When I was younger, I would get really anxious about two things. The first thing? Peeing on my husband. I'll admit it, I peed in the bed sometimes when I was growing up (all the way up until I was 36. Kidding.). At the age of 4, you would have been able to hear me praying and praying and praying that I would be finished with that wet mess by the time I was married. What would my husband think if a warm wet yellow river tried to engulf him during the night in attempt to carry him off to Pee-Pee Land? He'd divorce me on the spot! He'd be drenching in pee and insist on signing the wet divorce papers right then and there!
The other thing?
Having a baby.
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| This must be Teen Pregnancy C-section Barbie. Is Ken the dad & the doctor? www.oddee.com |
I would have nightmares about having a baby. Every single thing that I experienced growing up would somehow be linked to, "Hey, would that level of pain be the same as having a baby?"
A bad stomachache.
Getting hit by a car.
Being mauled by a T-rex.
Swallowing a bag of glass.
Taking a nap on a campfire.
Enjoying a bowl of nails and staples soup.
Rolling off a roof into a pond of pitchforks.
Would these things feel the same as having a baby, in a pain scale sort of way?
My mother would always say, "Oh, sweetheart. It hurts while it's happening, but you just forget the pain" to which I would think something along the lines of...
HOGWASH!!
(I was hanging around my grandmother a lot then. That's probably where I got that...)
My mom used to watch soap operas and I would see those sweating, panting, screaming women having babies on that show every episode. Babies were popping out all over As the World Hospital, Guiding Turns, the Bold and the Restless. You know the ones.
That's why I got my epidural going in about the 3rd grade. I wasn't messing around with that "sometimes the epidural doesn't work mess". Hook me up with that epidural right now, School Nurse! You can wait just a dingdang minute, Ms. Stanfield! I gotta get this epidural going and THEN I'll work on my math facts!
It was really hard playing kickball and being in dance and trying to pull my weight in tug-of-war when I couldn't feel the lower half of my body.
I tell you what, sister. It was worth it.
In 2004, my oldest son wanted to make his debut. He weighed 8 pounds. For a good half of the labor, I was asleep. My water broke at 10:00 p.m. and I was asleep around 1:30ish, if not before. He was born at 9:00 the next morning. I DID feel the labor pains (that School Nurse from 1983 needs to learn to give better epidurals!!) and I DO remember them. I mean, the memory is a little fuzzy, but I DO remember that I wasn't liking them one bit.
Since I needed my sensation in my legs to keep up with my baby, I didn't get that second epidural started until just before my second son was born. He weighed 9 pounds, 4 ounces. It was bliss once it kicked in. Bliss, bliss, bliss.
I know a lot of you basically squeezed watermelons out of your earring hole without even wincing and all of that. I fully realize that. If you are one of those, just don't tell my husband.
He thinks having a baby can't really hurt "that bad".
What do you say, homies? Whether you have kids or not, whether you are a male or a female and whether you think epidurals were crafted by demons or angels, I want to hear your perspective. What would you tell my husband if he said,
"Having a baby can't hurt THAT bad. I mean, I know it hurts, but you know the pain isn't going to last forever. Isn't it something you just endure and then it's over?"
39 comments:
I would like to be there to tell you husband, while squeezing the crap out of his balls, that it doesn't hurt that much. Then give him a break for about 30 seconds and then squeeze again. We'll see how long he could stand the pain.
All I can say is, thank goodness for epidurals.
I have no idea if it hurt, I demanded an epidural at 12 weeks.
I imagine it must do though as the woman in the other delivery room was screaming for her husband's balls.
Your husband must have had some liquid courage before uttering such dangerous words?!?
I survived labor and delivery without an epidural. And when you're right there in the middle of it... you think there is no possible way something can hurt that bad. And then the NEXT contraction comes. And you realize that you were wrong.
Umm no... you don't just kind of forget it. Ultimately you pack it away into a part of your brain that stores the survival amnesia (along with the memories of any incidents involving toddlers and Sharpies). You do it because you fall in love with the priceless thing you created - and because you forgive the guy who stuck it in there :)
I attended Lamaze classes and had both my kids without drugs. The first one was really easy; he weighed 6 and 1/2 lbs. and I never even got to push. He practically walked out. The second was a little more challenging, partly because I was exhausted from chasing an 18 month old boy around every day, and partly because he weighed over 8 lbs. But I survived. I know I was very lucky, and most moms to get off that easily.
Yes, of course, your husband is right - it doesn't hurt that bad. Tell him that the next time he has to poop, he should try imaging it coming out at 400x the size and from his front end. And then he should think about just enduring it until it passes. Yup, doesn't hurt too bad!!! :)
I'm in the 'it didn't hurt that bad' camp. I had an epidural with #1 and went unmedicated for #2 and #2 resulted in a LOT less pain. Especially postpartum.
Until he's had a tear, episiotomy and stitches down there, then he should just refrain from all talking.
No, not too bad. If someone grabbing the lower half of your body and WRINGING IT OUT doesn't hurt too bad. And a c-section? Well, the second one I had, I FELT. I felt them slicing me open until I yelled so much that they knocked me out. The third c-section? Easy peasy.
