My Revised Post & Apology About Speaking Spanish

Jennifer Lopez as Selena in the movie
of the same name.  LOVED IT!
Hello, blogosphere.   Earlier today I wrote a post that was to ultimately encourage you to check out the latest Juice In The City's deal for a week-long daycamp designed to teach children to learn Spanish down here in Houston.  You can see the link to that day camp at the bottom of this post.   This post didn't quite come off right.  It offended some people.  I never want to be someone who offends anyone.  I love people!  I would give you a hug if you were beside me right now!

Anyway, I thought I deleted the post, but apparently nothing gets deleted in Google Reader.  So the purpose of this post is to replace that post still floating around RSS Feedville.  I have deleted all of the content that was hurtful to some and left a picture of Jennifer Lopez as Selena, because that is one of my favorite movies.  I was truly impressed that Selena didn't speak Spanish until she was a teenager and went on to be world famous singing songs in Spanish!

The deal was this: I made light of instances where it would have helped if I had known how to speak Spanish, such as when I went to order a cake and no one spoke English in the bakery.  Let's just say my Spanish didn't quite cut it and there was a tractor on the cake where there should have been a guy playing golf.

I can see why my post would have offended some, as, looking back, I was making stereotypical references.  The references were situations that I have actually been in recently, but that doesn't matter.  It wasn't sensitive on my part. 

Let me just make it clear: I don't care if you speak only Spanish, only English or are bilingual.  Everyone has different life circumstances and it is not my place to say you should speak one language or another.  I do like that some at least speak English, so that you can read this blog. :)

I have received some angry messages, tweets, etc. from people that have decided to unfollow for this post.  From deep down, please know that I never, ever meant to hurt anyone.  Three of my bridesmaids know Spanish.  My best friend since 4th grade speaks Spanish, as does her husband.  We are actually going on vacation in a few weeks to visit them in Arizona.  One of my best friends in college is fluent in Spanish, majored in Spanish and works in a prestigious position translating to Spanish speakers.  I LOVE trying to speak Spanish and interacting with people of all cultures.

Shame on me for offending you.

I leave you with a few pictures that I included in the post, just to make it somewhat worth your while for stopping by...


Me raising the flag at Pancho's Mexican restaurant,
one of my favorite past times.


When I think of Pancho's, I think of the 80's.  We always ate there.  I don't think
much has changed at this Pancho's since the 80's. 
We had orange and green walls in our house in 1979.

That dessert stand makes me think of Three's Company. 
Where's Jack, Janet & Crissy?




________________________________________________________________________

TODAY'S JUICE IN THE CITY DEAL
For Houston

Learning Spanish is such a wonderful thing to do!  Teaching your children to speak Spanish is even more awesome.  For $87, you can have a FULL week of a half-day Spanish daycamp in the Katy area.  If you live close, I would soooooo snag that deal.  Go HERE to get it!!


Name That Job #5!

We are switching things around this week and playing "Name That Job" today instead of Friday.  It has been so much fun playing this silly game this summer!  I do intend to play a time or two before the summer is over, but this is the last one for a little while.  If you are interested in being featured, please let me know by e-mailing me via the "Contact Me" tab in the navigation bar above.
This is a multiple choice test.  Please take your time.  In most cases, you are guessing which one IS true.  If you want to know more about the person, just click on their blog's name.  I apologize for running out of scantron forms and blue books.  You will just have to mentally keep track of your answers and check them with the Answer Key at the bottom of the page.  I had to fire my Teaching Assistant recently given the tough economic times, so you will have to grade the test yourself.  Sorry, man!




#1: Jill with Scary Mommy
A) Scooped ice cream & made the best sundaes EVER
B) Directed fashion shoots
C) Designed Anthropologie stores
D) All of the above












#2: Kimberly with All Work and No Play Makes Mommy Go Something Something

A) Waitress at a Chinese restaurant ("I see that you've taken a sip of your water. Can I refill your glass sir/madame?")
B) Full-time babysitter extraordinare ("Jimmy, get off the glass table or I'm locking you in the closet till your Mom gets home.")
C) Activity co-ordinator at a nursing home ("Bingo anyone? No, John, I will not rub the corns on your feet.")
D) Cashier at a drugstore ("Paper or plastic? Did you just buy a box of douche? Awkward.")




