Schlotzsky's makes a sandwich that is after my own heart, pocketbook and loose change. It is my favorite sandwich restaurant. When I see one, my face lights up, my heart starts beating faster and my palms sweat. Because of my devotion to this nationwide chain, I will go through many obstacles to get there. On a recent visit, this is what I saw in the parking lot and you better believe I karate chopped myself through that mess and enjoyed an Original Turkey Sandwich within minutes.
I calmly ordered food for me and my three-year-old while probably shoving a pacifier in baby dude's mouth. I probably made a nice remark to the lady behind me who commented, "Wow! You've got YOUR hands full. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!" and offered encouraging comments to the boys like "We're gonna eat soon!" and "It's almost time!"
We finally finish at the register and make our way over to the window to wait for Sandwich Lady #1 and Sandwich Lady #2 to make our edible works of art. There was no place to sit yet, so I did my best to console my precious boy while holding his infant carrier, holding our chips and cookies and getting lemonade for my three-year-old...all at the same dang time.
That's when Sandwich Lady #2, whose sandwich making skills I was just in the process of admiring, lambasted me this way...
![]() |
| All of the sandwich eaters in that previously crowded restaurant must have fled when The Schlotzsky's Sandwich Nazi started running her mouth. |
She went on to say he was crying too much and we needed to leave the restaurant immediately. Listen to me, readers, and look into my eyes: He was not crying that much or that loud or for that long. I am a mother who is very sensitive to my children and their affect on strangers. He was whimpering and was ready for me to put all of the crap in my hands down and pick him the heck up. The restaurant was LOUD and CROWDED. He wasn't standing out in the crowd. I was NOT receiving mean looks from any of the other patrons. I know the mean looks.
I was furious, humiliated and had a knot in my throat at the same time but somehow was able to blurt out,
"You are so rude! I will NOT leave your restaurant! I will call the Schlotzsky's headquarters. You don't talk to people that way!"
My baby had long since stopped crying by this point, of course.
We somehow ate our sandwiches in that restaurant, but I don't know how. I guess I was able to do it because I knew The Original Turkey Sandwich hadn't done anything to me directly. I fired off an e-mail to Schlotzsky's later that day and posted a message on Facebook telling everyone I knew the story. I encouraged them to never eat at that particular location. The main Schlotzsky's office sent me an apologetic e-mail, informed me that all the restaurants were franchises and individually owned and sent me a $25 gift certificate.
That particular Schlotzsky's now?
It's out of business.

























32 comments:
Good thing you had your Guardian Angel, Billy Ocean, to sing you through the whole ordeal. I SO loved that song..."Get in the backseat, baybeh!"
And good thing you stood up for yourselves. Rudy McRuderton, indeed. I love that they are closed. Nyah, nyah, nyah.
Your illustrations are hillarous, but I'm also remembering all too clearly (even though it's been 11 years now), the anxiety of juggling a fussy baby in a public space and kind of needing other people to be nice to me. Sorry the lady was mean, and glad that Schlotzsky's is closed!
I'm not even a Schlotzsky fan (more of a Subway gal!) but now I have a strong urge to go exercise my freedom to consume this incredible Turkey Sandwich to honor your bravery in the face of Mother/Whiny Child descrimination!! I think we need a National Holiday for this one! :) So proud of my girl!!!
They'd kick me out too, because I can't even prounouce Schlotzsky
I feel like people don't think that babies belong in public, which is ridiculous. And this is from someone who thinks babies are trying to stab people.
Nice work! How rude, indeed.
Hey, I used to go to Schlotzsky's for lunch years ago -- all the time. Great sandwiches and also BBQ pizza.
My location went under, too.
Bitch! Not you....the idiot Schlotzsky's sandwich Ma-hay-ker...hmmmm...I feel a reverse "We Salute You" coming on. Or perhaps you just give the single digit salute.
Kelley you crack me up. Seriously.
And when I win the lotto, I am going to hire you to be my personal photoshop artist. Your skills are awesome.
The Schlotzkys in mt neck of the woods is closed down too. Hmmm. Curiouser and cusiouser.
People can be so selfish! HOW DARE SHE ASK YOU TO LEAVE! WAS SHE NEVER AN INFANT HERSELF? What if someone had asked HER to leave?
why can't we just be a peaceful, accepting poeple? makes me wanna punch her in the throat.
Hmph! So there!
That is just terrible, Schlotzsky's went out of business. Oh and what happened to you that is pretty bad too.
But Schlotzsky's... yum!
The taste of sweet revenge is at least as yummy as the Original Turkey Sandwich. Schlotzsky's prima donna better check herself.
Rage against the machine, there, Kelly!
O...M....G did I just post a comment without the stupid captcha thing?! WOOT!
That made me so mad on your behalf. I cannot STAND when people have no regard for children and their normal - albeit annoying - behavior.
They weren't going to survive without your patronage.
I hope the lava took them out.
I've never even heard of that place--but I'm not a big sandwich eater, so that's PROBABLY why.
And good for you for writing an email to the top guys. I do the same if ever I'm treated rudely. Usually I receive a gift certificate, so that's always nice.
Remember the words "mental case" from when we were in grade school?
Well, she is a "mental case."
They are so dumb! Who names a restaurant something so difficult to pronounce??? Good for you for not leaving! Ugh! How rude!
When you started this, I was sort of hating you for making me crave Schlotzsky's when the one in our town went out of business and is now a Mexican restaurant.
A Mexican restaurant that taunts me- b/c it LOOKS like a Schlotzky's. But, it so is not. I have to drive almost an hour to get one of those fabulous sandwiches of yumminess.
But, REALLY? She told you to get out? Shut up, sandwich nazi! I'm glad you stayed for your sandwich.
I have NEVER heard of anything like that. Babies cry. Adults know this (except for one, apparently). And to think it happened to YOUR sweet family. No wonder they were shut down.
PS I don't know how you create those graphics, but they are always very fun and entertaining.
xoRobyn
Good for you, I love it when people stick it to the man. YOU GO HOME NO LOUD!
Atta girl! Down with food Nazis!
You did exactly what I would have done. Good for you!! Places Luke this make me so angry! Dang sandwich artists.
You should have added "And take your weird olive mash spread and SHOVE IT!"
Jeez. I'm so cheap.
Because everyone else is getting all mad and I'm just thinking, "Totally worth it for a $25.00 gift certificate."
Yep.
I'm one cheap-ass sandwich-lover.
Revenge. Sweet, sweet revenge.
I have forwarded this this post directly to Billy Ocean. (He's my black uncle, not blood related though, that we know about.) He has sway in the sandwich industry, as I'm sure you're well aware.
I just love combing through your posts for the "I'm in stitches" worthy line. And yes, as usual you didn't disappoint – "shoving a pacifier in baby dude's mouth." CLASSIC!
They ran ads in our area but we don't have one. I'm glad you put the bastards out of business.
Kelley, you rock. That's all I have to say.
Oh, how I love a happy ending!
People are insane! Good for you for staying and eating - love that they are out of beeswax.
Funny stuff...fo rizzle
Shawn
Post a Comment
Comments make me feel like I'm not talking to the wall. Don't get me wrong. I love talking to walls. Some of my best friends are walls. Still, I like hearing from you, so thanks!