The Four Incredibly Different Faces of Santa


12:00 p.m.

“Well, kids, there’s Santa!   Why don’t we wait in this gigantic line so that you guys can tell him what you want for Christmas, huh?  Santa looks so jolly, doesn’t he?  Just like the movies!  Nice full beard.  Round tummy.  Pink cheeks.  This is the real deal, kids!  Hold on…hold on…yes, ma’am?  What did you say?  Oh!  Santa is going on a lunch break.  Okay.  That’s fine.   Well, kids, you know what?  I need to actually go to the other mall for a present that I couldn’t find here.  Santa will be there, too!  That Santa gets around!  Let’s go see him there. We’ll get there fast and, besides, this line extends practically to that mall anyway.”

12:15 p.m.
“Well, there he is, kids.  Yes, you’re right.  It does appear that he has changed clothes.  Aren’t you a smart and observant little thing?  Well, you know, Santa may have gotten some of that Kung Pao Chicken from the Chinese place at the Mall Food Court all over his coat.  He probably has a few different coats, kids.  Not to worry.  He’s the real deal, too.  Well, yes, you’re right.  He is a little skinnier than he was just 15 minutes ago when we saw him at the other mall.  Maybe he drank a Diet Coke and those “diet” drinks work really fast on someone as magical as Santa.  I wish I were Santa!  I’d drink about 5 Diet Cokes right now, youknowwhatI’msayin?  You don’t?  Okay.  Well, anyway, let’s wait here.  Ma’am?  Ohhhhhhh.  I see.  Santa has gotten a headache from all of the crying kids and is taking a break?  Okay.  Well, kids, let’s scoot out of here to another shopping center.  Maybe Santa is going there to buy his medicine and we can be first in line after he comes out of the drug store.  We’ll just follow him around until he sits down and then I’ll throw you two on his skinny lap.”

12:35 p.m.
“Looks like he’s already sitting down, kids!  Here is headache-free Santa.  We will stand in line to see him if it takes all day.   What, son?  Oh, my, you’re right.  It appears that Santa has really, really grown much larger than he was just 20 minutes ago at the mall.  Why, yes, you’re right.  His legs are much, much, much wider.   Are you pretending to be a detective, son?  You ‘re only 3!  Maybe you’re a little young to be choosing a career!!  Maybe you need to stop being so critical!!!  Well, really, I can explain this one.  Before he flew over to this mall with his reindeer and his sleigh, he went back for seconds of that Kung Pao chicken, because sometimes you get a headache from not eating enough.  So, after getting more Kung Pao chicken, he decided to get an egg roll, fried rice, slice of pizza, cookie, large regular Coke, sub, corn dog and some Dippin’ Dots.  Just like the Diet Coke worked wonders for him within seconds, well, all of that food piled on the pounds within seconds.  So, yeah, that’s what that’s all about.  Hold on, kids.  Ma’am?  This Santa has had enough of “all of this kid crap” and needs a nap?  Is that right?  What about my pictures???   I need Santa pictures!!!!  (Deep sighs.) Okay, kids, I bet I know the place where Santa is going to go when he wakes up from his nap.  Let’s drive over there. I PROMISE, this is the LAST place we will go.  I just KNOW Santa will be wide awake, well-fed, happy and smiling by then.”
12:50 p.m.
Hanalei's Santa Claus Close Up

 “Finally!  Well, look at that!  Santa appears to be feeling much better!  He is smiling and looks like he isn’t hungry right now.  Let’s wait  in this line.  Swe…sweet…sweetie, no, no more observations.  Nope, nope…Mommy can’t hear you.  That’ll be enough.  Okay, okay, yes, I can hear you now.  Drop the dingdang volume, son.  Okay, what was that? You think Santa looks really different than he did before his nap?  Well, naps have a  way of transforming a person!  They really do, son.  They really, really do.

SANTA!!!  We are so happy to see you!!!”

If you have kids, do they ever notice the different Santas?  What do you tell them?  Did you ever notice them when you were younger?


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