#3: Kelly with  Mom Got Blog

WHICH ONE IS NOT TRUE?
A) Port-A-Potty marketing manager & salesperson
B) Model for a local department store's commercials (also was a live mannequin at Macy's)
C) "Cast Member" at a Disney store
D) Lifeguard









#4: Jesse with Not Worth Mentioning
 A) Tap dancer with local musical theater company
B) Copywriter
C) Garden house plant waterer
D) Both B & C












#5: XLMIC with Taking It On

A) Sports coach for a National Championship-winning rowing team
B) Coat check girl that pulled in more tips than the cocktail waitresses & bartenders
C) Cage cleaner at the Philadelphia Zoo
D) All of the above








#6: MommaKiss

A) Intern for a professional golf tournament
B) Auditor for KPMB
C) Investment banker
D) All of the above











#7: Ilana with Mommy Shorts

WHICH ONE IS NOT TRUE?
A) Freelance creative director in advertising
B) Created TV commercials for OREO
C) Motivational speaker (she once opened for Tony Robbins!)
D) Clothes folder at GAP (she was fired before moving up to cashier)







#8: Ali with My Suitcase Full of Tricks


A) Perfume saleswoman at a rolling kiosk in the mall
B) A balloon artist that dressed as a clown for children's parties
C) Ear piercer at Claire's
D) Running shoe designer










#9: Melinda with Finding The Humor

A) Packer on an assembly line for a plastic bottle company
B) Advertiser & marketer for an electronics manufacturer of military communications equipment
C) UPS Customer Service call center operator answering questions like, "Where are the shoes I ordered?!"
D) All of the above











#10: ME! with Kelley's Break Room

A) Speech pathologist for a cancer hospital & local school district
B) An "associate" with Fuddrucker's ("Half-pound or fourth? How would you like that cooked?  Are you going to eat all of that?")
C) Snack bar worker at a skating rink (specialized in cleaning old cheese out of the nacho cheese dispenser)
D) All of the above

 









ANSWER KEY: 1d, 2b, 3a, 4d, 5d, 6d, 7c, 8c, 9d, 10d

How did you do?


Loving Luby's

Many times over the past year, I have written parodies of that REALLY BIG BEER COMPANY's (I was instructed by them NOT to use their name) famous line of commercials that honor "Real Men of Genius", except I honor women.  If you click on the "Today, We Salute You..." tab in the navigation bar, you can see all of the women I have saluted so far.  It is time to salute a new one! 

One of my most popular song parodies was the one that honored the ladies that work at Luby's Cafeteria, a popular cafeteria chain down here in Texas.  I am sure that there are similar cafeterias all over the country (but surely not NEARLY as good!).  We all know about cafeteria ladies!

Go HERE to read my song honoring Ms. Luby's Cafeteria Worker & Food Scooper.

Somehow this song came across the desk of a regional manager of Luby's.  She contacted me to say that it made her laugh!  It made my day!  She offered to send me a gift certificate and one of their cookbooks.  I was SO excited the day that I received those gifts from them!  To show my gratitude and to try out the recipes, too, I did a series of "Lovin' Luby's" posts where I made some of their recipes to share on this blog.  Below are links to the recipes for anyone that is interested in really, really good food!







Mmmmmmm!!!!!!!!!


(Life will be back to normal around here tomorrow...)


My Nickelodeon Posts

In May 2011, I wrote this tweet about Tears for Fears:
"Know what Tears for Fears?  Everybody DOESN'T want to rule the world, so quit acting like you know everything." 
By coincidence, an editor for Nickelodeon had a friend that had written a tweet about Tears for Fears.  She read her friend's tweet & then did a search for other Tears for Fears tweets and saw mine.  She eventually contacted me and asked if I would like to write for them!  I then begin writing for ParentsConnect and wrote these posts below:




13 Baby Names You Might Want To Be Careful Of, 6.20.11


Car Names That Make Great Baby Names, 6.27.11



Pirate Baby Names, 7.5.11


 
 

 
I now primarily write for NickMom. The collection of my posts over there can be found HERE. There are LOTS and LOTS of funny posts over there by some awesome writers. I promise you'll laugh! 



