After posting this status update on my personal Facebook page, "Hearing what people order from Starbucks entertains me. Please entertain me. Tell me exactly what you say when you are finally standing in front of the barista", I knew it was past time to salute the Starbucks barista girls as a part of my "Today, We Salute You..." series. If you click on those same words in my navigation bar above, you will see that 12 ladies have been saluted so far in the Break Room. It blows me away that it has taken me this long to get around to the Starbucks ladies! Because I have been so, so entertained by my friends' responses, I put them in the comments section below. People get downright CRAZY when ordering their Starbucks. I love it!
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***The below is sung to the tune of those popular commercials from that REALLY big beer company, which you can hear here***
Kelley's Break Room presents...
Real Women of Genius
(Real women of geeeennniu-hus!!!)
Today we salute YOU, Ms. Starbucks-Barista-Lady.
(Ms. Starbucks-Barista-Laaaaaaahaaaydeh!!!)
It's your turn today to work the morning shift, so you quickly put on your black shirt, your black skinny jeans and then tie your green Starbucks apron around you so fast and skilled that you sometimes wonder why you just didn't become a ninja. After making sure all of your face piercings are nice and secure and that your teeth are brushed, you run out the door, hop on your bike and pedal fast toward THE Starbucks in town.
(Can't-wait-to-eat-some-pound-cake)
Within seconds, you're behind the counter and fielding all of the coffee requests from sassy people who transform into royalty once in front of your cash register. There is no way you are fooled by people in jeans and t-shirts. Starbucks customers may dress casual, but once inside your store every single one of them is a prima donna. Every single one of them feels a little smarter, a little more trendy, a little more "with it" once you succumb to their demands, they get their coffee and go on their way. That makes you smile.
(C'MON! THROW SOMETHING IN MY TIP CUP!!!)
You marvel at yourself for being able to understand demands like, *"Grande 6 Pump Soy Chai. No, make that a Caramel Macchiato with Soy, upside down and inside out" and **"venti-iced-quad-shot-three-raw-sugar-upside-down-not-stirred-caramel-macchiato-with-lots-of-caramel-on-bottom" without having to ask for a repetition. No average Jane could make it as a barista and, for that, you sometimes get a little cocky. You can take the order AND make the coffee. In fact, you could run this whole store all alone and know that if there was ever a "Starbucks Barista 101" class at the local junior college, you'd be the professor.
(Just-don't-make-me-be-the-pastry-getter)
So, crack open a new package of those Starbucks-green plastic stirrers that fit into that spout in the plastic lids and know that YOU are the real reason we drive right past the donut shop with the black coffee for 25 cents and straight to Starbucks where we fork. it. over. Our retirement fund may have all been spent on your delicious coffee and a whoopie pie or two, but, for your smile and expertise (and strange tattoos that we like to stare at every morning), it will all have been worth it.
Ms. Starbucks Barista Lady!!!!!!!!!!!!
(not her below)
(not her below)
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| Not a lady, but one of my favorite Starbucks employees ever. He let me take a picture of his official Starbucks ski cap that had been embroidered with handcuffs by his very own mother. |
*My friend Stephanie's order.
**My friend Kim's order.
(I would LOVE to hear exactly what you say when you are standing in front of the barista, even if you wear the "Coffee. Black." badge.)
47 comments:
I don't go that often, but it's because I'm a total cheapskate, who experiments with off-brand coffee/fertilizer/woodchip mix in her own kitchen. Also, I'm super intimidated when I go into Starbucks. Everyone in front of me is, as you've pointed out, extremely well-versed in coffee speak, and I end up saying something dumb like, "Ummm...can you put milk in it?"
I don't drink coffee and never go to Starbucks, but I can relate to barista lady dealing with douche canoes as I worked in a coffee shop for a year in college.
To be honest, it was my favorite job ever. I loved my "regulars" and could be really creative with drink creation. However, you get some real, shall we say, java jerks in there as well. It's a customer service job, so that's expected, but people waiting for caffeine? A whole different beast.
That said, it's coffee people. Calm down...
Starbucks intimidates me. You described it perfectly.
As soon as I get to the counter I start to sweat and might pee a little.
I'll stick with Tim Hortons
I went to Starbucks for the first time last week and it was in PARIS so I ordered un café creme- tall. Whooppeeeeeeee.
Love it!! I am going to be singing that song as a tribute all day! I love my starbucks guy who always talks music with me while I am ordering my designer coffee.
Thanks for making me laugh! As a S*bux barista myself, I very much appreciate the shout-out.
One day, I listened closely to each customer's order, specifically waiting to hear a "please". It was about an hour until someone said it, and I was so excited that I gave that gentleman a free drink!! Remember your manners, people! It makes all the difference. :)
Fun fact: The guy that sings those Real Men of Genius commercials was the lead singer of Survivor, of "Eye of The Tiger" fame.
"Hi, I'd like to order a Grande White Hot Chocolate, and could I get it extra hot." Then, I get asked if I would like any whipped cream, by which I reply, "I would love some, thanks!" but half the time I taste my first sip to find it's a vanilla mocha, so I have to then start from the beginning."
-Angela
"Green tea frappucino, as light as you can get it. I know it's sexy, that's why I order it. I can't stand green tea, but I love the eavesdropper's look of shock."
-Kelly
Venti drip.
-Sarah
Grande 6 Pump Soy Chai...unless I'm feeling sassy, then it's a Caramel Macchiato with Soy, upside down and inside out...
-Stephanie
Venti iced quad shot 3 raw sugar upside down not stirred caramel macchiato with lots of caramel on bottom, please and thank you.
-Kim
"Can I have a cup of ice water?"
-Spencer
Regular coffee.
-Robin
Grande nonfat toffee-nut latte, no whip. Or a tall skinny mocha. I know, booorrriiing.
