Although I don't work for Apple, I will soon be submitting four rhyming apps to Steve Jobs. I noticed these weren't available on my iPhone. Please take a look at them and let me know if you would buy one, two, three or all four of them. This will help me when writing my letter to Mr. Jobs. Thanks, friends!
You would only use The App App in the most desperate of situations, such as when stranded on an island with all edible plant and animal life already consumed. Immediately upon purchasing, an apple smell would emerge from the phone causing your mouth to water, open, bite, chew and swallow the electronic device for temporary nutrition. You will die within 24 hours, so use only when really hungry.
The Zap App would transform your iPhone into a stun gun. With a single push of a button, sparks emerge from the recharging port into the neck of the man trying to mug you in the Wal-Mart parking lot or to anyone wearing a mullet. The stunned person will recover within 5 minutes, so run fast, sister.
The Crap App acts sort of like Poo-Pourri. You have heard of Poo-Pourri, haven't you? This is an actual spray that ladies can use to coat the water of the toilet prior to starting her business. When this sweet lady leaves the bathroom, no one will know that she just about killed that toilet and every living thing within 5 miles of it. The Crapp App will create a fine, pleasant-smelling mist,just like Poo-Pourri, that will emerge from the recharging port and coat the water of the toilet. You need it. Believe me.
Ladies, forget about going to the gynecologist over and over and over. Just buy The Pap App and save your time and gas. I am not going to get into extreme detail here, but you are basically going to get a cotton swab, do what you got to do with it and press it to the very sensitive screen. It will immediately tell you if you need to submit yourself to the hospital or continue on with your shopping trip at Target. Any cotton swab will do.
Well, that completes the apps that I am hoping to submit to Steve Jobs soon. Please let me know which one you might use, if any. There are still many more in the works. I know some are crude, but, hey folks, this is real life. My goal was to help people in real life activities live a little easier. Men, Mother's Day is coming up and I'm sure your mom's/wife's/cousin's/mail lady's birthday is coming up, too. All 4 will surely be available for purchase soon. Thanks for your purchase in advance!
36 comments:
I love these! I also had a post on the backburner about Apps, I would invent, after reading an article about the top worst apps every submitted.
I HATE going to the gyno so I vote YES! lol
I really want that Zapp App! There needs to be cleaning instructions after the use of the Papp App because... yeah ew.
Kelley, this was just awesome!!!
Lol! Love it! I have so many apps that I feel Apple has missed. I'll have to add it to my blog's agenda. It makes me feel like a real blogger if I refer to an agenda :)
I like the zap app!
You can actually get a "cellphone" stun gun for around 30 bucks, see link below.
http://www.stungunscheaper.com/_Monarch_1.2_Million_Volt_Rechargeable_Cell_Phone_Stun_Gun_wzzz4_Bulb_LED_Flashlight.php?ref=cphonestg1
OK, The Pap App made me pee myself a little bit.
Hilarious!
These are brilliant app ideas one and all. Never heard of the poo-pouri before this day. Your idea is way better. Do they make it for men though? Does poo-pouri cover the smell of mancrap?
omg, those were hilarious. You just made my day. The pap app. :)
I gotta get me one of those phones so I can have all those apps! Especially the Crap App...That can come in handy on many occasions!
Brilliant post!
Ok the Pap App is way too funny! And I'm in need of one so that would really help especially since I can't seem to get in until June!
Hope Apple takes some of these into consideration, lol!
Megan
http://1funkywoman.blogspot.com
So funny! I wish there was a pap app... I hate that appointment.
Okay, that's silly- no one likes that appointment.
omg I sooo needed this today!!!!! :D
Ohhh BRILLIANT! I am way past due for a pap. I'm all over the pap app! You could make MILLIONS! :) Super funny, girly.
Btw, I got feathers glued in my hair as per your suggestion. Mine are emerald green though. :)
Oooooooooooh, I love the Crap App! We had some Poo Pouri once and used it until it was gone.
Hahaha! The Pap App...where do you come up with this stuff?
My daughter wants a taser - so perhaps the zap app is for her. I can't believe you mentioned poo-pourri. We just bought some as gifts at a local shop - thought it was hysterical!!
Kelley, excellent creative and utility with these ideas! One point: I hate to be a stickler, especially when dealing with such an entertaining post as this, but is "App App" considered a rhyme when it's the same word repeated? I don't know the answer definitively, but it would seem to me that it wouldn't be. Maybe if I fed the words into the new "Rap App" that I'm creating, it would tell me if they constituted an official rhyme. Anyway, fun post and great illustrations!
Lazarus, you're right! The "app app" is not a rhyming app. Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I hope you all give me another chance.
Zap App & Crap App - good ideas. But you forgot about the Slap App! You don't even need to download, just grab your iPhone in either hand and use it to leave an indelible mark upside the head of the appropriate idiot.
You've got something with that stun gun app. You never know when you're going to have to taze someone.
I can defiantly stand behind the Zap App! And could you please make an app that punches slow walking people in the back of the head?
See that's weird. When I was dating I thought women didn't go to the bathroom. They just emitted pink packets of potpourri.
This is hilarious. I'd totally buy the zap app and crap app.
I'd also like to request a Nap App, where it sets up some kind of invisible field that makes it look like you're working while you're, in reality, enjoying a siesta.
BTW...I made you blog of the day.
bit worried about what happens if you get a call while awaiting the results on the pap app and I reckon you could probably extend that out to a mamagapp as well - just thinking aloud
I want a MishapApp, so that I know what to do in the eventuality of any...eventuality. How to Survive a Plane Crash, a Car Wreck, a Sprained Ankle, being Delayed in Traffic: any Mishap that Should Befell Me, the MishapApp would have my Behind.
Something tells me that Pap APP may actually occur in the future. You might wanna patent that.
That zap app would make millions. I'd be using it right now if I had it.
Dang! I think Steve Jobs would be a fool to not hire you as his right hand (wo)man after these ideas! Just don't forget the little people when you've become rich & famous. Love it!
I need that Pap app- no wait, I don't. But the stun app- well that would be great fun. Bet your ass that the next person who doesn't have their wallet out at the checker is going to get zapped.
You know that you are going to pay, why not be ready.
the papp app, please!!
The Pap App! I love it! And I love you!
And also, that would be great if Apple truly took an interest in ridding the world of mullets.
Gimme all of em, but give me an iPhone first. Kill that toilet, ha ha.
I fear I'd eat that App App 5 miles into a roadtrip so I'd better steer clear, actually.
You can't make me pick. Nope.
Well, okay, if you held that app app to my head I'd have to pick the Crap App. Going into the washroom at work right after someone has been 'busy' is HORRIBLE!
You just may make me give up my BlackBerry yet.
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