasses all the time now...with heels that is LOL :)
I want to punch the radio in the face too :)
I'm sexy and I don't work out so suck it LMFAO...and you are too Kelley...minus the skin reaction you get from hair dye.
YEah...I have the sunglasses thing down - I do wear them inside and at night...my excuse they are a headband - plus my invisibility cloak. Anytime I see someone approaching who I want to avoid on goes the invisibility cloak :)
Funny! Sunglasses lately are my dear dear friend! And the heel thing - yep, I'm on it!
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