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| Chris with his CLEARLY VISIBLE WEDDING RING on a helicopter ride. |
I need you to be my detective. I heard you were in that business and that news could not have come at a better time. I'm wondering if my husband, Chris, is having an affair. After reading this post, I need you to let me know what you think. Is he or is he? You tell me. YOU tell mmmmeeeeeeeeee.
Let's take a walk, shall we? Let's journey through these last couple of weeks.
A COUPLE OF WEEKS AGO: My husband tells me that his female "friend" says to him as he got on the bus that morning, "Mmmm, mmmm, mmmmm. You a police officer, ain'tcha? I knew you were a police officer when I saw how you were built. Mmmmmmhmmmm".
Brief background about my husband: He goes to work every day in business clothes, but works for the police department downtown. He graduated from UT-Austin with a degree in finance, worked for a major oil & gas consulting firm in Houston out of college and then changed careers. He is using his skills now in an administrative/managerial role for the section of the crime lab that deals with fingerprints, audiovisual evidence, etc. He will sometimes have police gear with him, like a jacket, gun belt, a donut, etc.
Brief background about our car situation: We've been sharing one for a few months. Chris believes that you drive a car until it finally yells "I GIVE UP!!!", rolls over and dies. His last one, a 1998 Nissan Altima with 250,000+ miles, finally did that. So, now the 2-year-old and I take the 6-year-old to Kindergarten and then take Chris to the bus stop. I have made this trip in pajama pants without make-up on several occasions.TODAY: We drive up late to the bus area, my husband rockets out of his seat to tell the little dude goodbye...and then his female friend begins yelling from the bus. I don't know what she's saying but within seconds she is at the car window. She wants to see our 2-year-old.
"Oh, yes he is. He is handsome just like his daddy. I hesitated to say anything with the wife sitting right there, but hoooooooooooooooo boy, that little boy is a handsome thing. And his daddy? Mmmmmm MMMMM, he's a cutie!"I'm still sitting there. In my gym clothes. With no make-up on. With this lady hitting on my husband AND my two-year-old.
So, you tell me...should I be worried or should I be worried??
Ooops...before you give me your wise advice, let me mention that she is...
HIS BUS DRIVER.
And she looks a little something like this...
Let's just refer to the bus driver as Aretha.
When my husband got off the bus, Aretha asked him to ask me if she could be our nanny.
DO YOU THINK SOMETHING IS UP???
55 comments:
It doesn't sound like he's strayin' just yet, but I'd watch that lady, she could make some HIGHLY INAPPROPRIATE GESTURES at your man, and if she does, you need to LAY DOWN THE BREAKROOM LAW. You just let us know, chickie, and we will take down that bus driver like Custer on the Battlefield!
I don't know about your husband... but I'd start being seriously worried about your 2 year old.
Those kids start young nowadays.
I say just tell your husband how uncomfortable you are with her and how she speaks to/about him. If he says anything that sounds like hes picking a fight all you say is this: "I just said she made me uncomfortable, for good reasons."
Yes, I think he's having an affair. Every man's fantasy is a woman buss driver that looks like Aretha. (I know this because of the dream I had last night. It was awesome and if any woman can rock a bus, it's Aretha.)
I'll tell you what, if his bus driver isn't hittin' on him, I will! You have a fine lookin' man Kelley.
Just sayin'
I think your husband should run for the hills!! And I'm sure you could take her out if you had too. :)
Most definitely! Why wouldn't he be? :)
Hmmmmm. It definitely sounds like your husband is going downtown with this woman. She's driving down the freeway of love. Does she have no R E S P E C T? Tell that Queen of Trolls to step off or you'll have her arrested for indecency. Then she'll have to work off her sentence with a chain gang of fools.
Bahahahaha, you got me =P
Time to step it up a notch on the pajama bottoms. The competition is fierce!
That is hilarious! Maybe he can get free bus fare?
Something about an being Aretha-like older woman bus driver makes it ok to hit on anyone you like. It's like a free pass to be inappropriate.
Lady, if she looks that good, WHAT MAN WOULDN'T STRAY?!?! I mean, really, Kelley. If I were you, I'd sass up those pajama bottoms. It's your only hope.
There is no doubt about it. Your concerns are justified. You should make him start skateboarding to work.
I hate to tell you this. But you have a 3-way proposal lurking somewhere in your future.
This is what I always say: if my husband's girlfriend can stand him, then more power to her.
Kidding. I would cut anyone who tried to steal my husband.
But the nanny thing? If she'll work cheap, I'd say take your chances. Cheap nanny. Woohoo!
There is no doubt you husband is having an affair. Youtube has video of him in the bus driver's seat with the bus driver on HIS lap. All this is set to music with vocals being sung by the rest of the bus riders. The song is "Magic Bus" and your husband sings the solo part that goes "I waaant it, I waaant it".
I am so sorry to bring you this news.
Option 1:
Ask her if she is affiliated with the Campbell's Soup Company because you haven't heard that many
MMM MMM MMM's since their last commercial
Option 2:
Have a premptive affair with someone of equal or greater value such as the lead singer from BLUES TRAVELER or Reuban Studdard
Option3:
Do your hair and make-up and look HOT (wear accessories like a feather boa and stiletto heals) when you drop him off. When you arrive, get out of the car, open his door for him, have a public display of affection with him that falls just short of public indecency, and as he walks away, say "When you get home tonight, we are gonna make the whoopie like you never thought was possible stud muffin!" lustily while making direct eye contact with bus driver.
