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| If my husband fully attends to my story about the sale they were having on Pepto-Bismol, he probably fears he'll end up like her. |
#7: The TV works.
And it doesn't even have to be sports. He was watching C-Sp...zzzz....excuse me, C-SPAN last night, and I couldn't get him to attend to my story about my new fingernail polish.
#6: There is anything at all lying around with words on it.
I'm hoping I'll get his attention after he reads the ingredients in that water bottle...
I'm hoping I'll get his attention after he reads the ingredients in that water bottle...
#5: There is anything else to do.
Surely he'll listen to my story about play group after he finishes reading the phone book.
Surely he'll listen to my story about play group after he finishes reading the phone book.
#4: There is food around.
He definitely won't be concentrating on my critique of my Book Club book if he is eating.
He definitely won't be concentrating on my critique of my Book Club book if he is eating.
#3: It is daylight.
If the sun is out, you can bet he is not listening to me as closely as I'd like.
If the sun is out, you can bet he is not listening to me as closely as I'd like.
#2: He is within earshot.
If he can hear me, you can bet he's not hanging on my every word.
If he can hear me, you can bet he's not hanging on my every word.
#1: HE'S AWAKE.
*My husband helped me come up with this list.
**It is a joke.
***Not really.
*My husband helped me come up with this list.
**It is a joke.
***Not really.
42 comments:
Your husband sounds a lot like me. lol
I think that your husband and my groom should get together with all five Cherubs and go bowling. You and I, meanwhile, will be tripping the light fantastic at some superswanky club...the kind who have bathroom attendants. Awww, yeeeeeaaaaahhhh.
did you say something? LOL sounds like my husband
I love that reading a water bottle is a tactic. LOL I'ma have to try that.
If Kai is alive, he isn't listening. Maybe in the afterlife?
Sounds like my husband. You don't come between him and his T.V. LOL.
we just aren't designed to do two things at once.
let me give you a tip. here is exactly the same information said in two different ways. One of these sentences will get listened to very carefully and one won't. It's up to you, but it works for ALL husbands - trust me...
#1 they have a 10% off sale on handbags at Target at the moment.
#2 I had a dream last night about having a threesome, they have a 10% off sale on handbags at Target at the moment.
It's all about the packaging.
I can't talk to my husband at all when there is food around. It's a running joke if I say "don't you remember I told you" he'll ask if he was making a sandwich when I told him. Ha!
You and me both, lady!
Sorry...dozed off there for a minute. What were you writing about? I was reading then it all just went bzzzz, bzzzz, bzzzz, just like when my wife tells me about her day. Oooops, gotta go. Sports Center's on.
my 'the one' looks just like the girly in the picture above!!! or so he says "I talk him to death" bawhahaha~ especially when #6 & #4 apply. Love this post~ I needed to laugh out loud!
I find that texting works. Even if he's sitting right next to me and could potentially hear my voice. :)
Kel it is clear that drastic measures are in order. You need to strap-on a computer screen to your head and let your hubby read your blog. Finally he will be guaranteed constant entertainment! W.C.C.
Seriously! I'll be talking, and my hubs will start talking to the kids, like I'm not even there! What a (hard working, incredible father and husband other than this...) jerk!
Lol, Glen.
I have to admit, this sounds more like me than my husband. TV isn't an issue, but anything else is...I'm thinking, I'm on my phone, I'm on the computer, I'm reading, I can't listen to another word about the idiots on his job...any of these would be one of my tune-out reasons. He truly deserves better than me, poor guy.
I totally know what you mean! :)
Wait a minute ... I think I know this guy - oh wait! I thought you were talking about MY husband!
My husband never listens to me! Ever.
Insert the word vagina or sex or whip somewhere in your story and they will listen. For example:
"Honey, I'm thinking about sex...cutting my hair short. Whip. What do you think? Vagina"
It'll work.
in his defense C-Span can get out of hand, I've seen some gruesome paper cuts on C-Span
I just told my wife about this post. She laughed and said that I should tell you she has the same problem around here.
I think men have a special gene that causes them to have "selective hearing". In my case, and perhaps your hubs too, it automatically turns off whenever the sound of my wife's voice enters my ears.
For years and years I was frustrated by my husband's ability to tune me out. Now I keep doing it to him. I hear him talking, but I don't process what he's saying. He talks about racing, his job, or basically anything that isn't immediately interesting and I just start thinking about something else.
Am I turning into a man?
Do not expect MY husband to listen to anyone one when a) the weather report is on b) he's eating and c) any other time. I'm kidding. I think.
A universal husband list!
bwahahaha.... true for most men, i'm afraid.
High-larious! Very funny stuff, from what I read. I wasn't paying attention part of the time, the Big East basketball tournament was on TV.... Just kidding KKelley, great post!
Well there's your problem Kel, you need to talk to him when it's not daylight...wink wink...I bet he'll be doing a lot of talking when you're prancing your fine self in front of him nekkid but offering up the goods until he's listened about the 2 for 1 sale: Attention K-Mart shoppers!
Ask him again, but this time be naked. Might work. Or not. LMAO!
I think all husbands everywhere are using this list as a guideline
Effing hilarious. I adore reading posts like this because then I don't feel so alone. Kelley, if you EVER need to talk about Target or nail polish or US Weekly or play group, you just pick up the phone and call me, k? Men - completely and utterly useless.
What happens when you say, "I'm horny." ? Just wondering.
Hilarious. I love this.
I actually pouted about this last week! It wasn't fair, but I pouted.
So funny because it's so true.
I swear all my hubbins hears when I talk are the parents voices in all the Peanuts shows on TV. Wah wah wah.
Love this and you!
i'm sorry i think we get yelled at if we switch the flip! for pete's sake, Vic's ears are all on him when he's discussing the office people at work like i give a shit about the old lady making 10X as much money as he,....men don't have brains...the end! haha:)
So. Damn. Funny.
I always see neighbors at Target. You'd think I'd stop trying to get Bill interested in that fact.
But, nope.
You had me laughing out loud with the image of your husband preferring to read the words on his water bottle to hearing your stories.
Shame on him.
(but so. damn. funny.)
My husband pretends to listen with head movements and verbal sounds, but if I actually get to something interesting he starts asking questions about what I said prior to the interesting part. It gives him away every time. Then I say, sorry, no repeats! HA! That will teach him for listening to me!
Have a lovely day.
Seriously.... it has to be a guy thing! My husband never hears a word and then later will ask a question about something and when I answer him he'll ask why I didn't tell him that before!!
Yeah its funny. But when I tell him something important for me and I note that at one moment he just stop listening and continue watching TV its not fun at all.
Is there any way out?
Very funny. I wish my husband would listen to me less because his responses are...so annoying. Visiting from SITS.
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Comments make me feel like I'm not talking to the wall. Don't get me wrong. I love talking to walls. Some of my best friends are walls. Still, I like hearing from you, so thanks!