It's time for another underappreciated woman to be saluted, don't you think? By clicking the "Today, We Salute You" tab in the above navigation bar, you can see who has been saluted already here in the Break Room. Also, if you have a suggestion for a lady out there who doesn't get enough props, let me know! Maybe that person is YOU! I would love to sing them (or you) a little song. But, for now...
Kelley's Break Room presents...
"Unappreciated Women of Industry"
(Unappreciated Ladies of Induuuuuuuuuusstreeeeeee)
Today we salute, YOU, Ms. Fancy-Hotel-and-Club-Bathroom-Attendant...
(Ms. Fancy-Hotel-and-Club-Bathroom-Attendant!!!!)
Every night you prepare yourself to deal with women across this land who need to use the facilities. The fancy facilities in the nice, swanky hotel and the gritty facilities in...DA CLUB. You, more than anyone else, know that's not the only thing they need. From your perspective, these ladies need a squirt of Acqua di Gio, Giorgio or Lauren, as well as a stick of Wrigley's Spearmint Gum and, somebody help us before we die, a swipe of deodorant.
(That-lady-that-just-walked-in-smells-exactly-like-sweaty-yak-pits)
Unfortunately, most of the women don't know what is best for them. You try your best to offer one lady a thick disposable hand towel to mop up the waterfall coming from her palms while you hand the can of Aqua Net to Tanning Bed Betty with the Big Bangs, but both incorrectly decide neither is needed. Little lady comes in with her hair looking like she just lef the Tasmanian Devil's Hair Haven and SHE refuses the brush.
(All of you ladies are just one big, gigantic HOT MESS!!!)
Finally, FINALLY...one tipsy lady comes swaying in through the door...and you know your time has come. You hand a her stick of Big Red and, thank you, God, she takes it. Once she starts smacking on it like a cow eating a grass sandwich, you squirt her with some Luv's Baby Soft like you are using a stun gun on a girl guilty of the funk. After she washes her hands, you soak up the water while simultaneously nudging the tip jar under her nose. She gets sidetracked and starts looking in her purse for her compact, but you beat her to it. Before she knows it, she's looking at the back of her hair with your handy hand-held mirror and feeling like she is Ms. Thang. Much to your delight, she drops a $20 tip in your jar because you made her feel pretty.
(I can't wait to spend that on a Big Mac!)
So, crack open a new package of toothbrushes, Ms. Fancy-Hotel-and-Club-Bathroom-Attendant, and know you're the REAL reason Tanning Bed Betty with the Big Bangs and the rest of us like going to the bathroom in the first place.
Ms. Fancy-Hotel-and-Club-Bathroom-Atteeeeeeennnnnnnndaaaaaaaaaaant!!!!
40 comments:
Hilarious.
Wow.
I feel as though this post highlights our different lifestyles. As I? Did not know some bathrooms had attendants.
It sounds quite fancy.
Which explains why I didn't know about it.
The first time I saw a fancy bathroom attendant, I made the mistake of just ASSUMING I could use the hairspray. Wrong! She about stabbed me in the eye with a hairbrush!
I always feel bad for these people. How sh*tty must it be to literally have to stay in a washroom for your ENTIRE shift. Smelling all there is to smell and having to listen to drunken girl stupidity...
Although I hate the handing-me-a-paper-towel thing, too. I am quite capable of doing so myself, and am a cheap tipper at the bar. I can't be doling these loonies and toonies out to everyone now...
HAHAHA - so funny and so very true. Great post!
There have been multiple times I wished I had a Ms. Fancy-Hotel-and-Club-Bathroom-Attendant... m.u.l.t.i.p.l.e. Do ya think Walmart or Target bathrooms will acquire one or five soon? Cuz they need it like a fish needs water! *silent shudder*
I think I used to be her. lol
This is too dang funny!
Oh, FINE. I get your point, Ms. Subliminal Messages. I read Of Mice and Men. I can TOTALLY read between the lines and promise to start tipping these ladies better...aw, heck...I will plain-old-just-start-tipping-them.
I also got the *other* underlying message you laid out there, which is that you frequent some maaaaahty swanky night spots, lady! Color me green with envy!
sorry - I absolutely hate it.
I applaud them for working hard but no.
Toilets are toilets and I can dry my own hands
Yak-pit! HA! Love it.
In Paris they make you pay to even use the toilet at the playground, and the attendant usually is hanging out outside smoking a ciggy with an "aie don't geeve a sheet" expression on their whole body and rolling their eyes while you fumble for the correct foreign, unrecognizable coins as you squeeze your thighs together and bounce up and down trying not to pee in your pants. Even when you're largely pregnant. No paper towels, no fancy scents…just give them the money!
