|Johnny Paycheck, my Weight
Three years ago I sat within the Weight Watchers meeting walls wondering what in the heck happened to me. Part of me knew, as I had just delivered a baby a few months before. Slowly, I was able to leave the four walled prison and was so happy on my last day there. I probably laughed hysterically while belting out my version of Johnny Paycheck’s 1978 hit. For miles around, you could have heard me belting out “TAKE YOUR POINTS AND SHOVE IT!!! I ain’t countin’ points no more. My weight done left and took all the reasons, I was countin’ points for!” as I slammed the door behind me and ingested a whole box of donuts before arriving to my car parked 10 feet away.
But, I’m back. I turned 36 last week and have noticed that sticking to my goal weight is going to take some work. I don’t want to lose that much, but even losing 5% to 10% of your body weight is tough stuff! This time around, I am going to keep that dadgum weight off. Bathing suits are already jumping on me and I’m not liking it. It shouldn’t take me THAT long to reach my weight goal if I stay on the course of eating Spinach & Turkey Stew, Turkey & Spinach Sandwiches and Turkey with a side of Spinach topped off with Spinach, as long as I keep attending those dangblasted meetings.
The meetings are all centered around a discussion of points in one way or ‘nother. The deal with the points is this: the less you have to lose the less points you get for the day. The maximum number of points is 71 and the lowest is 29. So, if you only have 5-10 pounds or so to lose to reach your ideal weight, you are only getting 29 points, sister. If you have never been to a WW meeting, let me give you a snapshot of what it is like at one of mine. As I sat there hysterically crying over only being allotted 29 miserable points, I was also…
#1: Hearing Betty Lee drone on and on about being an “emotional eater”;
#2: Getting my hopes up when they say it is okay to sneak in some French fries or slice of pizza here and there. I never really hear the “here and there” part and end up parking my barstool AT the pizza buffet table right after a Weight Watchers meeting. “Hey! Hands off, buster! Order from the menya!!! This is MAAAAAHHN!!!!” Chompchompchompchompchompchomp…DEEEEEP BREATH….chompchompchompchompchompchomp.
#2: Watching my instructor try her hand at stand-up comedy. She has got the chicken walk and talk DOWN, folks. “Chicken, chicken, chicken!! We all get tired of eating chicken, chicken, chicken! SQUAAAAAAAAAWK!!! Cluck, cluck, cluck, SQUAAAAAWK!!!” (Now picture lots of middle-aged women just getting lost in a giggle fit).
|The Little Dude ingesting loads of Olestra.|
|Were all those lentils worth it, Jenny?