Seriously. I should have my own advice column. ;)
MMMMMM ! Yesssuuh! he is a fine piece of beef.
I don't blame her.
You are a silly gal!
haha Too funny. I love how you wrote the different fonts, etc. Very clever!
Who could resist that? Hell, if he's not having an affair with her, I will! ;)
Ohhhhh Kelley I think you are in serious trouble. With a hot thing like that you had better watch him like a hawk.
I won't lie Kelley....she's a looker...no seriously she is really hard to look around. She seems to be everywhere and nowhere all at once. That's talent ;)
He can't help if he's friendly. Jesus likes that!!
You better give him some attention so he doesn't stray. She's a hot mama. ;)
Let's face it, she's got more to love...and...she drives a bus!! Looks suspicious to me!!
I think she is sick of driving the bus.
Do we have a current picture of you for comparison's sake? Just asking...
Can she sing?
And if he doesn't want you the way you are... in jammies and haggard-looking, driving his sorry cheap ass to the bus ... let him go ;-)
I am pretty sure he aint banging that.
Nah, she just wants his donut
Dear Kelley - I think it is time to face facts. Sometimes there ARE better fish in the see, a pot at the end of the rainbow, the grass IS greener on the other side, and well you know, he might not come back one day. I'm sorry to tell you that those are all SIGNS. He and his busty bus buddy are making the wheels go round if you know what I mean...
I see a Maury Povich show and a lie detector in your future. Let me know when it's on so I can DVR it...I'd like to see that hunka hunka burnin love in living color. Your husband, not the bus driver.
I certainly do hope not! but you never know!
If he starts sucking his thumb while snuggling up with those 'arethas,' then I'd start really worrying!
Love it! I needed a good laugh this morning!
I hope all of this attention and adoration doesn't go to your husbands head!!
Hey Kelley - Very funny. LOL. I take my husband to work in pajama pants all the time. I say it's quite sexy because I bought them at Victoria Secret. Heh Heh.
Anyhoo, my husband is having an affair - with the iphone application called - CastleCraft. Mmmmhmmmm. So, I totally understand your pain. Well, not really, but sort of.
I have a crush on my daughter's school bus driver. I'd watch it. It always starts with the bus.
lol you are hilarious, so nice to have "found" you, congrats on your First Class Blogger Award!
My blog is a mix of funny and poignant--poetry and prose and photography. Lots about motherhood.
Cheers
Heather
Yup, it always starts with the innocent seeming bus drivers. I'd watch it. lol
You are hilarious!
Congrats on your First Class Blogger Award! Nice to "meet" ya.
My blog is a mix of humor and poignant thoughts-poetry prose and photography, lots about motherhood.
Yeah watch out! Sounds dangerous to me!
Absolutely.
On another note, my husband is definitely cheating on me with the girl who speaks from his GPS. For real.
When she starts offering free bus fare or to drive him straight to your house, then I'd start to worry. For now she's just Aretha the bus lady. =)
Yes. Be very worried. Ever heard of the saying "More cushion for the pushin'"....maybe you need to die your hair an atrocious shade of orange, eat donuts several times a day, and wear dorky hats....you know, if you want to keep him from falling prey to Aretha's obvious appeal.
PS: Just as a sort of slutty aside, your hubby is scrumptious...
I've heard that the other women typically isn't more attractive than the wife. She fills an emotional need. Clearly your husband needs to feel like a women is going to gobble him up like a cream filled donut.
That sounded dirtier than I meant it to. Anyway I'm going with it.
DO NOT hire her to be the nanny.
Something is definitely up. I say next time you drop him off— put some pants on, wear some lipstick and command some R-E-S-P-E-C-T! ;)
I'd say you have a lot to worry about. Check his text messages and the phone records... you may be on to something :) Very funny and cute story!
I think you're safe, darling. If he know's what good for him, he'll stay put.
forever.
:)
I don't think this grandson is ready for the bus driver yet but just the same.. fix yourself up and don't go toooooo natural.
Definitely contact a lawyer.
With skillz like bus-drivin', I think you have sufficient grounds to be deeply concerned.
Or, at the very least, concerned that the woman is hitting on your 2 year old. There are laws against that, I think.
I have nothing to add, except to tell you all to go back and read CoftheU's response.
I got nothing after that!
I would be scared, Kelley. Very scared. We're talkin' ARETHA here. Look at her! Gazongas out to there in her pink negligee! You take her as your nanny, you're looking at a Jude Law situation.
Ooooohh, gurl. This is THE QUEEN OF SOUL we're talkin' bout here. So I'm thinking that maybe you just turn a blind eye and demand royalty checks every month. Think of how many vending machines you could add to The Break Room!
somehow i kind of knew it was the bus driver. the husband manages transportation at a public school and the lady busdrivers grab his butt. like, all the time. awesome.
HA! You best watch out. She's driving him all types of places...
I will try to overlook your picture of my idol Aretha because that's what she'd tell me to do.
The big question is: Does she let him honk her horn?
Unrequited love. So sad. So very, very sad. Shame on you for keeping him from his soulmate. Tsk, tsk, Kelley. Tsk. Tsk.
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