I need an inner ear upgrade. Stat.

Back when there were only two people that read this blog (one being my friend "PJ" and the other being my imaginary friend), I wrote a post about something embarrassing that happened to me as a result of my dingdang hearing loss.  Embarrassing stuff always happens as a result of that, but this one was really bad. If I had it more on the ball, I wouldn't be repeating this post and would be offering you something new like The Top 5 Vacation Spots For Families That Love Danger and Impromptu Gang Fights (stay tuned for that later!), but, you see, my house is literally tore up from the floor up.  This girlfriend needs to get back to throwing away and wiping off lots of stuff all over the house.  So, I leave you with this post. The words in orange print are totally TRUE, but I might have exaggerated a teeny-tiny bit on the actual narrative. 

The background of this post is that I used to test children's developmental language skills via standardized measures.  When I sat down with this sweet three-year old girl for testing, at some point I asked her what she was learning in preschool.  This was our conversation.  Kind of.

Me: So, what are you learning about in preschool right now?

The 3-year-old: PARENTS.

Parents, huh? Oh, my! Parents are great, aren't they? Parents DO understand. Don't listen to Will Smith! You don't know Will? Anyway, I am a parent myself and I HAVE parents and they have parents. Some people have 2 sets of parents...

Sweet little girl: I said PARIS.

Paris! Oh my goodness! I am SOOO sorry about that misunderstanding. I just LOVE Paris! The only place I have been to outside of North America was Paris. My husband took me there in April 1999. It was wonderful! We had a hideous lamp shaped like the Eiffel tower for a while. The Eiffel tower... Did you know that when I went up that tower for the first time I had a stomach virus? I was crouched in the corner of the elevator as it made it's ascent to the top...

Sweet little girl's mom: E...Ex...Excuse me, miss. She said PARROTS.

"Well, don't I feel dumb! Knock me over the head, why don't you? Someone is going a little cuckoo, huh? Cuckoo! Cuckoo! That's me! One big cuckoo-head! Wow! Okay, parrots. I think PARROTS are a more appropriate topic for children to learn about. I was really snoring when she said "parents" and then I thought "Paris" was so random. What about America? I'm PROUD to be an American where I least I know I'm free, right? Call me Mrs. Greenwood! And I won't forget the men who died and gave that right to me [I'm standing at this point with my hand over my heart and violently swaying back and forth with my eyes closed and my mouth gaping open as I belt out the words]. Wow, look at me go. I just love America, but I also love parrots. I always wanted one but we got parakeets instead. A family friend kicked one over once and gave it a heart attack. Poor little thing died. Hello! Hello! [mocking a parrot's voice while bobbing my head forward quickly like a big, talking, colorful bird]. Polly want a cracker? Polly want a cracker? Hello! Hello! [imagine me heartily laughing at my horrible im-bird-anation while Sweet Little Girl's Mom blankly stares at me]."

Sweet little girl's mom: PIRATES. She said pirates. Like "Ahoy, mates!"


Isn't that just pathetic?  PATHETIC!  But, yeah, that chain of misunderstood words really happened.  No one put hearing aids in my stocking this year, so I will probably have a few more stories for you like this one in 2012, unless I get that inner ear upgrade.  I'm going to Sears tomorrow to see if they have anything along those lines on sale.


Alison@Mama Wants This said... [Reply]

It's a good thing you didn't think she said 'penis'.......

XLMIC said... [Reply]

Maybe little girl's mom should teach her to speak up! I don't have hearing loss and I find myself saying "What's that? Eh?" all the time. I think kids these days need to be louder. Or maybe not...

Abby said... [Reply]

See? If she had simply texted you or commmented on your blog, that would never have been a problem... ;)

mamamash said... [Reply]

Abby wins best comment ever.

My husband has hearing loss too. Our conversations are awesome.

Barfly said... [Reply]

I'm just glad she didn't say "truck" or "sick" or "Delores" . Remember the Seinfeld show?

Annabelle said... [Reply]

buwahaha...sorry, i don't mean to laugh at your "affliction" but that is too funny.

Kimberly said... [Reply]

Oh deafness.
My dad is deaf in one ear...the translations are hilarious.

Shell said... [Reply]


Emmy said... [Reply]

Woops. If the little girl had said pirates in a pirate voice, which ought to be required by law, then all would have been fine.

TaterTotMom said... [Reply]

You don't need a hearing aide... the girl needs a speech therapist. Just kidding.

Saimi said... [Reply]

Ha! Kelley that's hilarious seriously I'm cracking up! I work with special needs children and most of them qualify for speech services, so you see, I'm so on board with what you are saying!!

Too funny!!

Lori @ In Pursuit of It All said... [Reply]

I always say "Paris" when I MEAN to say "pirates."

So it was probably all her fault.

Insomniac #4 said... [Reply]

Wow...your tangents are hilarious. I feel bad for the girl, because it must be really hard for her to communicate sometimes. But I feel equally bad for you. "Parents" does sound like "Paris" and "Parrots" ... but "Pirates"? That's not even close, little girl. An-un-ci-ate!

Also, i was afraid that she had learned about Paris Hilton in school, and you would have to talk about skanky socialite hobags. So, um.....it could have been worse?

Chloe said... [Reply]

That little girl is priceless.

Paige Kellerman said... [Reply]

Hahahahahaha...I think I might have just peed myself a little bit. Oh. My. Gosh. That was one of the funniest things I've read in a long time time. Love this!

Yvonne said... [Reply]

You lost me at "inner ear" I'm so traumatized by my ear infections that reading your title just gave me chills! haha Luckily, I regrouped and read your post. haha This was way too funny! I shared it with my sister!

Paul Tobin said... [Reply]

I know what you mean about hearing loss, I have a hearing aid and before I got it I had many conversations like the one you described.

Cindi said... [Reply]

LoL Kelley.

Who else in our wonderful little world can lead you from Parents to Paris to Parrots to Pirates in one moment. (LoL)

Good luck at Sears and make sure to check with your insurance company to see if aides are covered. Some don't.

Kitty Moore said... [Reply]

I agree with Alison@Mama Wants This - that would have been a whole different level of embarrassment!

Happy New Year x

Julie said... [Reply]

So what I get from this is that it's not a good idea to kick birds...

poor little thing.

Didn't stand a chance after that neighbor kicked it, huh?


kmcaffee said... [Reply]

Haha!! Pirates! I can't hear either and my sweet 3 year old has begun to "parrot" me - "HUH??? Whadja say?" Love it!!

My Inner Chick said... [Reply]

"Little Girl's Mom" can kiss my Butt!!

Xx Funnyyy stuff.

Deborah said... [Reply]


Wonderful wonderful.

I just put on my mascara and now I have to fix it cuz this is so funny!

Post a Comment

Comments make me feel like I'm not talking to the wall. Don't get me wrong. I love talking to walls. Some of my best friends are walls. Still, I like hearing from you, so thanks!

Newer Posts Older Posts Home