Sing to the tune of the Real Men of Genius commercials from B-dwesier. For more of these salutes, click on the “Today We Salute You” tab in the navigation bar.
KELLEY’S BREAK ROOM presents…
REAL WOMEN OF GENIUS
(Overly Dramatic 80’s Background Singer Guy: Reeeeeeallllllll Women of Geniuuu-uuuus!!!)
Today we salute YOU, Ms. Generic-Halloween-Store-Worker!
|Your back-up Lily Munster costume.
Every year you look forward to September 15th when “Halloween Store” opens in the old strip center near your house (near that Linens ‘N Things that went out of business) so you can make some extra money. Extra money that will help put food on the table, buy enough Almond Joys and Kit Kats to give you a clogged artery in a single sitting, allow you to work your nightly gig as “Scary Mary” at the haunted house outside of town because you are kind of a super freak (super freak! You’re super freak-eh!) and give you the chance to people watch, which you absolutely, positively love.
(Why are all of these weird people buying fish net stockings?!?!?!)
As you rearrange the evil baby display you so lovingly designed just hours before, you see children tearing up the fake microphones on aisle 4, a toddler screaming at the sight of Frankenstein on aisle 15 and another group of teenage girls ruining the Lady Gaga wigs on aisle 8. It is enough to make you want to chase them all with a fake machete, or maybe even a real one, but you know you must smile through it all.
As you make your way to the front of the store through a maze of screaming ghouls, gigantic pumpkins, gargantuan tombstones, Michael Myers and lots and lots and lots and lots of fake spider webs, you see a small child standing in line excited to buy his Super Mario costume. Even though it was his mom that knocked over the pyramid of witches cauldrons just moments before, you happily take his costume to the register and give him a wink. Second to your discounted Big League Chew and unlimited access to tons of bouncy balls to play with when the store gets slow, kids like him are the reason you love “Halloween Store” the way you do.
(If no one else is dressing up with you,
can I be Luiiii-heeeee-jehhhhh???)
Although Super Mario’s mom shot down your idea to dress as a short Italian man in green overalls with a very, very dark and thick moustache, especially since you are a stranger that works in a scary store and moonlights at a haunted house, you don’t let that sort of thing let you down. You have a Lily Munster costume anyway. Your can-do attitude and ability to put up with all of us at this time of year with our questions about face paint, yellow teeth, fake blood, party plates, different sizes and wigs is why today we salute YOU, Ms. Freestanding-Halloween-Store-Worker!
(Where DO you work during the rest of the year, anyway?)