My Heart Hurts. For Real.

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There has been sadness in my life this week.  I know sadness is nothing new.  Lots of things are sad, but, as you might have read in my “about the janitor” page, I don’t typically focus on sadness in this blog.  I don’t really want to do it now either. 

But I am.

My uncle passed away yesterday.

The uncle that used to count my freckles to see how many boys I had kissed when I was, like, seven years old.  It used to be make my face turn bright red. 

The uncle that always called me Kel-Kel.  I loved that. 

The uncle that always had wise words for me.  He would laugh and laugh and then get real serious with some wisdom.

The uncle that loved to hold my baby boys.  He’d put them on his stomach and they’d sleep there so peacefully.

The uncle that I loved to hug.

The uncle that wasn’t feeling good for many years, but it still breaks my heart that he is gone.  It breaks my heart that I didn’t call more.  That I didn’t visit more.  He lived in Florida with my aunt and cousins.  We are in Texas.  Still, I could have called more. 

I didn’t.

That breaks my heart.  This morning when I rolled over to snuggle with my warm husband, my heart broke for my aunt who cannot snuggle with her husband anymore.  She can’t feel his warmth anymore.  There is no more warmth.

There are no more phone calls and words of wisdom to be spoken directly to his sons.  To his grandkids.  To his many brothers and sisters.  The out loud kind.  The ones he has spoken already will stay with them inside.  I know that.  I’m grateful for that.

I know death is natural.  I know it is a normal part of life.  I know we will all die.  I have a deep faith and know that this is not the end.

Still, it breaks my heart.

This weekend, I will travel with some family to Florida.  My sons and husband will stay behind for various reasons.  I know they would all love to be there to support my aunt, but, for this time, it is best that I go on my own.  I know it is just a few days that we will be apart, but…my heart breaks over leaving them, too.

So, as you might imagine, tears have stung my eyes on many occasions over the past couple of days.  Hot tears.  Tears that spring up out of nowhere.

My heart hurts.  My heart hurts over other people’s hearts hurting worse.

So, no silliness in the Break Room today.  I am sorry.  I will be back with laughter in my voice next week. 

Love on the ones you love this weekend.  Squeeze them extra tight.  Call them and tell them so.  Let them know you appreciate them.

(I appreciate all of you.  Thank you for reading.)

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