The -een Names

Just about all of my life, I have been fascinated with the variety of Southern names for women that end with "een".  The creativity of parents across the land, especially those in the 30s, 40s and 50s, to put a new spin on the names that end this way both amazes me and makes me smile.  So, I put a little list together, thanks to the help from the readers of this blog and my Facebook friends, that goes a little something like this...

The 1989 Steel Magnolias bunch: M'Lynn, Truvy,
Ouisie, Annelle, Clairee & Shelby.  No "-een"s?!? 
I know they at least had friends that ended in "een"! 

Abilene
Alene
Ambereen
Angeleen
Bernadine
Caroleen
Chaneen
Charleen
Christine
Claudine
Colleen
Coreen
Darlene
Deneen
Earline
Eileen
Ernestine
Evangeline
Faline
Florine
Francine
Georgine
Geraldine
Grenadine
Gurleen
Harleen
Imogene
Irene
Jacqueleen
Juleen
Johleen
Johnine
Jolene
Josephine
Josheen
Justine
Kathleen
Kayleen
Keithleen
Laleen
Lolene
Lorene
Lurlene
Maeeen
Marcelline
Marcine
Marlene
Maudeen
Maureen
Maybelline
Nadine
Pagene
Pantene
Pauleen
Rayleen
Rogene
Rolleen
Sandrine
Shaneen
Sharleen
Shayleen
Shireen
Verleen
Wylene


Know any more?  Tell me!  Tell me!


Name That Job

In the summer of 2011, we played "Name That Job", where 8-10 bloggers told me their real job and we all had to guess which one of the four options fit that blogger. It was a multiple choice test and we played it several times. It was a lot of fun!

Duringthe fall of 2012, we started it back again with game #5 below. It has progressed to now only including five bloggers at a time and we play every other week. This gives me an opportunity to tell you more about each blogger, which I love to do.

Most games from now on will also include a giveaway of some sort. If you are interested in being a part of Name That Job or if you have something that you would like for me to give away, please use the form you will find under the "contact me" tab on my navigation bar or e-mail me at kelleysbreakroom@gmail.com. Thanks!




Game #1 featured...Yeah Good Times, Suz Rocks, @charliallen, Life With The Campbells, Four Plus An Angel, Old Tweener, Handflapping, Jesus and My Orange Juice, Adventures in Estrogren, Neato Vito, Wendi Aarons

Game #2 featured...Kludgy Mom, Absolutely Narcissism, Work Wife Mom...Life, Not Enough Patience & Never Enough Jewelry, Beautiful Soul, The Girls, @coftheu, My Crazy Busy Life, A Professor's Wife, The Desperate Housemommy, Wonder Friend

Game #3 featured... Good Day Regular People, The Blog O' Cheese, Blythe Observations, My Wants This, Funny Or Snot, Vino Baby, Momma Kiss, Wait in the Van, I'm Gonna Kill Him

Game #4 featured... Laundry Hurts My Feelings, Ann's Rants, Mommy of a Monster, The Flying Chalupa, Things I Can't Say, The Suniverse, The LG Report, L8 Enough


Game #5 featured...Scary Mommy, Mom Go Something Something, Mom Got Blog, Not Worth Mentioning, Taking It On, MommaKiss, Mommy Shorts, My Suitcase Full of Tricks, Southern Momentum, Finding the Humor and me

Game #6 featured...Toulouse and tonic, The Fordeville Diaries, There's More Where That Came From, Binkies and Briefcases, Wendy Nielsen: Writing A New Story, The Mom of the Year, Hollow Tree Ventures, People I Want To Punch In The Throat

Game #7 featured...See Vanessa Craft, Let Me Start By Saying, Motherhood, WTF?, My Life and Kids, Mom's New Stage, Honest Mom, Mommy Shorts

Game #8 featured...Linnell Media Group, According to Mags, Minivan Momma, Katy In A Corner, Janine's Confessions of a Mommyholic

Game #9 featured...Leane Shirtliffe-Ironic Mom, Momma Be Thy Name, A Grace Full Life, Random Ephiphanies of an Imperfectionist, The Everyday Adventures of SuperKate

 


Men Who Cross Their Legs: Are They Telling Us Something?

Ladies usually cross their legs with one leg draped over the other.