Oh man. I remember those days when I used to go out. But I must say I was always terrified of those products lying there on the counter. Do I really want to butter up my lips with the orange lip gloss that 10 other chicks did...eww nooo...But props to her,for convincing so many to do so!!
Maybe Mike Rowe should check that one out for Dirty Jobs. It's not one I would ever consider. Making bitchy, insecure princesses feel better about themselves. Eff No!
I feel so bad for hating those ladies, but they drive me crazy. Probably because I waited tables for so long - so I feel guilted into tipping them even though I HAVE MY OWN TAMPONS and CAN GRAB MY OWN HAND TOWEL thankyouverymuch!!!!
Great post!
hahaha "sweaty yak pants"
Someone asked if we were going to have "courtesy baskets" (or something like that) in the bathrooms, at our wedding.
At first, I thought it would be a nice touch.
Then I didn't want to be like those crazy bathroom ladies.
Plus we have a lot of elderly family who like to squirrel things away.
Figured it better to do without! :)
This one is great!
I so love these!!! Great Job.
I bet that woman has bore witness to things that would make Jerry Springer himself blush.
I so love you! These crack me up every single time!
Bravo! Bravo! Brilliant-of COURSE we have to salute the female bathroom ateeeennnndannnnt!
OMG! Doesn't Aqua Net just bring you back?????? Hilarious.
How thoughtful of you to recognizer her in this fashion. I hope to meet her someday. But I doubt I will, unless she attends the men's room. Fingers crossed.
The only place I've ever encountered a bathroom attendant is Las Vegas. She was very chatty and my friend and I had a good time talking to her. Finally I asked her how she ended up here (I meant as a bathroom attendant) she said, "I flew in to McCaran just like everyone else."
She had me there.
What about the dude attendants?
LOL That is a great shout out:)
I'm clapping for the lady at my desk - seriously, I've only encountered one or two in my life (I'm from West Virginia, we don't have attendants in the outhouses HA HA) but each time thought to myself, "dang... whatta lady. Doin' this. ugh."
You had me at "Love's Baby Soft" - DAMN I loved that stuff when I was a teenager...Sprayed it all over myself before backward skating at the roller rink in my jordache jeans.
So your placing it in the hands of the Fancy Bathroom Attendant at Da Club?
Priceless. You are one funny chica.
You are so good to appreciate these unappreciated women, Kelley. I was confused for a while, when I first started seeing them everywhere. Actually, I still get confused upon seeing candy, feminine products, deodarant, etc. in my face, when I'm washing my hands at a club or eatery. It's a weird thing, but I must remember the labor that goes on behind the scenes. Thank you.
xoRobyn
Cheese and rice, Kelley. I should know better than to read your blog to read your blog with a full bladder.
I'll be billing you for laundry detergent.
LOVE IT!
WHAT! Only the men get bathroom attendants around here... I feel jipped! I WANT A BATHROOM ATTENDANT!!
Good for yuks. Hey, what is all of that stuff on the sink????
I briefly dated a boy in high school that was in a socio-economic class far beyond my own country girl self. He took me to a restaurant that had a bathroom attendant. I was pretty shocked - why is this person handing me a towel? Was I supposed to tip her? There was a bowl of money by the sink.
I commented on it to the boy (he was a real jerk) when I got back to the table.
His response: "You didn't take the money, did you?"
No. I didn't take the money.
I am a little concerned where you got that photo? Are you sure that is not your personal stockpile of WMD's? I always love your poetry Kel, but I have to admit, I GAGGED a little at the imagery of a woman with 'Yak Pits'???? Please have a little consideration for those of us with tender stomachs! W.C.C.
Ha! I've always wondered some of the things some commenters wrote. And I always feel intimidated as they stand there while I'm either washing my hands or re-touching my make-up. I feel like I'm on display or she's staring at me so I can hurry up and leave! Rude. ha!
tooo funny!!
You know I love the Unappreciated Ladies. And a random squirt of Aqua di Gio at any time of the day or night is always welcome.
Bahaha! I love this. You know they are quite helpful and sometimes you need that random bit of strong perfume or mint. But don't forget the tip ;-)
Why isn't there a woman like that in the bathroom of my home?
I am SO glad somebody finally saluted Ms. Fancy-Hotel-and-Club-Bathroom-Attendant. A truly unappreciated woman of industry. It needed to be done.
You are so funny with these! Keep them coming I love them!!
I thought about someone you could salute but now I can't remember it for the life of me.
This woman deserves more than a salute, she needs a lifetime supply of those nasty mints.
Nicely done Kelley. Funny stuff as always.
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