-Erin
Grande non-fat upside down caramel macchiato. My 6-year-old orders a kid's white hot chocolate, no whip, which throws them for some reason.
-Lisa
I'll have the number four, with fries and a root beer.
-Dan
I am enjoying reading these! You've got some high maintenance friends, Kelley! I'm a venti iced coffee, no ice kinda gal.
-Summer
I'd like the Venti Iced Americano, with 4 Splenda and 1/2 and 1/2 creamer.
-Lee
Mine is, a grande praline mocha...but we can only get that here in Europe. If I ask for that in the states, I get BLANK stares and "What is praline??", which is funny because praline is from the South. I mean, Pecan Praline Blue Bell??? How on earth do Europeans know what praline is and not Americans??
-Audrey
Tall nonfat cinnamon dolce latte, light whip. Sometimes I add decaf in the mix, too.
-Allison
Grande China green tea with a a quarter cup steamed soy milk!
-Jodie
I'm boring. Venti iced unsweet Zen tea.
-Julie
"Grande coffee misto with 2 raw sugars." It is just coffee with hot milk but its like getting a latte for a fraction of the prices plus it's not all milk.
-Amy
My order is a "venti, skinny, soy caramel macchiato and a slice of banana walnut bread." Yeah, I know it defeats the purpose of a "skinny coffee" but you have to cut the calories somewhere, right?!? This is KILLIN' ME! We're only 3 days into Lent and the "no Starbucks" part of my sacrifice is already hurting!! Bad!!
-Aimee
I love my barrissta.
Once on a really bad day, she had asked me how my day was and I started crying.
Of course she looked like a deer in headlights so I just threw my money at her.
I think her tip was more than my grande cinnamon dolce latte with lots of whipped cream...so that was about an arm and leg and first born.
I ask "Do you know where I can find a CC's coffee shop, cause I hate your coffee." The espressos are too wak and the drip coffee is burnt. Before I get attacked for this, YES it is just my opinion, and YES, I did work for CC's for 2 years, so I am a bit biased, but I did like Starbucks before and I really don't like them now. I make my own at home.
-Laura
1) Passion sweet iced tea lemonade
2) Mocha frap with whipped cream
-Sonny
Grande Awake Tea with room for milk, please. I don't drink coffee, but Starbucks has really great tea. :)
"Grande nonfat latte, the vanilla syrup that's not sugar free - the nonfat but full sugar syrup thing takes a sec to explain usually."
-Diana
I'm so boring. It's either a carmel machiatto or carmel frappichino
Haha! Being from Seattle I love this! Hubby won't order mine because he's too embarrassed! Iced grande caramel brûlée Americano with extra ice and room for cream :)
I've never in my life had coffee, not even a taste, so on the rare occasion I am in Starbucks, it is to accompany a family member or friend and marvel at the language everyone speaks in there that sounds like English but is so foreign to me.
Lol...I love those commercials. Do they still do them? The mrs. and I used to laugh out loud whenever a new one came on the radio.
I'm not a coffee drinker (you can get me a Coke if you'd like. *wink wink*) but I have been to Starbucks a few times with friends, just to soak up the atmosphere (and work on my novel haha)
I dunno why, but the general self-importance of Starbucks customers you mentioned reminded me of last night's ep. of "Grey's Anatomy": the barista and the customer are both in an accident and the customer swears she knows him/likes him cause she knows how he likes his coffee w/o him having to ask...which he somehow interprets as flirting? Are guys really that dumb?
Don't answer that! :D
HAaaaaaaaaaaa.
I'll have a large Latte w/ no flavoring, please. Can you make me a picture of George Clooney w/ the foam, Biatch?
Xx
I think I'm the only Washingtonian (Home of Starbucks) that doesn't drink coffee. (LoL)
I can however add my frustration of ALL the Starbucks addicts who wait in line for 10-15 minutes to order and get their morning cup of coffee then turn around and have a major hissy fit if they have to wait 5 minutes in a checkstand line. Ugh! (LoL)
OMG with that second order! So glad that the Starbucks is all open so the employees can't spit in drinks without everyone seeing.
Back when I still ordered fancy coffee I was a grande soy cinnamon dolce latte girl. Now I'm a grande bold with cream and 3 splendas. So boring.
I'm am such a boring Starbucks customer!
Iced caramel macchiato. Please.
Thank you because...
I am that lady. Actually I'm the boss of that lady and a few guys. I guess that makes me the Boss Barista Lady.
No tattoos but I am cocky.
::sniff:: Thanks for the shout out.
Tip jar's to the right.
Starbucks baristas do rock. But I wonder, what about the male ones? Are they still called baristas? Or baristos? or...?
"I'll have a venti cappacino with extra shot and please put a packet of raw sugar in the bottom of the cup before you make it and DO NOT STIR IT. Got that? Don't stir it!" To which they say no problem we got it.
What the flip is inside out and/or upside down? Isn't that a Berenstein Bears book about a box? Wouldn't your coffee spill?
But seriously - what IS that?
Venti iced white mocha, with breve and a shot of french vanilla. Heavy on the whip. As abarista, I thought this post was great!
Is it wrong that I don't drink coffee? Thus, no Starbucks for me. Unless it's super cold outside (ahahaha yeah right!) then I order hot chocolate! ;)
https://www.facebook.com/pages/Please-Help-Find-Samantha-Koenig/328733013838027
Ha very clever - you should do this the next time you order at SB's - but make sure you have a bunch of that foam on your lip as a disguise!!
W.C.C.
I rarely ever go to Starbucks...
even if I do, it's for meeting with friends to talk
after not seeing eachother for at least a year ><
I usually order tea... yes tea >> green or calm tazo tea :p
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