   
Like Ms. Pippa-Show-Off-Middleton here.
www.gebutlandli.blogspot.com
Females sometimes rest an ankle on top of the opposite thigh while sitting in a chair, like the redhead below, but, in my opinion, this is more often observed with males. 
Is there anything different between males that sit like this...
http://www.itsuptoyou-nhf.blogspot.com/

and males that sit like those below?  Is it more common to see the draped look with...

Political types like, ahem, Mr. Weiner here,
http://www.tmz.com/

artsy types like Mr. Paquito D'Rivera
http://www.arshtcenter.org/


or suave types that sit in very large wicker chairs?
http://www.lightweightlectern.blogspot.com/

 I know what you're thinking.

Who cares?

Me. I care about trivial things that have no lasting impact on anything or anyone. It really is unfortunate and I realize that.

Does the way a male chooses to cross his legs say anything about that male?  Is he sending out a nonverbal message of some sort?  Is he subconsciously saying he is a confident and successful male and that crossing his legs in the traditional womanly way does not take away from his manhood in the least?  That he can crush you with his pinky if he wanted? 

www.naturallycurly.com


"So, uh, why do you cross your legs like that President Obama? Can I call you "O"? Heh, heh, heh. Do you think you are a Barackstar or something? Heh, heh, heh. OH, by the way, before I forget, can you get me some iced tea? We like iced cold tea down in Texas with lemon and lots of sugar. I am parched. We'll get back to what you were talking 'bout, but, first, can you answer that question?  Do you think you're better than me or something?"

"W, could you focus? Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee are talking about how I attained what yoooooou nevercould: Osama's death. Remember? And, no, you cannot have iced tea right now. IIIIIIIIII don'twanttgetup. I am just too comfortable sitting with one leg draped over the other.  Also, my staff doesn't want to be bothered with your constant tea requests.  Furthermore, you cannot call me "O". That is asinine.  IIIIIIIIf you donotfocus, IIIIII will take that flower arrangement on the coffee table aaaaaaand dump it onyourhead.  Thiiiiiis is something I am preparedto do aaaaaaand very tempted to do aswell."


What do you think?

_______________________________
FYI, my latest post with Nickelodeon's ParentsConnect is up today: Car Names That Make Good Baby Names.  Click HERE to read or click on the top picture in the right sidebar.


Are They Laughing At My Son's Speech?!?

Today I am over at Shell's place, Things I Can't Say, as her "BFF".  This is truly an honor for me, as Shell is someone I very much admire in the blogging community.  She consistently writes great content and is very supportive and encouraging.   She was featured here last week on "Name That Job", which we will play for the final time next Friday (if you are interested in being featured, let me know!). 

If you are new here, stopping over from Shell's place and are interested in reading my latest typical post, you can check out "If Neighborhoods Were Named More Honestly...". 

To everyone else, you know I would LOVE for you to come hang out with me over there and listen to my little story, which contains some silly and some serious (not much) stuff.  If you are not able to make it over there, no worries.  I will just be sure to ask my husband if I can send you this Superman my son painted to give to him for Father's Day as a "Hey, don't worry about it!" gift.




You don't want it?  Not even for the mantle?  How about the closet shelf?  Wow. 

*particularly interesting for any parent of a child with a speech impairment




Moustached Women & You

Please, everyone come on in to the Break Room for our meeting.  So glad you could make it!  There is some space to sit on the floor in front of the vending machine and close to really sweaty Gabe.  Gabe is the new custodian soley responsible for dusting off that lone orange chair you see at the top right of the Break Room.  Please give Gabe a warm welcome, but wash your hands thoroughly after giving him a high five!  Rest assured, we will fire Gabe as soon possible.  Welcome, Gabe!

On today's meeting agenda are THREE things that I wanted to let you know...

#1: My post with Nickelodeon's ParentsConnect is up this week and is called "13 Baby Names With Weird Meanings".  If you are interested in reading it, click HERE.



