PREZ Candy Dispensers.
Now, I am fully prepared to be sued over this one. I have $50 in my Savings Account set aside to fight the legal battle. To me, it is worth it. So, on this Labor Day weekend, I want to introduce these amazing little candy machines and start taking orders.
PREZ Grover Cloveland will, of course, be the first President to receive a candy dispenser in his honor as Labor Day was all his idea. According to Wikipedia, THE on-line source for all truth and knowledge, “The first big Labor Day in the United States was observed on September 5, 1882, by the Central Labor Union of New York. It became a federal holiday in 1894, when, following the deaths of a number of workers at the hands of the U.S. military and U.S. Marshals during the Pullman Strike, President Grover Cleveland reconciled with the labor movement.”
So, please, take a minute to decide which one you’ll buy first:
PREZ Grover will come with an assortment of candy colors, including white, black, tan and yellow, as the Labor Movement represented all colors of the human race.
PREZ Obama will come with green candies to represent all the money he spends, of course.
PREZ Nixon will come with silver candies to represent his jail cell due to the unfortunate Watergate incident. His candy dispenser will also double as a very small water gun for an extra reminder.
PREZ Lincoln will come equipped with an assortment of light, medium and dark brown candies to represent all of the slaves he helped to free after the Civil War.
PREZ Taft was the largest President ever, so he will come equipped with 20 packs of candies (the others only come with 1).
PREZ Reagan’s candies will all be red to represent his fight against Communism and the Cold War.
PREZ Washington will come equipped with only cherry flavored candies to represent that cherry tree he claimed to have not chopped down. We’ll never know for sure!
PREZ Carter will come with candies because this very, very, very, very peaceful man would have given all of his away. (Alternate: white candies to represent his teeth.)
Listen, folks, I could go on. And on and on and on. It’s what I do. I keep going on with an idea until you are ready to knock me over the head with a frying pan. (My next idea? PREZ Ford, but his candy dispenser would have been broken because he was a clumsy president who was always tripping or something.) These are the first PREZ Candy Dispensers that will be hitting the stores this Labor Day Weekend. Please buy as many as possible before Pez arrests me and I have to stop production!!!