And the pain from natural or sliced-open labor does go away. In about six weeks. If you're lucky.
Good one Kelley! I tell him it's probably a lot like squeezing a grapefruit through his unit. That usually gets him everytime.
3 kids, no pain meds, lightning fast labors here (I've been in labor less than 10 hours, total, in my life - and my kids are not multiples). There is such a thing as TOO fast, by the way. With #2 I went from 3 cm to "it's a girl" in one hour, nine minutes.
For me, labor hurt, but it wasn't unbearable. It was hard work. Even though I was lying in bed, it felt like I was running a marathon. I was weary (it was the middle of the night, all three times, too). I can't imagine what the weariness must be like for someone with average/normal length labors. After 3 hours I was beat. 24 hours would have killed me (then again, there would have been more time to obtain drugs).
Once the babies were out, though, I got a hormonal rush that kept me awake, literally, for 36 hours. That part was kind of awesome and sucky at the same time.
The worst part, for me, was always the crowning. That burned. Like an "Indian arm burn" on your cervix. But pushing was a relief. My abdomen stopped hurting once I started pushing, in all 3 cases.
I really hated pooping on the table and farting while I was pushing. That was embarrassing, even though I was in La La Labor Land.
I think you need to kick your husband in the junk and ask him to "just endure" it because it won't last "forever." Gah. My husband would be sleeping on the couch for a comment like that!
I have four kids. Varying sizes.
I'd liken it to crapping hot glass. Because not only does it hurt in the girly parts, but one's rear end takes the brunt of the pushing.
What's really fun is if you have a big baby, 27 hours of labor, two hours of pushing, and then end of with hemorrhoids. Because then you get to relive the absolute AWESOMENESS of the pain over and over and over, for weeks, every time you use the bathroom.
Yeah, I'm going with the "pond of pitchforks" measure on the scale. Because, DAMN. Apparently it affected my brain as well as my ya-ya because I did it again 4 years later. DAMN all over again.
Cod bless the spinal tap.
I endured for as long ai could, to keep things moving along. But I had no shame in tapping out when I couldn't take it any more. That's what all that medical business is there for.
Well, my comfort and the extremely fragile little life yourre bringing into the world.
Right, hubs.
This from the man who was a woman in a past life, so he TOTALLY gets it.
Cut him some slack, Jacqueline.
I had two epidurals - the pain was from being scared to DEATH, being uncomfortable and embarrassed - then after the epidural wore off the pain was extruciating - and this is a girl who cannot swallow a pill. Also b/c of that, I have a VERY high tolerance for pain - yesterday I seared my skin with the curling iron - a 3" sear on the inside of my arm (don't ask) and didnt even notice until I got in the car.... the third baby was natural because I wasn't allow to have an epidural b/c they had done it wrong on the last one and I had PAINFUL headaches for two years after. Anyway, THAT pain was the worst pain ever. I felt like a million buck afterward because I endured THE WORST PAIN EVER - this is where men get confused. I feel like I can handle ANYTHING b/c I endured THE WORST PAIN ever.
I didn't forget. I still remind my kids every day what hell they put me through.
Is that wrong?
I'm planning on going the celebrity route and scheduling a vanity c-section.
Ask him if he can imagine dilating even 4 cm in his private area! That should get him empathizing.
PS - All but one of mine were natural births because where we lived they didn't offer epidurals or anything. My husband likes to tell how I drew blood digging my fingernails into his arm and how painful that was for him. If there are women in the room they all boo him and tell him to go cry on someone else's shoulder. By child #5 he was finally sympathetic :)
I hemoradged during pregnancy with my oldest daughter...that was painful.
During pregnancy with my 2nd I opted to go with hypnobirthing; not something that is typically my style, but SO glad that I did it. I was big-time amazed...believe it or not -- NO PAIN. Notta. It was (if you ever tell another Momma this I will deny it...heehee) even euphoric. I'm still amazed.
There was some pain afterwards in the area of the ole GLUTEUS MAXIMUS...Cause: my hubby! bwahahaha. Just kidding.
What freaked me out...no one ever told me what releases from the body after the water breaks... Ohmygawd...eewwww!
Pains from contracts were pretty freaking bad...then I got an epidural. LOVED IT. After that giving birth was not painful...just a really cool experience. Then the aftermath hit. The recovery was MUCH worse than the actual delivery for me!
My husband had the balls to take a picture of me, doubled over mid-contraction, right before we left for the hospital. All I have to do is MENTION that pic and he is put in his place.
Once at the hospital, the nice nurse gave me some IV cocktail (made me giggly though I still felt a little) then the wonderful epidural. The anesthesiologist's name was Dr. Feelgood. No lie. I was a little in love with him.
Now if only I had some better drugs for the healing process--ouch!
Cheers.
My mom tried to tell me, "Oh, it just feels more like pressure than actual pain."
My mom apparently didn't have back labor.
That shiz hurt! At one point, I actually wanted to have a natural birth. I really thought my threshold for pain was higher. I guess I thought labor was going to just feel like really bad menstrual cramps or something because I was not prepared AT ALL for the doubled-over-in-pain pain that I actually had.