#2: The smoke alarm in our bedroom chirps ALL DAY AND ALL NIGHT.  My husband has changed the battery but this doesn't fix the problem.  It is probably an electrical issue.  It chirps twice a minute.  We somehow live with it, but when people come over they can't believe we live with that annoying chirping all the time.   This is when I open the trapdoor below them.  I don't like people questioning my decisions.  The trapdoor always, always, always gets stuck which humiliates me and forces me confront my anger issue.  My impulsive actions make me feel really silly for getting so angry.  I try my best to play off "I was trying to shove you into my deep, dark, underground dungeon equipped with only 1/4 of a Vitamin Water, 3 marshmallows, some baby wipes and a ton of sappy Nicholas Sparks books", but it never works.  They never buy it.  I have lost many friends over that smoke alarm.   I know this is an awkward story to share in our work Break Room, but I am hoping to receive your sympathy, a few potted plants, a ton of quarters for that vending machine and lots of gift cards.


#3: Juice in the City in Houston is partnering with Medispa and Nails on the Southwest Freeway to provide $90 worth of Elos Hair Removal for only $45.  If you are quite hairy and it's getting scary, you better buy your Juice In The City deal in a harry.  (Don't you want to throw a pie in my face right now?)  Seriously, you better "harry" and get your deal HERE because there are only 100 of these deals and these people below have already bought them:


http://www.womenwithmoustaches.com/

I lied. 

They love their moustaches.



MEETING ADJOURNED!


If Neighborhoods Were Named More Honestly...

Every single time I pass a neighborhood with a name like "Lakes of Something or Another Village", "Spring-Fed Ocean Creek Sand Dunes Forest Pines" or "Estates of King's That Enjoy Good Wine", I look around and become really suspicious.  Where is that king, huh??  And the wine?   How about the lakes?  Are those REAL lakes??  Don't even get me started about street names.  I think the reason I am so critical of neighborhood and street names is because I am jealous.

I want to be a street namer.

I want to name your neighborhoods.

Neighborhoods, much like apartment complexes, must entice future dwellers with their name.  The name must evoke feelings of calm, peace, nature and relaxation, right?  Even if the name grossly mismatches what you will find behind the welcoming sign, people are drawn to the area.  If your neighborhood is "Mountain Breeze Cove" and there is not a mountain in sight, you will at least FEEL like there is a mountain every time you say your neighborhood's name.  That is what is most important.  Your feelings.  If you are still not sure what I mean, please take a look at the pictures I shot this weekend of some apartment complexes I came across:

Roundhill, huh?  Well, I will see about that!  Here in the Houston area the land is mostly flat everywhere you look, but if you say there is a hill, and a round one at that, I will try to find it.

That's all I found.  I think that really just qualifies as a small mound of dirt with some grass.  Pretty sure "Small Mound of Dirt With Some Grass Townhomes" wouldn't bring the people in droves.

Let's move on.


Doesn't this make you feel like you are right by the ocean?  The water is blue beneath your feet.  See it?  You can count on there being lots of palms right around the sign, if a complex is named this way.  So, my investigation involved trying to locate other palms on the property.

Here's what I found:



Lastly, I present to you this very nice stone entrance that is certainly featured in all of the apartment guides in the Houston area.


"Honey!  Let's go check out THIS place!  I bet they have a beautiful park and stone EVERYWHERE!!   I am so excited to check it out.  Here we go, here we go...we're almost there..."


"Honey?  Where's the stone?"

The streets and neighborhoods I would name would be very honest. In my neighborhood, I would call them all "Street One", "Street Two" and so on until the streets were populated. After everyone moved in on Street One, for example, I would then either poll the house or just stake them all out to see what information I could gather.

Uh-huh. Alright. The inhabitants of 300 Street One are a nice little family with two young kids. Next door at 302 is a seedy-looking man with two dogs. Down the street at 311 is an older woman with 15 cats. I would scribble all of these observations down in my Trapper Keeper and then start daydreaming about the most appropriate name for that street. Given that one name coudn't certainly not fit all, I would probably settle for changing Street One to "Furball Way" or "Cat Court" or "Seedy Street". My ideas are endless on this one, so let's just switch to neighborhood names now.
Yes, in my neighborhoods and streets, people, you will know what you are in for as soon as you see the sign.  There will be no trickery involved.  Here are a list of some of my up and coming developments:

POWER PLANT PINES
(This will be a large development in the chemical plant area of town.)

COOKIE CUTTER COURT
(This will be absolutely EVERYWHERE, so I will likely name it I, II, III, etc.)

THE MEDIOCRE MANSIONS
(There are mansions and then there are MANSIONS, youknowwhati'msayin? This one just distinguishes one from the other...)

