The 5 Types of Pillows: Which one is your homeboy?

My husband is really particular about his pillows. He absolutely insists that they be made of some kind of material and some kind of stuffing. Luckily, all pillows are made this way, but not all pillows are made equally. I think we all know this very well. On our bed are four pillows that are meant to sleep on and seven for decoration. Out of the four that can be slept on, there is only one that really passes his test. There are a couple that look and feel alike to me. If I happen to go to sleep with his favorite pillow before he does, he doesn't pull it out from under my head (usually) but will frown himself to sleep.

He loves his pillow. It's like his homeboy.

I might get one of these shirts made for him. For real.

What makes a particular pillow someone's homeboy? You know...the pillow you want with you wherever you go. The pillow that is always by your side when it's time to sleep. The pillow that has your back in a fight. The pillow that will go with you to the movies. The pillow for which you've developed a special handshake. The pillow you don't hand out first when guests come over. You try to give them a nice pillow, but you'll never hand them your homeboy pillow.

What is so special about your homeboy pillow?

Well, I can't answer that. The answer to that question is between you and your homeboy. I can tell you that pillows fall into five major categories, though. Trust me. I have a bachelor's degree in Pillowology from The Mattress Firm University (Gooooo Boxsprings!!) and I'm working on my Master's at The Mattress Giant Institute (Goooo Tempurpedics!!) right now.

#1 The Boulder Pillow

This one has got to be the worst. How does any pillow maker assume someone is able to sleep well on a boulder? When lots and lots of people walk into Macy's to request directions to the "very large rocks for pillow section", maybe then pillows should start being made this way.  Only then.

#2 The Paper Pillow
I have a confession. My 4-year-old's pillow is a bit papery. It's kind of flat. He's 4, so he doesn't know that his pillow kind of bites. He has another, better pillow on his bed, but he always goes for the paper pillow because he doesn't know better. I feel horrible now. Adults don't typically like paper pillows. They require a lot of folding and shaping before any semblance of sleep can be achieved.

This one was folded and shaped so much by this dude that he ended up creating some origami unexpectedly, which is pretty impressive.

#3 The Fortune Cookie Pillow
The Fortune Cookie Pillow will just wrap your head in it with no mercy. Both sides of your pillow are extremely fluffy and awesome, but the middle, the middle where your dang head is located, is flat, flat, flat. Your head is touching the boxsprings because it's so flat. You feel like your head is the hamburger meat inside a cotton taco. This is no bueno, mis amigos.

#4 The Porcupine Pillow
I like a good feather pillow as much as the next girl, but some of them are just vicious. Some of them make you wonder if, instead of feathers, the pillow makers used porcupine quills, or perhaps even glass shards. You wake up in the middle of the night in pain and feel like you've been hit with a tranquilizer dart. After not being able to fall asleep due to rogue feathers and a few straight pins sticking out of your pillow, you'll wish someone would hit you with a tranquilizer dart.

#5 The Goldie Locks Pillow
This pillow is, you guessed it, juuuuuust riiiiight. Everyone has their own reasons why a pillow is their favorite. Everyone has different reasons for choosing one pillow to be their homeboy or homegirl. As long as the pillow doesn't cause me bodily harm, and is not wanted by a really huge angry bear,  I'm usually pretty good with it.

Which pillow is your homeboy? Which one is the least likely to go with you on a trip? Which one makes the best pancakes?

**The giveaway of the $50 Amazon gift card for joining the "My Life and Kids Community" on Mom IQ/Blog Frog is going on right now. I am one of the community leaders, so you know I'll be starting some random conversations over there. Also, if you haven't linked up to "Finding the Funny" this week, please do. Information about both can be found here. Thanks!**


Abby said... [Reply]

I actually NEVER take my pillow with me anywhere, as my OCD excludes me from taking it for fear of germs. This is often to my detriment, but I wouldn't be able to sleep knowing my "real" pillow wasn't home safe.

Anyway, that said, I need a good pillow :) I have two "normal" ones and a body pillow and I'm pretty sure I should bill all three of them for my chiropractor appts. I think I need some pillow tutoring from you!

Rochelle@AFamilyofLooneys said... [Reply]

LMBO Kelley. The Fortune Coolie Pillow had me cracking up. I never thought of it like that, but you are right my friend. My boys have the paper pillow. My girl got smart about the paper pillow and wanted a better one.

Kelly Sheehy said... [Reply]

My favourite pillow would probably fall into the paper category, but it's more like a thin magazine or pamphlet rather than a single sheet of paper. :)

Alison@Mama Wants This said... [Reply]

OMG we have TWO of those darn porcupine pillows!!

