The 10 Lost Flavors of Ben & Jerry's

Because the opening of my Hip Hop Food Stop is getting such rave reviews from restaurant goers that don't exist, I thought I'd jump back into the food game by contacting Ben & Jerry's (who, by the way, is having a FREE CONE DAY on April 3rd!) with my ideas for musician-inspired ice cream flavors.  We all may be familiar with their flavors "Jerry Garcia" and "Phish Food" out right now.  Since it seems they love to honor great music with an ice cream flavor but haven't done so in a while, I came up with some ideas.  If you have any to add, please let me know!

(Here is the REAL Ben and the REAL Jerry!  Crazy!  They
look like men who would like a scoop of Milli Vanilla, amirite?)

Depeche a La Mode
(This flavor comes in a mandatory double scoop, since "a la mode" means "topped with ice cream" and this is ice cream we're talking about here, people. the way, there is a funny guy I follow on Twitter named @depechealamode. Just FYI.)

Milli Vanilla
(It calls itself "vanilla", but beware!  A very, very mild banana-flavored ice cream is actually posing for "Milli Vanilla", though you'd never know it.  So tricky, that Milli Vanilla! Also, black licorice, dreadlock-looking Twizzlers are optional toppings.  Pssst friend @enblytheopedia came up with "milli vanilla" when I brought up this topic on Twitter.  He's a funny dude, too.)

Chocolate-Vanilla Swirl with Eminems
(As you are eating it, you never know if you are going to catch a chocolate or a vanilla flavor!  This one is very complex! Be careful chomping down on the Eminems, though, as very angry Pop Rocks have been tossed into the mix.)

Cookies 'n Queen
(This is the cookies 'n cream-esque flavor that you have come to know and love but the cookies are shaped like bullets in honor of one of their song lyrics, "Mamaaaa, I just killed a man. Put my gun...".  You know the rest. This is a very uplifting flavor and provides an opportunity to talk to your kids about gun safety.)

Celine 'n Cream
 (Like Ms. Dion herself, this flavor has lots of very praline syrupy sweetness to it.  If a scoop of this ice cream is not given to you with "Rene" written in caramel across the top of it, the ice cream is free.  No questions asked.)

Bonbon Jovi
 (Who wouldn't want a butter pecan flavored ice cream with chunks of bonbons all throughout it?  No one, that's who!  You have been warned, though, this ice cream IS slippery when wet, so eat it up quickly!  Please note, if you find long strands of heavy metal rocker-like hair in your delicious dessert, it was intentional.  It is part of the experience.)

Berry White
 (Only order this ice cream if you are in the mood for love!  Sweet love!  This ice cream is, of course, strawberry.  All of the strawberries have been painstakingly carved to resemble hearts.  If there do not appear to be enough in your scoop, your server will carve more.  Give her space and time to get it right.  Love should not be rushed.)

Spice Twirls
 (A different spice has been selected for each Spice Girl and then all of the flavors are then twirled together.  Since there aren't that many sweet spices besides Cinnamon and Allspice and maybe a few others, please know that pepper, steak seasoning and cayenne are a part of this unique ice cream dish. You will hate it. We beg you not to order it.  For the love of all that is good and right, listen to us.)

Mint Green Day
 (Nothing too crazy about this one.  It is mint. It is green.  It is served during the day. The only kind of crazy thing about it is that we draw a little road over the top of the ice cream mound with a fork in the middle of it to help you recall Green Day's lyrics, "Another turning point, a fork stuck in the road..." We are certain once you taste this minty green baby, you will remember it as the "Time of Your Life".)

Rocky (Road) Martin
(Ricky Martin has probably traveled a rocky road from his days with Menudo to his Livin' La Vida Loca days to his coming out days.  So fortunate for us that Ricky and Rocky rhymed! Rocky Martin has the nuts and marshmallows that you have come to expect, but also a bit of menudo, in honor of Ricky's early days.  You know, the Mexican soup made with boiled tripe? Yeah! I see your mouth watering already!)