RETENTION POND LAKES
(I am going to petition to get just about every neighborhood with the name "lakes" in it to change to this name so that people moving from far away know what kind of lakes we're talking about here.)

SIDEWALK SPRINGS
(So many neighborhoods brag about their "green belt" when mostly it is just a sidewalk between tall fences.  I am just keeping it real.)

CRACK-FIEND COVE
(Don't move here!  This is not safe for your children!)


I think I will probably have a slow start with my neighborhoods, so I will probably keep writing this blog in the meantime.  I know you hate to hear that.


Name That Job #4


Below you will find people you know and some people you don't.  Either way, what you will discover is sure to make you smile.   If you would like to be included in this little summer game, let me know.

LET'S PLAY!!

**Click on the blog name to connect more with these awesome people!**


#1: JOANN with Laundry Hurts My Feelings

A) Sign holder for a "If You Sell Your Gold Anywhere Else You'll Lose Money" company
B) Tire rotator & oil changer at National Tire & Battery
C) Hostess for a hunting club where she had to flirt with lots of men to influence them to spend money at auctions
D) Owner of a haunted house that operates every September & October





#2: NATALIE with Mommy of a Monster



A) Matchmaker at a high-end dating agency
B) Tanning salon owner (she HATED wiping down those stinkin' beds!)
C) Choreographer for high school drill teams & cheerleading squads (she can still do the splits!)
D) Door-to-door vacuum salesperson






#3: TARJA from The Flying Chalupa

Which one is NOT true??
A) Emcee for a comedy show
B) Publishing house saleswoman who schmoozed with John McCain, Bill Clinton & Jane Fonda
C) Director of a children's theater summer camp (famous for their raucous rendition of "The Three Amigos").
D) Straightener saleswoman at a mall kiosk





#4: ANN from Ann's Rants

Which one is NOT true?
A) Wrote in a real journal all day as a temp in Chicago (and wasted 2 perfectly good blog years!)
B) Worked as a PA on "Relic Hunter" and had to massage Tia Carrere's cuticles
C) Nearly missed being the "spokesbeast" for Hair Today, Gone Tomorrow
D) Got paid to sit near Bruce, Demi, Rumer & Scout at the Four Seasons Hotel pool




#5: SHELL from Things I Can't Say


Which one is NOT true?
A) Worked at a dog walking/grooming company called "The Dogg Pound" in college
B) Cheerleading coach
C)Target cashier
D) Teacher (3rd, 5th, 6th AND 8th!)







#6: CARY & DIANE from Quirk Out

Which one is TRUE about Cary (left)?
A) Worked in the department responsible for finding odd talent (like, dancing dogs or something) on "The David Letterman Show"
B) Worked in the Research Department for "The Oprah Winfrey Show"
Which one is TRUE about Diane (right)?
C) Director of PR for a local news station
D) Body builder





#7: SUZAN from The Suniverse


A) Sign holder for a road construction crew
B) Cocktail waitress at a Country & Western bar in Santa Fe
C) Beeper sales woman
D) Seamstress specializing in all sorts of really sweet pillows, like the one picture on the left






#8: LAZARUS from The LG Report

(Mr. Arm here helped with the creation of these choices. Gotta
give the dude credit when it's due. Ha!)
 
A) Commercial insurance consultant for Fortune 1000 companies
B) Interned in the summer of 2010 managing Congressman Anthony Weiner's Twitter account
C) Spent 2 years as custodian/stylist of Donald Trump's toupee collection
D) Custodian responsible for cleaning out Kelley's Break Room's fridge every Friday at 6 p.m.







#9: ALEX from Late Enough


A) Cashier at a local luncheonette (she couldn't handle being a waitress)
B)  Dental hygienist (worked with multiple celebrities, including Steve Martin & that "bearded lady" guy on "The Wedding Singer")
C) Residential counselor at a group home (had to thank a 12-year-old girl for not beating her up)
D) Both A & C







Which one is NOT true?
A) Barista at Starbucks
B) Registered Nurse on an Addictions & Mental Health Unit
C) Cocktail waitress (danced on top of the bars!)
D) Alternated between ferris wheel operator & weight/age guesser at an amusement park







ANSWER KEY: 1C, 2A, 3D, 4B, 5A, 6B & C, 7B, 8A, 9D, 10D

How did you do??


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