It’s time for another underappreciated woman to be saluted, don’t you think? By clicking the “Today, We Salute You” tab in the above navigation bar, you can see who has been saluted already here in the Break Room. Also, if you have a suggestion for a lady out there who doesn’t get enough props, let me know! Maybe that person is YOU! I would love to sing them (or you) a little song. But, for now…
Kelley’s Break Room presents…
“Unappreciated Women of Industry”
(Unappreciated Ladies of Induuuuuuuuuusstreeeeeee)
Today we salute, YOU, Ms. Fancy-Hotel-and-Club-Bathroom-Attendant…
Every night you prepare yourself to deal with women across this land who need to use the facilities. The fancy facilities in the nice, swanky hotel and the gritty facilities in…DA CLUB. You, more than anyone else, know that’s not the only thing they need. From your perspective, these ladies need a squirt of Acqua di Gio, Giorgio or Lauren, as well as a stick of Wrigley’s Spearmint Gum and, somebody help us before we die, a swipe of deodorant.
Unfortunately, most of the women don’t know what is best for them. You try your best to offer one lady a thick disposable hand towel to mop up the waterfall coming from her palms while you hand the can of Aqua Net to Tanning Bed Betty with the Big Bangs, but both incorrectly decide neither is needed. Little lady comes in with her hair looking like she just lef the Tasmanian Devil’s Hair Haven and SHE refuses the brush.
(All of you ladies are just one big, gigantic HOT MESS!!!)
Finally, FINALLY…one tipsy lady comes swaying in through the door…and you know your time has come. You hand a her stick of Big Red and, thank you, God, she takes it. Once she starts smacking on it like a cow eating a grass sandwich, you squirt her with some Luv’s Baby Soft like you are using a stun gun on a girl guilty of the funk. After she washes her hands, you soak up the water while simultaneously nudging the tip jar under her nose. She gets sidetracked and starts looking in her purse for her compact, but you beat her to it. Before she knows it, she’s looking at the back of her hair with your handy hand-held mirror and feeling like she is Ms. Thang. Much to your delight, she drops a $20 tip in your jar because you made her feel pretty.
(I can’t wait to spend that on a Big Mac!)
So, crack open a new package of toothbrushes, Ms. Fancy-Hotel-and-Club-Bathroom-Attendant, and know you’re the REAL reason Tanning Bed Betty with the Big Bangs and the rest of us like going to the bathroom in the first place.