But then I got the epidural and all was right with the world again. And then I had to have a c-section because apparently I just don't have birthin' hips, and so I got anesthesia on top of the epidural and then I couldn't feel anything at all.
For about seven straight hours.
Bill Cosby once said something like that to his wife and she responded with,- if having your bottom lip pulled up and over your entire head doesn't hurt,then no it doesn't hurt. :P
That Barbie totally frightens me.
So when I was in my Lamaze class with my husband - obviously it was the first child, we dispensed with that nonsense thereafter - one of the other husbands suggested that a labor pain felt like "a bad leg cramp." Our teacher, who was childless, applauded his analogy. "That's it, a bad leg cramp."
Later, as I managed to squeeze my ovoid head through the small rectangular space that was my hospital bed siderail in an effort to distance myself from my own body during back labor, I remembered that man's face. He's still on my hit list.
That Erica Kane made me think giving birth was going to be easy. Full make-up, two pushes, a little "ouch" and the baby was out. My first baby was a nine fiver too, I should have followed your lead and just kept the epidural in place.
Um, it f'ing hurts. All of it. Every single part.
Except the one where you get the baby and forget it hurt.
But everything else. HURTS!!!
I think some of the other commenters have shared MY heart on this important topic.
But I just have to say: that Barbie picture is stinking hilarious. I totally cracked up.
I mean it's just so wrong on so many levels.
No one mentioned at ALL how unfair it is that women have to endure so much pain while the men?
Not a single cramp.
Really.
It's total crap.
But then we get to be the mommies. So.
I'm a man so I will never have to go through this but from what I've heard without drugs it is extremely painful. You moms don't get enough credit for your toughness. We can't imagine what you ladies go through therefore we should not comment.
Ha! An epidural in third grade? BRILLIANT!
I would remind your dear husband of what Bill Cosby said about childbirth. Tell him to pull his lower lip up and over his head and keep pulling. That about covers it.
I know childbirth was painful, but for some reason, I dread the teenage years. I hear that those can be more painful, but unfortunately, there is no epidural for that.
Medical science? Howsabout you get on that?
Heck yeah it hurts! I think it's so's your not tempted to stuff em' back in the toddlerhood or teenage years! LoL
Well, everyone said it was going to hurt, and I thought okay this might hurt but nobody told me I would be picking my asshole up off the floor, twice.
So I've never had a child, but that level of pain scares the hell out of me.
Does your husband know labor takes more than, say, oh I don't know...more than 30 seconds? I can deal with high levels of pain for 30 seconds...no more.
I had a c-section. It was odd, but of course, painless. Kind of felt like I had cheated nature and got away with it. Meh.
This Barbie scares me. It is like some alien birth or something. However, I must say that I wish my hair looked that great when I had my kid. Kudos to you Barbie!
I haven't had any kids, but I do the pain meter thing all the time! There is still a chance I might have a baby, so I want to keep myself prepared that it might hurt more than the cramps I had last week, or the night I dropped the jar on my toe, or when I twisted my ankle but kept on running. My jury is out on the epidural though. I can't decide.
I would tell him to try to squeeze a baby out of any small hole of his body and to get back to me. :) I had 26 hours of labor...and had no epidural...and yeah it hurt like hades. The contractions are like the worst period of your life times 10 and then you have to wait to push when your body is just screaming to push. I was so glad when I did get to push b/c it relieved the contractions...but then of course the pain is back once the head crowns. They call it a ring of fire for a reason!
Hey Kelley!! Sorry, but I agree with the hubs!! I'll try to make this comment as succinct as possible. (If you want to discuss more, just FB me.) I think giving birth has become way too medicalized in the U.S. Everytime you see it on TV or in the movies, it looks like the woman in is excruciating pain. Seeing those images throughout one's life causes unneccessary fear of what should be a beautiful, natural process. (as long as there are no complications) Something like over 90% of women get the epidural in the US. Why is this number so high here? Does it hurt more for American women? How did my grandma give birth without pain meds? She must be superwoman!! Nope, she's just a woman. And women were made to give birth. Our bodies perform beautifully when given the opportunity. I have to admit, I wasn't fearful of giving birth because I educated myself on the process, took a natural birthing class, and decided ahead of time on NO PAIN MEDS unless absolutely necessary. I was in ACTIVE labor for 4 hrs (on ptocin because of early rupture of membranes), and got through it one contraction at a time, leaning over the bed upright (position is extremely impt -- just lying there on your back is a source of unneccessary pain) and breathing through each contraction for the brief few seconds of pain, while Nelson gave me hard counterpressure on my back through every single contraction. Just when I thought I couldn't handle it anymore, not due to pain, but more to sheer exhaustion, I was in transition and ready to push. (I had learned that this was normally the case in birthing class.) The pushing part was not painful at all. Our nurse thought it was the most amazing thing the way Nelson and I worked together in the delivery room. I feel like WE gave birth to our daughter and wouldn't have it any other way. Just my two cents!! Thanks for reading! :)
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