Chilly Nelson (snow cones)
(If ice cream is not your thing, try an icy Chilly Nelson or grab one to take back on the road again, for those that just can't wait to get back on the road again. In case you are wondering, there is not a "Mary Jane" snow cone flavor, though we know this is something that Willy would have liked.  It was such a pain getting a license for that one with drugs being illegal and all.  Oh, one more thing, in an effort to entice you, we are giving away fake braids with all Chilly Nelson orders!)

You can order any flavor in a Dolly CARTON, CUP w/ Roses, or a CONE Temple Pilot.


XL said... [Reply]

"...a bit of menudo..." omg. That made me laugh so hard!

Alison@Mama Wants This said... [Reply]

You are truly brilliant Kelley.

I'll have a double scoop of Bonbon Jovi!

Ali - My Suitcase Full of Tricks said... [Reply]

It's actually surprising that they never had Milli Vanilla. Spice Twirls! You're funny.

Abby said... [Reply]

This. Is. Hilarious. I love you.
The end.

Michelle Hanway said... [Reply]

hah, great flavors! depeche a la mode - yes please!

Shelly said... [Reply]

The BonBon Jovi sounds just right. Make it two scoops, please-

Traci said... [Reply]

FREE CONE DAY! That might end up being the highlight of our spring break!

I remember visiting the Flavor Graveyard at the B & J factory...they are so clever with their flavors!

Insomniac #4 said... [Reply]

If Depeche a la Mode were a real flavor, I'd go (back) to the Ben & Jerry's factory in Vermont and buy cases of it. Just cause I love me some Mode. But all the flavors (except Spice Twirls) sound good. I mean, duh, it's ice cream! Actually I'm not big on mint, but Green Day should definitely have their own flavor. Why should Dave Matthews have all the fun, huh?

robyn said... [Reply]

Awwww yeah, Mint Green Day! This post was sooo funny - I don't know HOW you thought of so many flavors, but they were all perfect!

TV's Take said... [Reply]

I bet that Milli Vanilli has some of that artificial sweetner stuff in it too. The nerve

Jen said... [Reply]

It's very possible that you just ruined ice cream for me.

Natalie said... [Reply]

You crack me up! Too bad I gave up ice cream for Lent LOL!

Paige Kellerman said... [Reply]

Ugh..why did you have to make me think of ice cream? As if the pregnant lady doesn't crave entire candy stores as it is. Either or, the Milli Vanilla sounds good...

Headed over to Nick Mom!

Paula @lkg4sweetspot said... [Reply]

hahahaha "Mamaaaa, I just killed a man. Put my gun. Fix me up with some Bonbon Jovi anytime - I like it slippery when wet, or, well, you know...

Monkey Man said... [Reply]

How could you forget "Taking Back Sundae"?

Kimberly said... [Reply]

Can I get a pint of Bonbon Jovi.
Does it come in leather pants?

Emmy said... [Reply]

Hilarious!! Too funny. But the hair possibly in the icecream! Ewe!!

Julie Gardner said... [Reply]

Now I feel so much less weird about always topping my ice cream with a little RENE in caramel.

I always suspected I was normal.

My Inner Chick said... [Reply]

did you actually make these ice-cream names up?


You may be onto something, girlfriend.

I'll take all of the Bonbon Jovi I can get, pleeeeease. Xx

Cindi said... [Reply]

I bow in your awesomeness Kelley. LoLoL!

anna said... [Reply]

these sound delicious! hope the ben and jerry's folks are reading and taking notes!

AudreyO said... [Reply]

Chocolate-Vanilla Swirl with Eminems...whenever we go out for frozen yogurt this is what I make. It's my favorite.

Peiji said... [Reply]

loved this post, the chocolate-vanilla swirl with Eminems
sound pretty good and exciting :p but I love anything minty
so I'll try the Mint Green Day :)

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