|Camp toilet w/ a peek-a-booty floor.|
|I go to great lengths to hide my sons' identity. I made them wear |
those basketballs the whole time they were in the crystal clear,
turquoise-tinged water. The balls floated, so it was
kind of like a life jacket.
I ALWAYS check eggs before I buy them, but the thought of sleeping on the hard ground must have made me so giddy that I had forgotten my normal shopping procedures. One of my biggest fears, besides running out of milk for cereal, is cracking an egg to find a baby chick inside. This discovery on the left just about sent me straight to the cuckoo mill. It reminded me that eggs come from chickens. Do I really need to know that? Is this what I get for buying free-range eggs? Well, I don't want no part of eeenymore, sister!
~Don't help the husband when the raft gets stuck on the rocks if you are half-nincompoop or part seal.
|Her seal & hippo features are in the boat, 'mmkay?|
My two little dudes REALLY wanted to go down the river in an inflatable kayak. The water level was somewhat low and our little happy boat kept getting stuck on rocks in the rapids area. Chris always got out of the boat and kept us floating down the river. After a while, though, I started feeling bad for squatting there like a seal/elephant/hippo combo, or "sealphantippo", while he struggled to move us off the dang rocks. Like any good sealphantippo, I decided to lug myself out of the boat and help him. The current was swift, however, and my shoes slipped on the rocks, my oar went floating down the river, my mouth started opening and swallowing water and I started yelping like a newborn puppy dropped into a raging sea grasping at anything at all to keep me afloat. Meanwhile, Chris yells out, "KELLEY, YOU'RE IN 2 FEET OF WATER!". After I recovered, I got back in the boat and sat there like a mute sealphantippo again.
I could add more things you shouldn't do, of course, like don't forget the ketchup and mustard or don't step on a large staple in your tennis shoes like I did or don't place the pot handle over the grill or don't allow your 2-year-old son to rip open the bathroom door while you're in it or don't insist that your 6-year-old go on a cavern tour when he is really sleepy and is showing signs of turning into a werewolf, but...you get the idea. You'll be good to go if you just check your eggs, keep an eye on your laundry and send your sealphantippo to rapids navigating school before your trip.
There is a camping trip in your future, right?