Drama in the Wal-Mart Bathroom


I love a good bathroom story.  One of my very, very favorites that makes me actually cry from laughter is a story told by Shannon Popkin about her three-year-old son, Cade, who was giving a play-by-play of her activities in a public restroom.  You can find the whole hilarious story here.  This is an excerpt:

“Mommy, are you gonna go potty? Oh! Why are you putting toiwet paper on the potty, Mommy? Oh! You gonna sit down on da toiwet paper now? Mommy, what are you doing? Mommy, are you gonna go stinkies on the potty?”  At this point I started mentally counting how many women had been in the bathroom when I walked in. Several stalls were full … 4? 5? Maybe we could wait until they all left before I had to make my debut out of this stall and reveal my identity.  Cade continued, “Mommy, you ARE going stinkies aren’t you? Oh, dats a good girl, Mommy! Are you gonna get some candy for going stinkies on the potty? Let me see doze stinkies, Mommy! Oh … Mommy! I’m trying to see in dere. Oh! I see dem. Dat is a very good girl, Mommy. You are gonna get some candy!”

So, naturally, I was excited when my friend, Aimee, called me with one of her own.  It goes a little something like this…

Aimee had a lot to get at Wal-Mart, but she had to take care of something first.  In the bathroom.  She grabbed her basket and pushed it so fast to the front of the store that sparks flew off the wheels.  She rushed in, tried to find a place to hang her purse but had to settle for the floor instead and then squatted on the pot.  

And squatted.

And squatted.

She then realized she wasn’t squatting alone.  Into the stall next to her walked a little child…with a man.

Her heart began to beat faster.  Had he come into the bathroom to help his little one?  Was this child in danger?  She didn’t know what to do.  Tick-tock.  Tick-tock.  Tick-tock.  She decided to text her husband as he was as good as Wal-Mart security at a time like this one. 

But then the child and man left.  Aimee thought this was a good time to duck out of her place of hiding and investigate her mysterious neighbors and possibly call John Walsh.  She rushed out and then froze in her tracks.There he was.  Not that same he.  A different he.  At the urinal.


That’s funny enough, right?  But, here’s the deal…this isn’t the first time this has happened to Aimee.  Or even the second.  She walked into this same men’s room the LAST time she was at this Wal-Mart.  She caught herself then.  At Michael’s, she didn’t realize she was in the men’s room until she was washing her hands and saw urinals in the mirror.  You see, Aimee has one thing on her mind when the moment hits.  The toilet.  She has a one-track mind and it does not involve looking at signs on the doors apparently.

She looks like this:



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