I was held up in a tea store. Practically.

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They had tea flowers swaying back and
forth like this one in mugs in that tea store.
I just stared at them.  A long time.   

I will sample anything- food, drinks, perfume…

So, when I saw some people handing out samples of tea at the mall, I got all excited.  Tea.  How delightful!  A quick little gulp of some flavored tea was just what I needed in the mall at that moment.  In fact, as I passed all the stores I couldn’t look inside due to having my kids with me, I thought, “You know, I’m REALLY in need of a teeny-tiny sip of tea.  I sure wish someone was handing out really, really teeny-tiny sips of tea…”

And there they were handing out teeny-tiny sips of tea with charming smiles spread across their faces in front of their very hip & trendy store.

“Sure, I’ll take a sip of your hot tea in a thimble.  Thanks!”

Oh, it’s never that easy. 

I sip it.  I like it.  I ask the obligatory questions.

“So, what is this called again?  Strawberry kiwi tea, huh?  Sounds refreshing!”

Verrrrry enticing, isn’t it?  Don’t
stare too long or that tea will
hypnotize you and take
 all your money.
www.teavana.com

I like iced tea better.  They must know there are lots of  people like me because the free samples of the flavored iced tea are deeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep inside the store (like, SIX steps from the entrance.)

“Do you have any iced tea made?”

“Yes!  Would you like to come inside the store with me?”

“Sure, I’ll walk behind you like a rat with a very, very low IQ that is trapped in a maze while gazing at your fancy tea pots, being impressed by your swimming flowers, looking in awe at your various mugs and try to remember where tea originated (India?  China?  England?) so I can appear sophisticated in case you give me a pop quiz and THEN I’ll try your blueberry-strawberry tea.  Mmmm!!!  This is GOOD!”

Tea Lady goes on to tell me that that awesome blueberry-strawberry tea is actually a combination of two different types of tea.  She pulls out her fancy, large, hat-shaped boxes of tea and shows me the two different kinds.  The blueberry kind and the strawberry kind.  The tea looks like potpourri.  If you didn’t want to drink it, you could display it in a glass jar or something.  It was just beautiful!  I wanted to scoop it up over and over in my hands while laughing hysterically over having found such a treasure!

“Oh, sure, I’ll take both kinds of tea.  It’s tea after all! SIGN ME UP!  How expensive can tea be?  I’ll take all I can hold!  Gooooooooooooo TEA!!!!  Tea! Tea! Tea!”

She gets two $7 small canisters out and fills them up separately.  She tells me these canisters will keep my tea fresher longer and that I can refill them for less.

“Oh, no problem!  I like fresh tea!  Stale tea can take a hike, huh??  Fill those babies up!  I can’t wait to sit around and drink potpourri.  This is AWESOME!”

“Okay, ma’am, that will be $85 for everything.”

“Eighty-five dollars?!  You’re trying to rob me, aren’t you?  Where’s your mask?  The gun?  You’re really asking me to give you $85 for iced tea.  Are you kidding me?  For tea?!  For real?”

“Yes, $85, but you get the two canisters that you can refill.  Also, you’ll need to buy our special tea brewer that will sit so nicely on top of our special mugs.  So, $105.”

“$105 for tea?!?!”

“Yes, ma’am, but our tea is very, very fresh.  We use only the best.  You can see there are actually dried blueberries in there and dried strawberries!  You can see them yourself!”

“$105 for tea?”

“Yes, ma’am.”

“105 for tea??”

“Yes, ma’am.”

“Uh, yeah, my you just said I had to pay $85 or $105 for TEA.  I can buy tea for $5 at the grocery store.”

“Well, THAT tea isn’t nearly as good and goes bad very quickly.”

“What if I just take the blueberry tea?”

“Well, that won’t be nearly as good.  You won’t get the blueberry-strawberry tea flavor that you sampled just a minute ago.” (Shows me her real sour, disgusted face.)

“I don’t care.  Give me just the blueberry tea.”

“Uhhhh, okay.  Well, (click-clack-click-clack), that will be…$65.”

“Sixty-five dollars for tea?!”

“Yes, ma’am, but remember our tea is fresh.”

“I don’t care about fresh.  I’m not paying $65 for tea!  How about half of that?”

“Alright.  That’ll be $45, but you’ll also need the tea brewer and special mug.”

“You can keep your special mug.  I am not taking that mug.  I’ll find something that will work.  Also?  I don’t need your special canister.  I’m never going to refill that thing here.”

I think I walked out of that fancy tea store with a small brown bag with exactly 3 dried blueberries, a handful of tea leaves and maybe a stray strawberry slice in it, and that dang tea brewer, for a grand total of 40ish dollars.

For tea.


(You would’ve paid the $85, right?)

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