I have a perfect pillow. It's malleable but not too soft, slightly firm, but not hard. And JUST RIGHT. Sigh.

Insomniac #4 said... [Reply]

Lol...I loved this post, esp. the Fortune Cookie pillow. I have one of those! I've tried some of our others, but one of them is definitely a Paper pillow and the others are puffy in all the wrong places. Not even a fortune cookie, more like...a see-saw? I dunno. We've had our share of porcupines, as well. But I haven't had a Goldilocks pillow in years :(

Annabelle Archer said... [Reply]

Pillows are serious business in my home. We have a little of all the above.

The four year old is all about the flat, the five year old sleeps only on a large stuffed dog, the hubs on two lumpy bumpy nightmares and I have the half memory foam half fluffy goodness.

Pokey-ass Down is banned from the premisis.

loved this post

robyn said... [Reply]

"your head is the hamburger meat inside a cotton taco" has tears streaming down my face, I'm laughing so hard! DON'T TELL ABBY up there, but our pillows came from a very posh hotel where my MIL worked, which they were selling because they remodel every 5 minutes. I know, gross, but they're soooooo nice. As a bonus, my kids got to upgrade from their paper pillows to our cast-off pillows, which I would categorize as "overstuffed with lumps of cotton." Bad mommy.

Fadderly said... [Reply]

i can tolerate all those pillows. except for the porcupine pillow. ugh!!! those lil darts that poke you in the middle of the night? they're the worst!!!!

Shelly said... [Reply]

I, too, frown myself to sleep if my husband ends up with one of mine. Not a cool thing to do since it's very hard for me to sleep without my special one.

And, thank you for your very kind comments on my post yesterday- that really means so much!

Christian at Point Counter-Point Point Point said... [Reply]

I like the pillows that have a chocolate or mint waiting for you on them. I would really like that type of pillow for home but my wife refuses to get on board with it.

Karine said... [Reply]

Seriously funny.

Pillows can make or break your night! Hubs and I have our own pillow and help us all should one mistakenly take the other's...

Feathered pillow (or anything feathered) are not permitted in this house as they attract the 4 cats as if it was catnip. It's pretty funny to see them all go crazy on the pillow but then we can't get a decent night's sleep... they'll knock ALL NIGHT LONG at our door to get at the darn feathered pillows!

Apparently, the subject of pillows brings out the ranting craziness in me.

Craziness abounds said... [Reply]

I've once again learned at your feet my friend. I will now go make an educated decision on my pillows. I feel a little guilty about the ones I will have to discard.. They have, after all, been faithful companions. However I can only have one homegirl pillow. Sigh

Natalie said... [Reply]

It is funny but so true...pillows are not created can't be too soft...or too firm needs to be just right!

lori said... [Reply]

I actually like the paper pillow. I know. Weird. I don't like having my neck all lifted or bent. Hubby on the other hand, likes more puffy pillows. Each to his own, I suppose. Loved your little stick people!

Kim Brison said... [Reply]

Goldilocks is my homeboy and goes everywhere with, because I adore you...and I totally never do this, but I thought it could be fun for some of us to get to know each other (please do not feel obligated in any way) tag you are it... xoxo-Kim (SoCal Mom)

Emily said... [Reply]

I never take my pillow with me when we travel, but I always have a few panicked moments in the hotel room when I'm frantically sorting through all the pillows trying to find one that's right...and there so very rarely *is* a good pillow in a hotel room. Next time though, I'll definitely be thinking about your categories. This was funny!

My Inner Chick said... [Reply]

--I'd like to order the Goldie Locks Pillow, Kelley.
Can you draw me one? Xxxx

Michelle said... [Reply]

I had a perfect pillow until recently, but the feathers have all squooshed and made it into a paper pillow. Now I'd got to start the whole pillow quest over again....sigh...

MamaMash said... [Reply]

I have an aunt who lives in Houston who has the best pillows ever. (I'm not talking about her boobs. Though they are spectacular like the rest of the family.) She always catches sales at Macy's or whatever. They are ahhhmazing. Perfect poof, just enough support.

And they smell good.

yv said... [Reply]
free wallpaper soccer

Sparkling said... [Reply]

My father sleeps with those paper thin pillows. I've never understood how he does it. I invested in one of the memory foam pillows with the bunch for the cervical spine and it is completely amazing.

Post a Comment

Comments make me feel like I'm not talking to the wall. Don't get me wrong. I love talking to walls. Some of my best friends are walls. Still, I like hearing from you, so thanks!

Newer Posts Older Posts Home