I love a good bathroom story. One of my very, very favorites that makes me actually cry from laughter is a story told by Shannon Popkin about her three-year-old son, Cade, who was giving a play-by-play of her activities in a public restroom. You can find the whole hilarious story here. This is an excerpt:
"Mommy, are you gonna go potty? Oh! Why are you putting toiwet paper on the potty, Mommy? Oh! You gonna sit down on da toiwet paper now? Mommy, what are you doing? Mommy, are you gonna go stinkies on the potty?" At this point I started mentally counting how many women had been in the bathroom when I walked in. Several stalls were full … 4? 5? Maybe we could wait until they all left before I had to make my debut out of this stall and reveal my identity. Cade continued, "Mommy, you ARE going stinkies aren't you? Oh, dats a good girl, Mommy! Are you gonna get some candy for going stinkies on the potty? Let me see doze stinkies, Mommy! Oh … Mommy! I'm trying to see in dere. Oh! I see dem. Dat is a very good girl, Mommy. You are gonna get some candy!"So, naturally, I was excited when my friend, Aimee, called me with one of her own. It goes a little something like this...
Aimee had a lot to get at Wal-Mart, but she had to take care of something first. In the bathroom. She grabbed her basket and pushed it so fast to the front of the store that sparks flew off the wheels. She rushed in, tried to find a place to hang her purse but had to settle for the floor instead and then squatted on the pot.
And squatted.
And squatted.
She then realized she wasn't squatting alone. Into the stall next to her walked a little child...with a man.
Her heart began to beat faster. Had he come into the bathroom to help his little one? Was this child in danger? She didn't know what to do. Tick-tock. Tick-tock. Tick-tock. She decided to text her husband as he was as good as Wal-Mart security at a time like this one.
"OMG..."
But then the child and man left. Aimee thought this was a good time to duck out of her place of hiding and investigate her mysterious neighbors and possibly call John Walsh. She rushed out and then froze in her tracks.There he was. Not that same he. A different he. At the urinal.
"AHHHHHHHHH!!!!! I AM SO SORRY!!! I ACCIDENTALLY WENT INTO THE WRONG BATHROOM!!!!!!"
That's funny enough, right? But, here's the deal...this isn't the first time this has happened to Aimee. Or even the second. She walked into this same men's room the LAST time she was at this Wal-Mart. She caught herself then. At Michael's, she didn't realize she was in the men's room until she was washing her hands and saw urinals in the mirror. You see, Aimee has one thing on her mind when the moment hits. The toilet. She has a one-track mind and it does not involve looking at signs on the doors apparently.
She looks like this:
WATCH OUT FOR AIMEE.
34 comments:
Not gonna lie, this happened to me once and I still cringe when I have to go to the bathroom at Wal-mart. But then again, I also try to hold it as long as I can because, have you SEEN the bathrooms at Wal-mart??? Nasty is not even close!
Why...WHY are walmart bathrooms always so dang busy!? Right after we potty trained our little one we had a similar experience...in the WalMart bathroom...I've thoroughly noted the conversation so that I will be able to have an exact reenactment when she's...say...13 or 14.
Luckily, I've never {knock on wood} ventured into the men's bathroom...oh snap, see what I did there? wood? get it? I didn't even mean to do that. I crack myself up...
This is hilarious. I know many people who have done that before.
Oh no! I've walked into the men's room once. Just once was enough to get me to check and double check the signs for the rest of my life, haha. And that Cade story is gold!
That kid is too much. I can only imagine how his mom felt giving a play-by-play analysis for everyone.
Aimee isn't alone, though. I've seen people enter the wrong rest room many times. Last week we were at a concert, and two women came into the men's room. Once they realized where they were, they said oh what the heck and walked right into the stalls anyway.
Ha ha! Well, women in men's bathrooms is not quite as bad as men in women's. I doubt she'd be arrested for being in the mens.
Also, if you like bathroom stories, as I know you do, you will like my next post that I am currently working on. And have you read my pooped my pants story? One of my best.
Hilarious! Never happened to me before but with my 2 little ones, bathroom time at Walmart is definitely a challenge!
Haha, this is awesome! I love reading stories like this. They make me feel better about myself.
Many at the WalMart could use either bathroom and still be somewhat correct!
Funny stories. (I would have said "funny shit" but yours is a family blog). Ooops. Sorry. You know what's even funnier??? My post today was Walmart related, too. We should be charging them for advertising. Well, gotta go make a stinky. I'll be sure to check the sign on the door first.
This is awesomely hilarious. I've made the same mistake, only I blame in on the tequila!
Very funny! Women don't usually share toilet humor, I'm glad you're the exception Kelley, this was great!
When you gotta go....
LMAO!!!!
I haven't gone into the wrong restroom by accident yet. Just on purpose. At concerts. When I can't take the lie in the women's restroom.
Ahahahahaha! Hilarious! I am all over the toilet humor :)
OMG! That is one funny friend that will share that with you! :)
Hey, It happens. Those signs look a lot alike.
hahaha That's too funny!
awesome. i live in the bathroom and yet, i have never walked into a men's room!
That is brilliant. I can't say i have ever walked into the men's room before!
Haha, toddler commentary usually goes awry.
My husband used the toilet in the women's bathroom at a restaurant this past weekend. He only realized his error when he noticed the 'condom machine' was loaded with...Tampax.
Mortification!!
Kids are so cute!...and potentially dangerous. I love their thoughts!
Here's a quote from a kid I worked with, after he had eaten those firey hot cheetos, and used the bathroom, "My butt is burning! My butt's on fire!"
Aimee should definitely NOT get confused at the 42nd / Grand Central Station bathroom! Although if she did she might get a date?
This has happened to me before.
I don't have a pic though.
Poor girl.
Washrooms are not the place to meet men.
I think Aimee needs to study the icons of Men and Women on the door a little harder.
Oh my gosh, this cracked me up. Just imagining this kid say, "oh, good girl mommy!" I've heard kids so so much funny stuff to their parents when I've been in teh bathroom, it never fails to entertain me.
Julia and I strolled into the men's room at the local pool last summer. I saw the urinal first thing and turned us around at which point Julia very loudly says, "I saw that it said 'MEN's' on the door mommy."
Thanks, kid.
I don't use Wal-mart bathrooms anymore after I had a nasty experience with a odd, little yellow guy with the smiley face.
Absolutely hysterical!! It was never this funny when I walked into the mens room. Twice.
I've never walked into the mens room!! I have, however, had the running commentary from the peanut gallery! Hilarious
How mortifying - and hilarious! I'm proud to admit this has never happened to me because I'm a freak about reading signs. And the picture - Kelley, you are a genius with captions / photoshop.
HAAA! I love this! Walmart bathrooms scare me a little, and even more so now that my boys think they are "too old" to be using the girls room with me and insist on going in the men's room alone. I am forced to stand at the door, screaming to them whenever someone new enters the bathroom to "HURRY UP!" Then I look at the guy entering and warn him that if he dares to touch my child I will cut his penis off!
My friend refuses to go to Walmart ever since she was trapped in the bathroom by a large woman in a motorized cart who somehow managed to wedge herself between the sink and the door. Not only was my friend starting to get claustrophobic, but she really started to panic when the women asked for her help because she peed in her pants.
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